Rookie in Love [SYTYCW 2013]

Rookie in Love [Chapter Eighteen]

 Chapter Eighteen

            I lay awake all night cocooned in his body.  Sometime around midnight, the room filled with sadness so thick it practically suffocated me.  I wish I had never found out about my mother’s relationship with John.  If I never knew, then I would have been able to be with Jackson without this feeling of disappointing my mother. I can’t erase what I have learned.

            We haven’t said a word to each other this morning, both of us getting ready and packing up in the silence.  Just after 8 a.m., Jackson tells me he is going to return our wedding attire, and I know it must be that he needs to leave the room because it hurts so badly to be so near each other without the possibility of being together.  My phone is going crazy with texts from my brothers checking to see if I am ok and what time I will be coming home.

            It seems that my brothers have a business meeting with my father at the same time my plane lands, so my aunt Gwen will be picking me up.  Abby and Kyle are going straight from the airport to see her family.  At this point Jackson has been gone for a while and I have to wrestle myself away from his bag so I don’t steal a shirt to make sure I can be wrapped in his scent again.  It is pathetic.  I decide I should make a trip up to the honeymoon suite to check it out. 

            Abby and Kyle had decided to wait for this morning to let their families know they eloped.  They wanted to spend the night together free from distractions and tangled up in each other.  Today I can hear Abby squealing as I knock on the door.  Kyle opens the door and rolls his eyes.  I give him a hug and wave to Abby as she talks to someone on the phone.  She is the happiest I have ever seen her. 

            “Are you and Jackson almost ready to go?” Kyle asks.  I nod yes and then try to bring my smile up but fail.  “You know, Maddy, you can just decide that love is enough.  Throw all the other shit out the window and let yourself be happy.  You asked me to share my answer with you so I will; when you truly love a person and believe their soul honors yours, then you find a way to make it work and be ok with whatever that comes with.”  I swipe a tear that races angrily down my face and whisper a quick thank you.  Kyle nods and tells me he will see me in the lobby soon.

            When I get back to the room, Jackson is laying on his back in the bed in complete silence.  Our bags are packed neatly so I thank him for that.  We head down to the lobby and meet up with Abby and Kyle.  On the flight home, Jackson does not reach for my hand and I feel the loss of that decision the entire time.  After claiming our bags, Abby and Kyle tell us goodbye and head out to meet their taxi.  Jackson stops me just before the exit and kisses my lips one last time.   “I know your family, Rookie, just like I know you know mine.  One day they will see that I could take care of you the way you deserve.  Until then, please take care and know I still love you.”  He smiles but if falls immediately and he walks away from me, ripping my soul out as he leaves.

            When my aunt finally pulls up to the curb, I am a mess.  I am sobbing so hard the hiccups have started and I wipe at the tears with my sleeve.  She says nothing as I get in the car and stays silent until we merge onto the freeway.  I can see Jackson’s truck in traffic ahead of us and I swear it takes everything I have not to jump from the car and beg him to forgive me.  I tell myself I am doing this for my mom and my family.

            “Madeline, if you stare at that truck any longer you are going to burn holes in it.  What is going on, Dear?"  I can’t hold back any longer and I spill the last two months of my life without pausing to let her speak.  I tell her about the letter and what I think my mother would want and as we pull up in front of my apartment I see the tears filling her eyes.  She tells me that my uncle David was the David from John’s letter to my mother, but what she tells me next changes everything.

            “Your mother did choose your father, but not like how you have imagined.  She loved John very much and when he left without an explanation it nearly killed her.  She was so depressed I thought we were going to lose her.  One night she snuck into my room with the music box and told me that John had left it for her at their tree outside of the church they often snuck off to.  She read me the letter and I had never seen her so at peace.  She packed a bag and made me promise not to tell our parents she was leaving.  I had been sneaking to spend time with David because, of course, our parents wanted neither brother for us. 

            “In the morning there was a knock on our door.  David stood on our steps and asked to speak with Isabel.  He had come to tell her that his brother had been killed in a car accident on his way home from their tree after dropping off the music box.”  I know my eyes must be as big as saucers as I wait to hear what else she has to say, my heart breaking for my mother.  “She chose John, Madeline, they just never got to see their forever.  Your mother would have understood your love for Jackson. “

            I hug my aunt and head upstairs in a daze.  I broke his heart and let him go, watched his truck as it exited the freeway and turned left as we turned right.  I dig around in my bag for my mother’s box and I’m completely devastated when it isn’t in there.  Curling up into my covers, I cry myself to sleep.

            When I wake up, the apartment is empty and I stand in a hot shower trying to wash away the sadness but it sticks to me with an unheard of force.  I decide that I could use a few stars, and I put on my clothes, tie my hair up and make my way along the side of the apartment building to my trellis.  When I reach the top and throw myself over, I hear the same low chuckle as I did two months ago and I clamp my eyes closed trying to create the sound again in my head.

            I open my eyes when I have convinced myself that hearing his laugh does not make me crazy and I am drawn to a small light in the corner where I always sit.  As I move closer I can almost smell him and I breathe in his scent and the cold night air.  When my eyes start to adjust to the darkness, I can see that there is a blanket laid out and a small lantern sits on its corner.  Jackson’s voice cuts through the cold and warms my soul, “Hey, Rookie, I thought I was going to freeze before you ran again.  I wanted to know if I could have one last dance?”  Opening the small box beside him, I hear my mother’s song begin to play and I stand in awe as he takes me into his arms and begins to dance with me under the stars.

            “Your father, brother and I had a little talk today, Maddy.  I told them how much I loved you and heard every one of their concerns.  They love you, don’t you ever for a minute doubt how precious you are to them.  Ben is not going to be easy to win over but I think he is willing to let me prove myself to him.  Your father just wants your happiness and of course a man that can provide a comfortable lifestyle for you.  I told them I was going to ask you to marry me and while they may not have embraced me with open arms, we shook hands and have come to an understanding that I won’t give up and they won’t ask me to.”  He hugs me tightly as the music fades away and then he slides down to one knee and takes my hand.

 “This is sort of a Hail Mary play but I’m going to go for it.  Rookie, I promise to love you for the rest of my life.  I never believed in love at first sight until you came stumbling into my life.  I don’t know where this road will end, but I do know that I want to walk down it with you as husband and wife one day.  It doesn’t have to be tomorrow, or even this year, but I want to commit to us and what we can become.  Maddy, will you marry me?”  Jackson reaches into my mother’s music box and slides a ring off from around the dancer’s tutu, placing it at the tip of my left ring finger.

            The ring shines up at me, brilliant in the starlight and I admire how the filigree wraps stars around the band.  I am not sure how I could have ever believed my mother would want someone different for me than this man who has courted me, loved me, and asked the men in my life for my hand.  With a smile I drop to my knees too, “Yes, Jackson, I would love to marry you.”  He slides the ring onto my finger and wraps his arms around me.  I will always be his Rookie, and he will always be my everything. 

The End

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