How To Annoy People: Ultimate Guide

Annoying things that stupid people say

EXPANDING THE TERRITORY NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

# 1 There are no stupid questions 
If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? - Scott Adams

# 2 New and Improved!!! 
OK, you trickster- Which one is it? If it's new, it hasn't been available long enough for improvements to be made. If it's improved, it's been available too long to be considered new.

# 3 Two heads are better than one 
Not necessarily. Firstly, when you bring another head into the equation, you've now made it possible to "bump heads". Secondly, the number of heads does not guarantee the value of each head. This statement is only true if both heads are at least 50% or more than the value of the "individual head", with one of the "two heads" being greater than 50% of the "individual head"; assuming that both heads are able to communicate effectively enough to benefit from this advantage.

# 4 Don't judge a book by its cover 
Rubbish. What better way is there to judge a book? Follow this advice and you may end up reading Mein Kampf instead of the Audicity of Hope.

# 5 I'm only human 
Unlike who? Is there anything that you can be in addition to being human? What's everyone else's excuse?

# 6 Same difference 
You either don't understand what same means, different means, or both.

# 7 A pair of pants 
Bear with me for a second here. Why a pair of pants, when it's only one item? Some say because we have two legs. I can understand that but we also have two arms. Why don't we say a "pair of jacket" or a "pair of shirt"? On another note, we do say a "pair of gloves" and a "pair of shoes", so what gives? We either have to start saying a "pair of shirt" or "a pants". Hell, we even say a "pair of glasses".

# 8 It is what it is 
If by "it", you mean redundant nonsense, then "it" sure is.

# 9 Sh*t happens 
So... you either have Tourettes or you're admitting the while I've been here, explaining my dilemma, you've been secretly taking a shit on yourself? Why else would you make such an outburst?

# 10 What doesn't kill you makes you stronger 
There's nothing killing me right now, so I should be getting stronger by the second, right?

# 11 I, personally 
After saying "I", do you really feel the need to stress the fact that you're making a personal statement? You had me at I.

# 12 I thought to myself 
That's kind of how it works. Well, at least until they create brain wifi. Or are you so used to thinking for other people that you had to make the distinction.

# 13 I saw it with my own eyes 
That's really convincing. Here I was, thinking that you saw it with someone elses's eyes.

# 14 Can I ask you a question? 
Yes, and your limit is up.

# 15 It's a piece of cake 
Firstly, no, it isn't. I've never heard someone say "it's a piece of cake" when referring to an actual piece of cake. Who would have to explain that to someone, anyhow? Secondly, what makes cake a symbol for simplicity? How many people do you know that can bake a cake, from scratch, without instructions? I can't. Even if you can bake a cake, it's still not easy enough to be considered the poster child for ease. Baking takes a lot more time and attention than cooking. Maybe they meant pancake? "It's as easy as a pancake". It sounds stupid but it's more fitting than cake.

# 16 Did I wake you? 
No. Sometimes I like to lay limp and breath heavily with my eyes closed.

# 17 I don't mean to interrupt... 
Oh, I'm sorry. What were your intentions then?