I Found You

Ch7- Breakeven

LILLY

Riker's hand in my hand. My hair was blowing gently and the cool breeze. Our feet sink further into the sand with every step. The amber sunset cast shadows across his face. I couldn't believe I was about to leave for New York. 

"I'm gonna miss you," I said. 

"Don't say that," he sighed. 

"Riker, we can pretend this isn't happening. I'm leaving in a week and a half. We have to talk about this." 

"I know," he squeezed my hand. "It just hurts too much..." 

"Im sorry," I said softly. "It hurts me too. What's gonna happen to us?" 

"I could come with you?" Riker said quietly. 

"No," I had expected this. "no. You have too much here. Your family, your band. . . I don't want you giving up your career for me. This relationship is just too new for something that major. I really wish we could try long-distance but that never works out for anyone -" 

"Stop." He said "just stop talking..." I looked at him. "It sounds like... Like you're about to break up with me..." 

I took a deep shuddery breath and let it out slowly. "I.... I think I am." 

We both chewed on that for a minute and when he spoke, his voice was thick.  

"Okay... If... If you want to break up... Okay." 

"I'm sorry." Tears flooded my eyes. I lay my hand on his chest. "I'm really really sorry." 

"It's okay," Riker said. His voice cracked dramatically. "I love you. But if we need to break up then... We should break up." 

The wind was ice cold on my skin where my tears wetted my cheeks. Riker wiped a tear from my face with this thumb.  

"I love you" he whispered.  

We kissed. Tears still ran down our faces. He held me so tight I thought he would never let go.

But he did.

---

"It's okay honey..." Cassie handed me a steaming mug of peppermint green tea. I blew on it and took a sip. "You know fate will bring you back together if it's really meant to be." 

I sniffed softly wiping a tear. "You didn't see his face... When I said it... I crushed him Cass. That's not something I can just fix." 

"I'm really sorry..." She sighed heavily. "I have to call Ross. It's getting late and I want to talk to him before he goes to bed." 

"Okay" I said. "Call your boyfriend who you didn't have to break up with today because you're moving across the country in a week... Have fun." 

She rubbed my back soothingly.  

"I'm sorry," she said before dialing Ross and leaving the room.

CASSIE

"how's he doing?" I asked biting my lip. 

Ross sighed. "not great. He's taking this pretty hard. He keeps switching between uncontrollable rage and incapacitating depression..." 

I looked across the hall to my bedroom door, behind which I can only assume will he was crying. 

"How's Lilly coping?" Ross asked. 

"not great either. I've never seen her like this. She's so mad at herself for hurting Riker." 

Ross scoffed."yeah that she definitely did." His voice quieted- he was holding the phone away from his mouth. "Cassie... Yeah... Okay sure... He broke what?!? Shit..."