Rookie in Love [SYTYCW 2013]

Rookie in Love [Chapter Four]

Chapter Four

            I cried myself to sleep last night and it wasn’t pretty like in all the movies.  There were tears and snot and some hiccupping and finally when my pillow was drenched with my tears I feel asleep.  So, perhaps not a Hallmark drama, but today my life would give any Zombie movie a run for its money.  I can’t remember what I did ten minutes ago and doing even the littlest things, like taking a shower, seem impossible.  I broke Greg’s heart last night and shattered mine in the process.  I thought this was what I wanted but I didn’t think it would hurt.

            I finally make my way into the shower but forego the makeup and hair drier.  How I made it through all of my classes today I still don’t know, but I need to pull myself together so we can fake happy couple for my family.  I feel like a terrible person accepting this gift of freedom he has given me and even worse that I am going to make him sit with my family tonight and pretend I haven’t ripped his heart from his chest.  As if I weren’t terrible enough already, my mind wanders to Jackson and I wonder where he is right now.

            Greg is on time, of course, and gives me a hug when I get in the car.  We ride in silence again to my dad’s house and as we pull into the driveway Greg looks over at me and offers a small smile.  I reach my hand out and place it in his with a small squeeze.  I may not be in love with him but I do love him as a friend.  I don’t want to see him hurt but he is right: I need these three weeks to get my fears under control.  I need to figure out if I am afraid of growing up or just afraid of growing into a life with him.

            All of my brothers are here and offer me big hugs as we enter the living room.  Ben is the oldest followed by the twins, Brandon and Caleb.  My dad wraps his arms around me as well and I breathe in his scent of aftershave and feel safe all at once.  We make small talk throughout dinner about business and school and I keep looking over to Greg hoping to see him smile at me but he can’t look me in the eyes.  I need to get out of here before I break down.  My heart is constricted so tight in my chest that it hurts when I inhale. 

            My dad disappears into the kitchen and returns with a birthday cake, which prompts my brothers and Greg into a horrible rendition of the Happy Birthday song.  I look to each of them with a smile and when my eyes land on Greg he finally gives me a tight smile and a nod.  As each of my brothers pulls out a small present for me, I know that the most costly gift being given to me this year is not wrapped and sitting on the table.  It is Greg who has paid the highest price for my gift and I will be forever in debt to him.

            After opening the gifts and saying our goodbyes, Greg and I get into the car.  The only noise the entire ride home is from my phone when it chirps with a message from my maternal aunt Gwen asking that I stop by tomorrow to pick up my gift.  She has been the closest thing to a mother to me over the years but there is tension between her and my father so our relationship is strained at times.  She is my mother’s only sister and she looks so much like I remember my mother looking that being around her is painful for me as well. 

            When we reach my apartment, Greg walks me to the door.  I have a million questions to ask him but before they can reach my mouth I decide they aren’t important.  As we stand outside my front door he reaches for my hands, “Happy Birthday, Madeline.  I hope this year brings you everything you have ever wanted.”

            “Thank you, Greg.  Will you call me?”

            “How about you call me?  I want to give you space but I will be there to talk to you if you want to reach out.”  I know how hard this must be for him and I am in awe of his self-sacrifice.