run of the mill.

15th

The silence was kind of deafening. The sound of the people in the hall and the heater going was all that beat in their ears. They didn't bother to look at once another. Neither of them wanted to. They were both kind of afraid of what they would see. At this point, they were both just stupidly guessing what was going through the others mind instead of just asking. It was a very childish way of handling their problems but neither of them cared.

When it got to be too much to handle and she couldn't think in the silence anymore, she blurted something out. "We had sex." Damnit.

Shawn nodded. "I remember."

"..."

"..."

"Why?"

Shawn looked at the top of her head as she talked to the ground. "Because I asked you to."

Beyonce nodded like she understood what the hell that meant. She understood that this was going to be a hard conversation but if she was going to be the only one willing to try and discuss it, then fuck it. She rubbed a hand over her hair and looked past him to the food. "Forget it. Let's just eat."

Shawn should have told her no. He should have said that there were things between them that needed to be discussed if they wanted to keep this friendship strong. They had built the relationship they had on being the only person the other one could be completely honest with. And if they started lying and keeping secrets now, who knows what they would be lying about next. They would be just like everybody else.

"I wanted to have sex with you every since I saw you naked."

"What!" Beyonce said when she whirled around to face him in terror.

Shawn put his hands up in a surrendering way. "No, no not naked. Just, you know, in those blue underwear."

Beyonce put a hand over her chest and breathed a ragged breath. "Oh," she said in a calmed manner.

Shawn couldn't help the laughter that bubbled in his gut at the look in her eyes when she turned to him. The best friend in him made Shawn laugh at her. She cut her eyes at him. "You should have seen your face," he said as he laughed. He paused and tried to mimic the expression but it just came off as some sort of small, wounded child or something.

Beyonce couldn't help but to chuckle after she slapped his arm. "Shut up!" she tried to say over his laughing. "That shit would be embarrassing."

Shawn thought about it. "But I've seen you naked, now I have anyway."

"Well I've seen you naked too."

Beyonce felt her cheeks turn red. She turned her face from him and covered her hand with her mouth. And just like that it wasn't funny anymore.

"What does this mean Shawn?" she said to the food. "Are we going back to the way things were?"

Shawn didn't have the slightest clue. But he didn't dare tell her that. He didn't even want to say that. His eyes fell down to the soft mound that had her sweatshirt sitting atop it. And, being completely honest with himself, Shawn did not want to give up her body. He didn't know if it was the liquor or the curiosity or the want or what but that was not something he wanted taken away from him.

Then again, Shawn thought, I'd rather have her friendship. And females always trip about physical relationships. He was better off with just being a good friend.

"Yeah," he said reluctantly. "We had been drinking."

He saw Beyonce nod and turn to him. "That's what I was thinking. Just chill out."

"Yeah."

"Right."

"..."

"..."

"So look." Beyonce sat down at the dresser and opened one of the white containers. "After we finish this, I think you owe me a movie. Your treat."

Shawn had to laugh at her bold ass. "My treat hunh?"

Beyonce nodded in a snotty manner. "Yep, for my pain and suffering without my bestest buddy!" She batted her eyes lashes as Shawn and laughed at his malice expression.

"Yeah, whatever Bey."

"That's right." Beyonce fixed him a plate and moved to hand it to him. "Cause what I say goes. Right?"

"..."

She moved the plate from his reach when he didn't say anything. "Right?"

Shawn rolled his eyes and sighed, smiling a little. "Right."

It wasn't exactly how it use to be... but it was close.

"Shawn," Beyonce called through his door. He just called and asked her to come over and now he didn't want to answer the damn door. Beyonce huffed and knocked again. She was just in the middle of a re-run episode of Boy Meets World and she loved that show.

"Was up Beyonce," somebody said as they passed.

She turned to nod to the person passing and knocked again. "Shawn, I'm finna go man. Open the damn door."

The door was cracked and then Beyonce peaked through the slit into the dark and then cautiously stepped inside. It was completely dark when she closed the door behind her. Beyonce squinted and tried to make something out in the room. Nothing but the outline of the window where the streetlight lit the room.

"Come 'ere."

Beyonce almost jumped at the sound of his voice in the silence. It was course and almost sad. No it was definitely sad. The sound immediately made her feel less human, like he was a part of her. She suddenly wasn't happy anymore. She shook off the thoughts. "What? Why's the light off?"

When he said nothing she opted not to turn it on. Goodness knows what she might see. Besides she trusted Shawn enough to walk into the dark if he asked her to. She kicked off her Nike slides and then dropped her keys on the floor somewhere. Using her toes, she felt around the carpet until she came in contact with his bed. Beyonce turned and sat down slowly.

"Shawn was going on?" Beyonce peeled the jacket she had on off her shoulders and turned to where she heard the voice.

"My aunt died."

"Aunty Barbara from church?"

"Heart attack. This morning."

Beyonce felt her heart do a little dance in her throat. She had just met the perfectly healthy, completely happy woman weeks ago at church. Now she was dead? Her heart sincerely went out to her friend. She knew how close the two of them were since Shawn didn't have any family around for miles. He went to visit her often since she lived mere minutes away.

All Shawn had was his aunt. He and his father didn't always see eye about things and his mother just listened to her husband. And though he loved them, he always treasured being able to talk to her. And she had even invited Beyonce to the house a few times when she cooked something special for Shawn or after a good sermon. She could see why Shawn was so close with her. The woman was downright lovable.

She bit her lip in the darkness. "I'm sorry."

When he didn't say anything Beyonce lifted her hand into the dark. She leaned forward until her fingertips bumped into something soft. Cotton. Warm cotton. She put her palm down and allowed her hand to roll over the material and figure out just was she was touching. Her fingers grazed a material of much softer and warmer value, skin. Beyonce felt over the skin in the silence, realizing that it was his collar bone, broad and strong from football and masculinity.

Beyonce put herself on her knees and carefully climbed back on the bed. When she got close enough to feel his heat radiating off his body she brushed her hair aside and put her head on the collar bone and shoulder she had just touched. Her arm wrapped over his chest and cupped the back of his head lovingly.

And the two of them just sat in the dark for a while, her clinging to him until he wasn't as tense and him taking every ounce of sympathy his friend had to offer to make himself feel better. Beyonce kept her head on his shoulder even when Shawn grabbed her wrist and removed her hand from his head. His fingers traced her hand in the dark like he was a vampire or something. His precision was remarkable. Beyonce told herself that maybe he just remembered her hands or something. But then she figured he didn't pay that much attention to her hands so he must have been able to see them in that pale black room.

But he did remember her hands. He remembered everything about her.

"I gotta leave town Friday night for the funeral on Sunday." Shawn announced to the dark.

Beyonce waited a beat. "Do you need help packing?"

"... Do you?"

Beyonce was about to ask him what he meant but she suddenly got it.
He was asking her to come with him. To his house to meet his parents and all of that.

"You want me to go?" she asked stupidly.

Shawn's hands never faltered. They continued to play with hers lamely as he spoke his mind. "I need you to come," he clarified. Beyonce sat up and removed her hand from his. If she left, coach would take her off of starting line for the next game. She would miss valuable practice time. She had worked so damn hard to be where she was on that team. She put up with all of that bullshit from those jealous ass females that were supposed to be her teammates. If she left now she would lose that for who knows how long.

And she would have to buy a ticket. Her dad would have a fit if he found out that she had not only purchased something so expensive, but she left the state a month before her first set of finals. Sure she had saved up some money from the allowance that they were giving her, not to mention the credit card she was approved for, and the tutoring she was doing in her spare time. But her dad had taught her, for the most part, to spend her money wisely. Besides the occasional outfit and shoe, she had been doing that.

Shawn could hear the words 'I can't' forming in her head before she actually said them. He needed her there. He didn't want to go a whole weekend without her and it was selfish of him and he knew what he was asking of her. He shouldn't have said anything. He should have told her that he could handle it on his own. This wasn't even her family. Shawn didn't know why he thought that he could convince her to give up her start-.

"If I'm going then we should buy our tickets together."

Shawn's head whipped to her in the dark. What? She was going to go? Just for him?

"I'll write you a check and you can deposit it into your account and buy the tickets online."

Shawn nodded even though she couldn't see him. He was so grateful. He was sure that if his heart had been aching so much he would have felt more towards her for what she was doing for him. He knew how hard she worked for the respect of her basketball teammates and she might have been throwing her work for the year away.

"Thanks," he whispered.

Beyonce nodded into the dark, just as he had done before. Then she put her head back on his shoulder and closed her eyes. "Don't mention it."



Coach," Beyonce poked her head inside the small office inside the girl's locker room. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"
Laura looked up from her play book at her brightest player. She pulled her thin black glasses down her nose and waved the girl in. Beyonce threw the wet towel from her hair into the hamper beside her coach's door and entered. "What's on your mind?"

Beyonce sat down across from Laura and inhaled, not sure exactly where to start of what she was going to tell her. She wrung her hands and huffed nervously. "I," she began. "I gotta leave town for the weekend. There was a death in my best friend's family and I have to leave." Before Laura could even respond, Beyonce continued, too nervous and wound up to stop now. "I understand everything that might happen if I miss a practice but this is something I have to do."

Laura sat back and put a hand to her chin as she thought. Beyonce fidgeted anxiously. She had already made up her mind about what was more important to her. She had a bond with Shawn. Basketball was something she loved but it could never love her back. In the end it was just something she was good at. It could never return the favor. There could never be a friendship between her and basketball. There was a chance for her and Shawn.

She didn't want to become Shawn's girlfriend or get married or anything like that. She simply wanted the companion and friend that he could be. With Shawn, there was give and take. She could never get anything from basketball. Sure she could physically keep her company, but everything she got from basketball was only a reflection of what she put into it. All of her accomplishments that she had made with this sport were a direct reflection of what she had given up to have it.
She didn't have to give anything up to have a friend in Shawn.

"When will you be back?" Laura asked calmly.

Beyonce was a little surprised by the manner in which her coach said it but she didn't question it. She was curious, but not stupid. "Sunday night. Monday afternoon if it snows."

Laura nodded. "Good. You'll be back in time to start against Duke." She shuffled some papers on her desk and continued to read over what she had been previously studying without acknowledging the look on Beyonce's face until the girl failed to move from her seat in shock. Though she didn't look up, Beyonce knew Laura was talking to her. "It's ok to have problems KNowles. If I wanted a kiss ass team I'd work at Princeton. Go away."

Beyonce did as she was told and left the office, smiling a little to herself. She wouldn't be kicked off the starting line. She would still be a major part of the team.

She gathered her things together and went to her car. Beyonce had packed her bag last night. She was planning on sleeping at Shawn's house so that they could both leave in one car to the airport. Bleek was dropping them off so they could avoid paying for parking there.

Beyonce swung her car around the corner and out of the arena parking lot. She dialed Shawn's number manually for some reason.

"Hello," he said into the phone.

"Hey it's me. "

His voice seemed to have a little more cheer after he found out who he was talking to. Or at least that's what Beyonce thought. He had been sounding deflated every since he'd gotten the news. It had almost been like talking to a robot on the telephone. Beyonce pushed the thoughts aside.

"Oh was up Bey," he stated, not really asking. Beyonce felt sincerely sorry for him. He was really close with the nice older lady.

"Nothing," she said. "I just finished talking to my coach. I'm on my way to Wal-Mart. You need something?"

Shawn sighed. "Socks. My mom's will shit when she sees the holes in the ones I been wearing."

Beyonce smiled, even chuckled a little but said nothing besides 'ok'. They hung up the phone and Beyonce went to the store and made all her other little stops. A manicure that ended in a gel French manicure. A trip to Wal-Mart. And a stop at her favorite work buddies dorm room to make sure that her Radiology paper was turned in on time. She wouldn't be able to be there for the class tomorrow night but she wanted to make sure that her paper was turned in on time. It was really important to her.

She finally made it back to her dorm and packed the rest of her things into her very special lime green suit case. She couldn't stand picking up the wrong suitcase at baggage claim. And no one had lime green like her.

The plane ride for the most part was ok. It seemed like the closer they got to Texas where Shawn was from, the sadder and more depressed he got. It was a red eye flight, meaning they flew at night. When they had settled into their seats and were given their headphones for the feature presentation, Fool's Gold, Shawn didn't even put his on. Instead he watched Beyonce pull out a book she had been reading, 'God's Gift to Women' and unbuckle her seatbelt to get more comfortable.

When Beyonce looked over and saw him trying to get comfortable she pulled her glasses down, since she packed her eye contacts away in her suitcase, and sighed. "You can get comfortable Shawn." Beyonce moved her tray and pushed her seat back a little. She turned her back to the window and put a leg up against the seats. Shawn stretched out against her, his broad shoulders making her torso disappear. His head rested just beside hers and he shifted slightly, making sure she was comfortable too.

"Relax," Beyonce said. He felt distant and tense. She was sure that it had something to do with the occasion and time. And he had every reason to not be comfortable. But Beyonce didn't like feeling like there was a wall between the two of them. She liked to believe that no matter what she and Shawn could fight through things together. If their friendship could stand all the things that had threatened it before, they could get through a tragic death right? Even with it being so close to Christmas.

Beyonce kissed his temple. He stiffened at the move. He almost jumped a little. Beyonce said nothing to explain her actions. Instead wrapped her arms tighter around him and opened her book in front of the both of them. "I know you miss her." Shawn's back flexed against her chest as he sighed his response. Nothing else was said. Not that it needed to be. Shawn closed his eyes and dozed off while Beyonce propped her book up on his chest and continued to read until she went to sleep too. There was no layover flight. They arrived in Texas hours later.