1 Treat Facebook like Twitter. Keep adding updates on the most mundane things, such as, “I just woke up,” “I’m tired,” “This oatmeal tastes like garbage,” “My dog is barking right now.” Assume that people want to know every second of your life—don’t hold back. If you’re on the toilet, bring your computer along and share it with the world. After all, nothing brings Facebook Friends closer than sharing bowel movements and eating habits.
2 Post every single Spotify track to which you are listening, especially if you have a niche musical taste. Telling the world what you just listened to on Spotify is no different than driving around with your car radio cranked up and your windows down -- advertising how Awesome your 'taste' in music is will not impress people.
3 update how much you love your significant other. Constantly mention things such as, “Stacey is the greatest gf in the world,” or “You rock my socks, Jake!”, or "JC and I are soooooooo in love!" This will make all your single friends annoyed that they aren’t in a relationship and they'll soon feel like you’re rubbing it in their face. Try to be cheesy and unrealistic when it comes to saying why you love your significant other so much.
If you don’t have a real partner, write down how much you love your worldly gadgets, such as, “OMG! I LOVE MY NEW IPHONE/IPAD/ITHINGY!” Rub it in everyone’s face that they don’t have the spare funds to get their own widget or "latest gadget." Act like a big shot and prepare to show off.
4 Send them game requests!
5 Update about Mob Wars, Farmville/Cityville, and other Facebook applications. Did you level up? Did you find a little, lost, abandoned, black sheep? If so, tell people about it. Expand by asking your Friends to help you get that hot air balloon on Farmville or to help your crops grow while you’re out of town. They’ll love you for it.
6 Abuse upper and lowercase letters. Upper and lower case every other letter. It doesn’t matter what you type about, just utilize this method as much as possible. It’ll take forever for your Friends to decode, especially if you write long-winded paragraphs on their walls. Or, SHOUT all the time and act like you haven't a clue why it's annoying.
7 Pretend to lose your phone or contact lists every other day and ask for your Friends' numbers each time. To take it up a notch, send mass messages out asking for everyone’s numbers. That way, whenever someone replies, your Friends get notification after notification with something that has nothing to do with them.
8 Invite your Friends to as many causes and groups as you can find. It may be “Help 1,000 People Get Rice” or “Raise Awareness for Cancer,” but whatever it is, invite people every day to causes that are near and dear to your heart.
9 Every time your Friends are online, contact them through Facebook chat. Once they respond, ask them how they are, but keep the conversation slow by explaining what you did today. Don’t talk about anything significant—just bring back the old days of AIM.
10 Post every music video you watch on YouTube.
11 Oblige everyone to repost your postings.
12 Proclaim how YOUR baby is the most unique, gifted, and intelligent baby in the world. Nobody else's baby is nearly as smart or as beautiful or as unique as yours. Make certain to also allow your entire existence to be defined and validated by your new baby, because he or she is certain to be your best friend for the rest of your life. Set your baby's photo (which looks identical to any other baby ever born) as your profile picture.
13 Post timely statements frequently and regularly. Exclaim your desire or demand for coffee every morning, or proclaim "TGIF" every Friday, because your Friends will be thankful for the reminder that it's Friday.
14 Post vague and passive-aggressive complaints about another person for the rest of your Friends to see. After all, where's the fun in confronting the actual person when you can play the victim before everyone else instead?
15 Make sure to comment on every single entry, no matter how irrelevant your opinion.
16 Paste song lyrics without giving credit or context.
17 Post a note or upload a picture and to make sure no one will miss it, tag every single person in your Friend list on it.
18 Use mass messaging instead of creating events to invite people for an occasion.
19 Exclaim how much you can't stand when people complain about something on Facebook. Your Friends will especially enjoy the fact that you are complaining about complaining.
20 Express your political dogma several times a day. Be sure to include links to non-credible biased sources.
21 Expect a much more "manageable" number of Facebook Friends. That was your aim, right?
22 Update your Profile Picture frequently. Try doing the 'duckface' or taking pictures of random objects.
Have every single profile picture be of you and your significant other.
Post pictures of all your food - and preach about how well you eat.
Use terms like "besties" to describe your friends, and never refer to them as anything other than "besties."
Write vague or somewhat dire status updates so people will interact with you by asking you what you mean or what's wrong. You'll know who your real friends are who will always be there to continually cheer you up.
Every time you get a first date, change your status from "single," post pictures, and gush on and on about how you miss them while they're at work. Then when they don't call again, you can post for several weeks about your heartbreak and how people are just not considerate any more these days.
If you're mad at someone, remove them from your Friends list. If you reconcile, add them back. You get brownie points if you do this with your significant other.
"Poke" as many friends as you can, whenever you can.
Show your loyalty to the new Twilight or Harry Potter movie by not posting any other irrelevant details about your life. Keep your content focused on your one single interest. You never know when Edward Cullen might be reading your page!
Make a Facebook page for your dog (or other pet) and only talk to people through your pet's page about the pet's interest.
Post song lyrics as a status update. Some of your Friends will think it's just a regular status update, will respond with a non-lyric comment, and you and your other in-the-know Friends can enjoy a hearty laugh at their expense when they realize they've been duped.
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How To Annoy People: Ultimate Guide
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