run of the mill.

21st

"Sir," Shawn said as he stepped closer to the visibly tired man.

He was out of options. Beyonce was not seeing his side and nothing he did alone would convince her to do anything other than hate him. He knew that if he wanted her to even tolerate him, he would have to ask for help. Shawn knew he would have to step out of the box.

Robert looked up at him gave him a very unimpressed once over that reduced Shawn to a shriveling child all over again. He hated it. Up until Robert looked at him like he did, his mother was the only person that could do that to him. Shawn had been living grown for so long, he forgot that he was still someone's baby, someone's child. He lost his place in the world and what's worse, he lost his woman and child too.

Beyonce had said that she hated him and he didn't know if it was true or not but she believed it was. Whether it was true or not, she wanted to hate him. She wanted to look at him and not feel anything. She wanted him to be a sperm donor and he could not have that. He had seen the error of his ways and saw what he was giving up if he didn't man up and do what needed to be done. There was no way he was living his life without that strong woman and beautiful child.

He couldn't believe what he'd made her reduce herself to. For him, Beyonce had turned into some obedient Leave It to Beaver wife with no spine and no backbone. And as long as he could remember their friendship, she was never that person. She was helpful and loving and giving, yes, but she was never submissive or indifferent. Beyonce was a sweetheart but damnit when you pissed her off, you pissed her off and she told you about yourself. He hadn't seen any of that fire in the last few months and he felt like an asshole for ever becoming accustomed to such a woman... such a stranger.

He was going to get her back. He was going to marry her. And he was going to spend the rest of his life making up for the last two years any way that he could. Shawn promised himself that he could do whatever it took to let her know that he was sorry, that he adored her, and that he was still on her team. He would not be traded off for her pride. He wanted her to have it but he couldn't stress how much he was sorry. He made a mistake but no one, no matter what they said or did or thought they could do, would love Beyonce like he did.

And he wasn't about to give anybody the chance to try either.

"What is it?" Robert asked standing up and stretching tired bones. He'd been to see the baby just before Beyonce put her down to take a nap. Shawn put Jamiarah to sleep and told his mother to keep an eye on both of them while he went somewhere. "Does Beyonce need me?"

Shawn shook his head quickly. "No, sir... I was actually hoping to talk to you."

Robert eyed him suspiciously. "About?"

Shawn wrung his hands and inhaled and exhaled. He looked into the man's familiar eyes and noted that they were the same height. Only Robert was a little taller by his afro. "Mind if we sit down?" he said, stalling despite himself.

Robert moved his robe and bible. He'd baptized Jamiarah only hours after she was born. He sat down and Shawn sat in the seat next to him. "What's on your mind?" Robert said in a bored tone. The pastor in him, the man ordained by God, wouldn't let him be belligerent. But the father in him, the man who'd raised children, wanted to break his arm.

"Sir," Shawn said. "I need a favor."

"... a favor?" Robert repeated. Are you serious, he thought. I should kill you right now.

Shawn nodded jerkily. "Yes..." Shawn looked Robert square in the eye and stiffened his spine. He sat up and acted like the man he felt he was in such a hurry to become. Shawn knew that it was too late to want to be a child again. He had a child himself now. He need to be a man, so Shawn stepped up and spoke... man to man. "I need you to forgive me."

Robert's face showed confusion. "Excuse me?"

"... You hate me just as much as she does. Sir, I need you to believe that I never meant to hurt her. I need to understand that I love Beyonce with everything that I have-."

"What you have isn't good enough," Robert spat bitterly, looking away from him and listening to the hum of the vending machine. This boy was so young. He was so sure he had it all figured out. Robert was willing to bet that he had worked over his little speech over and over in his head. "Nobody wants to hear 'what you have' when you're talking about love."

Shawn nodded a tiny movement. He understood. The words were too plain, too commonly used and cheap. Who would believe that if Hallmark wouldn't? He had to do better if he wanted Robert to listen to anything he had to say. He had to pull down the walls that he'd built; thinking a lack of emotion was what was required in order to be a man. He had to push through all the bullshit society saw as a man and be the man that he was going to be. Not the man he wanted everyone to think he was.

Shawn blinked and stared at the tiles. "I need her," he mumbled.

"Why?" Robert asked, looking over at him carefully.

Shawn smacked his lips; fighting the embarrassment he felt when tears prickled his eyes. This was the man that he was. He didn't give a damn who said that men weren't suppose to cry. THIS man was going to fucking cry if he needed to. He could not lose her. Failure was not an option.

He heard Robert repeat his stiff 'why' and blinked, willing himself not to belittle himself and say what he had to say, no matter how lame it sounded. He was going against everything he had been taught about how to be a man and it was eating away at him but Shawn would let pride and temper eat at his guts the rest of his life before he lived without her.

"... Because I can't be me without her." It felt good to admit it aloud. "Because I can't live with this ache in my chest... I-I can't do it..."

Shawn looked away and blinked back what he thought was gonna spill down his face. It had been a raw day for him and he had stupidly chosen that day, when all his emotions were bare and exposed because of the birth of his first born, to proclaim his love for Beyonce. He was such a fucking idiot.

"What do you want me to do?" Robert asked. He could feel the love and pain radiating off the boy for crying out loud. He couldn't turn his back on that. His daughter deserved to be treated better, no doubt, but she also deserved that kind of love. If Shawn could do it right, direct his love in her direction properly, Robert knew he could love his daughter right; whole heartedly. The way she deserved to be loved.

She was gonna hate him again, for switching sides, but she would forgive. Beyonce was raised in the church and he knew that it might take her a while, but she would forgive.

Shawn looked at him again with a plea in his eyes that took Robert by surprise. "I need you to make her come back with me."

"What?" Robert said. "You want me to what?"

"She doesn't have to be with me, she don't even have to live with me... but I need her close. I can't convince her to forgive me from states away."

Robert rubbed his face and sighed. "Boy," he stopped short and shook his head like he couldn't believe what was happening. "You know that in order to do that, I would have to tell her she's not welcome in my home right?"

"Please. I promise you that I will take care of her this time... All I have left is my word and a few dollars."

Robert looked at him.

"My word is all I have left, sir. My word is my bond and it's all I have left. I'm giving this all I have."

Robert sighed and looked at him with a threat in his eyes. "If you mess up again-."

"I won't."

"How do you even know she's gonna come back to you? She really does hate you."

Shawn shrugged. "I don't. But I gotta try."