ydaer er'uoy revenehw {whenever you're ready - joshler au}

eerht

'i began to understand'  

he called him 'tiger'. he didn't really remember how the boy had gained that nickname, but it had always stuck. he had called him 'tiger' for the entirety of the four years they had known each other. it was only when they started dating in the spring that tiger had finally let him call him 'tiggy'. sometimes, he even allowed 't-dog', even though a tiger was obviously a cat. tiger pulled him closer, the sheets rustling around them, a small noise in a universe of comfortable silence.

"do you really have to go?" tiger asked, his hand gently entwines with his. "mm," he mumbled. "you know what would happen if mum found out about me, about us." tiger nodded, nuzzling his head softly into his neck. "i hate it when you leave." tiger said softly, thinking about what happens when he leaves. tiger only ever feels safe when he's around. tiger's demons only came by whenever he was alone, but they were unbearable. "i know," he mumbled, kissing tiger's forehead softly. "you know i'd stay if i could. but i can't."

he shot up just as a light flickered in the hallway. he dashed over to the window, tiger's eyes watching him the whole way. "i love you" he whispered, jumping out and heading over to his car. he buckled up and sighed. tiger had wanted to tell his parents, but he convinced him that if his parents knew, they would find a way to tell his mum about it too. having a secret relationship was better than nothing at all, right? he just wished they could spend more time together.

he started the engine, just as his phone chimed in the backseat. he leaned over and saw a message from tiger: i love you too xx. he placed his phone back in it's spot in the backseat, tiger's heart residing with it. as he pulled onto the highway, he could almost feel tiger's sadness and angst. he watched all of the car's heading south, tiger's soft eyes and careful touch the only thing on his mind. he wished he could somehow go back, to keep tiger safe.

there was no doubt, he loved tiger. he wished he could crack the door open so he could return to tiger's side. to keep the demons away from him. he would do anything to keep tiger happy, and to keep his demons away. he started to understand why people make so many huge sacrifices for the ones they love. he knows he would do anything for tiger.

he reached home just before the sun decided it was time to wake up. he crept softly into his room, slipping under the covers, dreading the start of his boring sunday. he pulled his phone out of his pocket and smiled at the small message from tiger. his smile faded at the thought of tiger, alone, in his cold room, facing the ceiling, sleep eluding him.

and he began to understand why god died.