ydaer er'uoy revenehw {whenever you're ready - joshler au}

evif

'rain down and destroy me'  

it'd been in his head all week. 'i'm a kitchen sink' he repeated. 'i'm a kitchen sink. i'm a kitchen sink. i'm nothing.' it was only getting worse. the only things helping him to pull through were tiger's constant messages, but it wasn't enough.

he had reopened the past battles a few nights ago. they were hidden, most on the lining of his stomach. there were fifteen battles all together, and he always made sure that they were hidden. he didn't need his mum to worry about him more than she already did. he knew he was alone in his fight, so he had to win the battle by himself.

his mum had always taught him about the 'almighty' who ruled over all. but he didn't understand how their could be someone up there controlling everything if he was so miserable. surely, there would be a solution to how he felt.

he'd tried everything to get better. he went for a walk to the music store, playing loud music only he could hear through his headphones. he tried to read some of the old stories held captive in the local library, but each word was only a bore for him. he looked for the opportunity to go and visit tiger, but it never came up. he was so lonely.

his mum was late, her meeting yet again running over time. he sat on the couch, watching the people on the television screen move happily through their lives. one question was circling through his mind: why? why was he suffering so much? why was he in so much pain? why why why?

a few raindrops hit the ground outside, each drop fading as quickly as it was arriving. "why?" he whispered to no one in particular. he switched the tv off, sitting in silence, before falling to his knees. each sob shook his body, ricocheted through him like an echo bouncing off of each wall.

"why!" he cried at the top of his lungs, sobbing more violently. he screamed, letting every emotion out. he hid his face in the soft carpet, letting his heavy breaths take over. "if you're so powerful, why can't you help me?!" he screamed towards the roof. the rain was pounding outside now, intensifying to a loud hum instead of the smooth pitter patter of rain.

"where are you?!" he sobbed once more, running his hands through his hair and tugging harshly at the soft ends. he started shaking, "where are you..." he whispered, falling into the carpet. his body felt cold, empty.

the rain continued to come down, destroying him.