How To Annoy People: Ultimate Guide

Annoying Things to do at School

organize a bunch of people in one class to emit a low humming noise, keeping straight faces.

organize a whole bunch of people to fall off their chairs at the same time.

organize a whole bunch of people to drop their pencils/pens at a preset time.

superglue quarters to the floor, count how many people try to pick them up.

write fake love notes and slip them into people's lockers

if someone near you falls asleep in class, tie their shoelaces to the desk/chair.

lay a paper towel roll on the floor at the top of the steps and give it a kick, making sure you've taped the loose end to the floor already.

place chalk inside the erasers so the teachers end up putting big 'ol lines across the blackboard.

when you use the bathroom, get a LOT of soap on your hands (If it's the slimy kind), but don't wash it off, just leave goo all over doorknobs, railings, etc.

screaming gibberish in crowded hallways is always good for a laugh.

leave a Snickers bar in the toilet.

ask people to hold your hand when going down the stairs

Type every word in a different font. Alternate really big fonts with really small fonts.

Bring candles and incense to class. Before handing in the paper, perform an elaborate ceremony, entreating the gods to bless the paper and correct all your typos.

Carve your paper on the bathroom wall.

Cite issues of Spiderman and Batman as resources in your bibliography.

Come to class leading a horse or camel. When asked to turn in the paper, take it out of one of the saddlebags, then shoot the horse/camel/whatever away. Refuse to discuss it.

Compare and contrast the characters of James T. Kirk and Jean-Luc Picard. Claim that one is actually Hamlet, and the other is King Lear. Say that Worf is Ophelia.

Draw obscure connections between totally unrelated things. For example, claim that abnormal amounts of neutrino activity in Germany caused Hitler to invade France, or that the Roman empire collapsed because of a shortage of qualified botanists.

Draw pictures of your professor in the margins.

End the paper with "This paper will self-destruct in 10 seconds".

Get a large piece of paper or canvas. Smear paint all over it and hand it in as your paper. Explain that the topic was such an emotional one for you, and that mere words couldn't possibly express what you had to say.

Hand your paper in in a sealed envelope with postmarks from several different countries on it. Say that you wanted several different perspectives on your work.

If assigned a 2000-word paper, draw two pictures of what the paper was supposed to be about. After all, a picture is worth 1000 words, right?

If assigned a paper in philosophy class, explain that you can't do the paper because you're not sure if the class really exists, or if it and the professor are just illusions created by your subconscious. If you do end up writing the paper, write about whether or not the paper actually exists.

Make a footprint on the back of one of the pages. When questioned by the professor, act like it's nothing unusual. After all, he did tell you to include footnotes.

Make a tape of you singing the contents of your paper, opera- style, and hand that in.

Make your paper one long, neverending sentence that goes on for pages and pages and pages; use alot of semi-colons, commas, and other interesting, rarely-used punctuation marks [(for example), an interesting one: the colon_] but never ever end the sentence {[_-|/??!]}.

Ol, switch alound arr the l's and r's in youl papel, rike Monty Python did in Queen Erizabeth the Thild.

On the day the paper is due, skip into class, waving the paper and screaming, "I have a paper! I have a paper!". Run around the class a few times, then joyfully throw it out the window. Laugh and yell, "There's my paper!", then run outside to get it. Repeat this all through the period, or until the prof throws you out.

Paint a large white stripe down the front of your paper. Say that on the way to class, your dropped it in the street and it got run over by one of those trucks that paint lines on the road.

Perfume the paper with catnip. Explain that it was to keep your dog from eating it.

Poke several holes in the paper. Say that you were mobbed by crows on the way to class.

Print all the pages on one sheet of paper, with the text overlapping. Say that that was all the paper you had.

Put nonsense words down as quotes. Say that you are quoting the words of a well-known Zen master who was speaking in tongues at the time.

Pwetend you have a speech impediment and awways type w's whenevew you weawwy want to type r's ow l's.

Refer to all prominant historical figures by nicknames. For example, call George Washington "Georgie". Call Ben Franklin "Sparky".

Refuse to do the paper on account of the fact that you are a member of Greenpeace and strongly object to the gratuitous slaughter of trees caused by the massive amount of paper used in writing assignments.

Spill a martini on your sociology paper. Say that you wrote it in a bar so that you could see "sociology in action."

Staple a picture of an academic building to the paper. Cite the picture as a resource.

Support your thesis with quotes from your VCR manual.

Switch the names of prominent history figures with the names of your friends, classmates, etc. Claim that your roommate led the Spanish Armada.

TTyyppee eevveerryy lleetttteerr ttwwiiccee..

Tell the professor that you need an extension because one of your primary sources is an old wise man in Tibet and he won't see you until the next full moon.

The night before the paper is due, call the professor and explain that you can't turn your paper in because it contains sensitive military information and is only available on a "need to know" basis. Insist that General Schwarzkopf says you should get an 'A'.

Turn in a letter you wrote to your cousin. When the teacher confronts you about it, say that you must have gotten the letter and the paper mixed up. Say that you'll turn the paper in as soon as you get it back, but your cousin lives in Siberia, so it might take a while.(This is a nifty way to get an extension.)

Turn the paper in by making paper airplanes out of the pages of the paper and attempting to fly them onto the professor's desk.

Type gibberish. When you hand it in, claim that your computer crashed while you were printing it, and you couldn't retrieve the original.

Use a forklift to bring your paper to class, even if it's only a few pages. Explain that it involved some very heavy reading.

When writing an especially long paper, put a recipe for chocolate cake in the middle and see if the professor notices.

When your prof asks for an outline of your paper, draw the outline of the piece of paper you typed it on and hand it in.

Write a paper discussing why Michelangelo got to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, but Van Gogh didn't. Discuss whether Van Gogh would have used nunchakus or katanas.

Write about whether Plato would have said that Miller Light is "less filling" or that it "tastes great". Also explain why Aristotle would have taken the opposite view. Try to predict both philosphers' reactions to Spuds McKensie.

Write the entire paper on Post-it notes and turn it in by sticking them all over the professor's door.

Write your history paper on parchment, using a quill. Say that you were trying to get the feel for the period.

Write your paper by cutting out words from magazines and sticking them on the page, ransom-note style.

Write your psychology paper on possible genetic anomalies that might cause a person to prefer anchovies.