Living Like A Runaway

Caught in the Middle...

For the first time in what felt like ages, I had some alone time. My band was at their respective houses, my new boyfriend was still at the lake cabin with GnR, and Steel Panther was still in the studio. I decided to head up to my room to think about the last few days: I had my first gig, got myself a boyfriend, and got knocked flat on my ass over some drugs. 

I was more than happy to have Axl Rose for a boyfriend. It was no secret that he had some mood issues, and I wasn't going to deny that that was a possible issue. However, in my mind, it was nothing that couldn't be handled. Izzy, of course, was the only known person that could figure Axl out, but I wanted to add myself to that category. As for the family finding out, well, I'd deal with it as it happened.

The other thing that swirled around my mind was that private drug fest in the cabin. I was happy when I was high, and I felt invincible and fulfilled and completely on cloud nine when I was high. There were no doubts, no worries, and nothing could hurt me. It was a high I craved again, but one that would be more than worth the wait. Part of me wished I had actually done the ecstasy, but knowing GnR well enough, another opportunity would come sooner than later.

Just, it felt like an absolute drag to think about what it was like when I wasn't high like that now. I imagined what it would have been like for any other hair band, most specifically the most notorious one I knew; Mötley Crüe. I wondered if they were willing to die for their music, let alone for the drug inferno they'd created for themselves.  And that's when I grabbed my journal and began to write.

My life it feels just like a never-ending Monday morning, somebody wake me from this nightmare, will it ever end? No, I don't like it; No color in the sky, the same old tired situation, stuck in the place I can't escape, I've been here way too long; All this monotony has gotten me nowhere, but doubt I'm reckless and on fire...

That would be fine for a first verse, but I'd still need a pre-chorus and the chorus itself. Quite honestly, going by the fast tempo in my head, it would be easier to make the other chorus and just work around it instead.    

I go to work, the boss is clamoring for my attention, another monologue I've heard a million times before, no, I'm not lying; I'm bored to death as I can beg it since I don't remember, it's like a promise, like a suicide I can't endure; Whenever I don't get any time I think I'm gonna die, I'm reckless and on fire...

Instead of going for the chorus or pre-chorus, however, I wrote out the middle-eight next. Since the chorus was the main punch of the song, if I couldn't whip it up right away, it was always easiest for me personally to wait to do it at the end, to tie the verses and such together. Either it was going to come to you first, or you were going to have to make it come to you. The middle eight went like this, and it felt a little more personally rooted than the rest of the song did:

I wanna feel what I felt before, I wanna know there's something more, 'cause the devil down in me, it never dies; I wanna revel in ecstasy, I want that drug goin' down at me, wanna live just like I'm dying, I don't wanna let this moment pass me by! I wave bye bye bye...

At that point, I put in a note to add a guitar solo following the middle-eight so that the song wouldn't end up being too lyrically packed. Now that I was done with the rest of the lyric-making process, I could hit the chorus:    

 One last thrill and always, it seemed to feel so right; What I'd give for one taste, of one last thrill before I die... However, after what would be the solo, there would be a double repeat of the chorus. In the first of those two run-through choruses, I cut off the word die, just for a little bit of edge. At the top of the page, I wrote the name of my newest song for the Conspirators: One Last Thrill.