run of the mill.

28th

Beyonce entered her apartment with Jamie's car seat carefully floating in front of her. She pushed her fingers through her hair and sat the seat down tiredly. Beyonce turned on the lights and picked her child up, taking her to the bathroom to be changed and bathed for the night. She'd just been invited to a fashion show by Farrah and she kind of wanted to go. Beyonce had prepared herself to get to her lowest point and call Shawn but she decided she was going to do it later when she was close to ready.

Jamie, tired from all the motion and traveling that day immediately passed out as soon as she had a fresh diaper on her freshly cleaned behind. She lay in her crib in nothing but her diaper on her stomach, slobbering slightly. Beyonce would have never thought slobbering was cute on any other person but she found it adorable on Jamie. Beyonce made sure she was good and out and then she turned on the radio in the bathroom and sat by the tub white she shaved her legs.

She showered and wrapped herself in a towel to do her hair and makeup. Grabbing her phone off the bed, she sighed and called Shawn. She was almost finished getting ready and he was on his silly 'I can be the perfect man' kick so she was going to call him on it and ask him to babysit tonight.

"Hello," he said into the phone.

Beyonce rolled her eyes. The sound of his voice even pissed her off. "Hey, it's Beyonce."

She heard him deflate a little and she took a sick satisfaction out of it. "Oh, was up?"

"I need you to watch Jamie," she said simply. "I'm going out."

"Tonight?" he said dumbly. "Right now?"

"Yes," Beyonce said in a placid tone. "Is that a problem for you Shawn?" she asked in a sudden taunting manner. True, she wanted to go out but she would have given the entire thing up to hear Shawn say he couldn't and he was busy.

She heard him scuff. "You would think that wouldn't you?" he asked bitterly.

"Because if it is, I can stay home and-."

"I'll be there in thirty."

"Yeah, I thought so."

Click.

She smiled down at the phone in satisfaction. No doubt he was going to be pissed that she'd hung up on him yet again but it was so much fun. He'd get so upset. The fury on his face reminded her of the fury she use to show when he never came home.

Beyonce put her hair in one of the most severe looking ponytails and had just finished a flawless face when she heard the front door. Beyonce paid it no mind and continued to put on her makeup when she heard the door open.

"Hey," he said nonchalantly. Beyonce didn't bother to speak; her mouth was bent out of shape to ensure that she put her mascara on correctly. "Bey," he said. That damned name. He never called her Bey anymore. Beyonce always assumed it was because he'd forgotten it and went with what all his friends called her. Baby momma. Old lady. Woman. Inconvenience. Baggage. Shit like that.

"Hi," she said finally. She put her mascara down and checked her face again for the closest she would get to perfection just as he stepped in the bathroom doorway.

"Where you going anyway?"

"Fashion show. Why?"

"Just asking..."

Beyonce nodded and turned to him. "Move, I gotta close the door."

He stood there a second longer, staring at her with a sort of malice look in his eyes and then he finally stepped back. Beyonce refused to let her curiosity ask what was wrong with him. She shut the door and grabbed the dress she had handing on the door. It was a blue babydoll with a shiny bust and a layered, frilly skit that was really cute. She opened her bathroom door and was about to step out when Shawn stepped in front of the doorway again.

"What?" she asked when he just stood there.

"I got someone I want you to meet."

Beyonce looked at him, waiting for a smile, a gesture to show that he was joking or something. "Someone you want me to meet?" she echoed confusedly.

"Yeah," he said. "A friend of mine."

Her face was confused as she studied him, trying to figure out what he was trying to do. She'd never met any of his friends besides the guys from the football team. All these other people... these females, were considered faceless creatures. She didn't even want to know if they existed and she wasn't about to let them into her world. "Na, no I'm not cool with that."

"Beyonce, she's just a friend of mine. I told her about you and Jamie and she wanted to come over and meet you guys. She loves kids and-."

"Do I look like a fucking kid to you?"

"Look Beyonce-."

"No you look. You can take whoever you want to your house, I don't have a problem with that. But don't bring all that shit around me and Jamie."

Shawn frowned deeper. She was being childish.

"Beyonce, she's nice. She wants to meet you and I don't see why you won-."

Beyonce interrupted him loudly. "Because I don't want to. Because this is my house. Because I said so!"

Shawn threw a nervous glance over her shoulder that made Beyonce go still and close her mouth just a second. Then she glanced over his shoulder too and saw nothing but the hallway but she knew all too well what that meant. That glance was a worried glance. Like she was being too loud in her own fucking house.

"She's here isn't she?" she asked him.

Shawn looked away and dropped his head a second. Then he looked back at her. "Just meet her, that's all I ask."

"... Get the hell out. Both of you."

Beyonce stared him down, not wanting him to live in hope that she was just unsure about wanting to meet the woman instead of truly not wanting to meet her. She couldn't let him think that she would change her mind in the next few minutes because Beyonce wouldn't. He should have known that but it was kind of sad that he didn't.

Shawn looked at her a moment longer and then turned around with the most hateful look on his face. He turned swiftly and walked out of the room. Beyonce shook head and walked over to her dresser. She took out a grey long sleeve shirt and some men's boxers. She knew she wasn't anywhere anytime soon. She put on the casual clothes and hung up her dress and she was just walking out of the closet when she heard the front door slam. She glanced at Jamie's crib to make sure she was still asleep then she went and took off her makeup.

She went in the living room to turn off the radio when she spotted Shawn sitting on the couch. Beyonce turned off the radio and looked at him peculiarly. "What are you doing here?"

Shawn didn't even look at her. His mean eyes were looking at a TV like it was speaking to him. "Thought I was babysitting," he said simply.

Beyonce shook her head and walked over to the kitchen. "You can leave, I'm not going anywhere."

Beyonce heard his feet behind her almost stomping fiercely. "You just called me," he said into the kitchen while she stood on her tip-toes reaching for the Vanilla Wafers. "You just called me an hour ago and said you needed a babysitter."

Beyonce turned to him with a challenging, bored look on her face. "So?"

Shawn's hand balled into a fist as it leaned against the wall and the vain in his forehead became more pronounced. "So what the fuck?! You interrupted my life for this shit!"

"... And?"

Shawn clenched his teeth and sneered at her severely. He was upset, hurt, tired of all of her shit. She had been giving him hell for the better part of a year now. He had tried his best to be civil with her and make her forgive him but she just seemed bent on hating him forever. He loved Beyonce but he couldn't stand it anymore. He was tired of her playing this wounded animal that couldn't be mended when she was nothing of the sort.

Shawn told himself he was going to stop making a fool of himself for her is she didn't even bother to appreciate it.

"Beyonce, don't fucking play with me like I'm a child ok?" He breathed like a bull and stepped closer to her, pointing an accusing finger down at her loathingly. "Don't fucking call my phone without a purpose."

"I had a purpose," she said not backing down. "But I changed my fucking mind!"

"What you don't trust me to watch my own kid anymore?"

"I don't trust you to watch a movie anymore!"

"Fuck you Beyonce! I do everything you want! Everything and you're still a fucking bitch!"

"You do everything?" she asked, somehow backing him out of the tiny kitchen with her steps. Her eyes pierced into his and she spoke venomously. "You do everything?"

"Yes!"

"Then will you fucking leave Mr. I do everything? Will you stay the fuck away from my house?" She pointed to the door and the sarcasm and hate dripped off her words like honey, slow and with cause. "Can you do that Shawn?"

"Fuck that I pay the bills in this bitch!" Shawn yelled as he gestured to the area with a wide sweep of his hand. "I leave when I wanna fuckin' leave."

Beyonce had the nerve to smile. She grinned like an alley cat in his face and shook her head at him. And then, like clockwork, she did it. Beyonce reached into her head and found her file drawer. She opened the top and skinned a few folded pieced of paper but found nothing juicy enough. She went to the second drawer and found a tiny, neatly folded piece of paper. Beyonce closed her file drawer and unfolded her piece of paper.

Her eyes skimmed him briefly and with an uninterested huff and an unimpressed chuckle she replied. "Nigga, please. I have a job. The only reason your sorry ass is still paying my bills is because your mother begged me to let you," she said. If she had been yelling, upset about it, then Shawn wouldn't have gotten as angry as he did. But she was calm, speaking like he wasn't worth her time and looking at him like he wasn't worth her eyes. Shawn's hands clinched to fists.

Beyonce milked his anger by doing an imitation of his mother to boot. "Beyonce baby it's the least he can do. He owes you! He owes you!" She laughed and Shawn paced back and forth in the living room trying to calm himself. She was fucking pushing it and it seemed like she would. "Ain't it fucked up, you used me as a egg farm and a piece of ass," she paused and Shawn turned to look at her. He saw the hate, the regular resentment in her eyes. He could feel the animosity leaking off of her. It was so strong he could smell it over the lavender and vanilla that always coated her place. It smelled like acid or ammonia. "... And I still made you my bitch."

Shawn advanced on her, his chest touched hers, the tips of his shoes collided with her sock covered feet. "What?" he asked in a voice harsh enough to make the devil flinch. He half expected her to flinch and retreat. "What?!" he yelled pushing his forehead to hers in anger. "Say it again," he whispered for some reason. "I dare you."

Beyonce held her ground the entire way. She never retreated, not even when he pushed her with his head. She wasn't afraid of him. And she never would be. "Whatcho gon' do Shawn? Mmm, what the fuck are you gonna do?"

"Beyonce I swear to God you pushing it."

"Fuck you, push that bitch."

Shawn's hands were on her arms so fast she didn't even realize it until her back hit the wall. He held her to it hard, hurting her. Her toes barely touched the ground and her eyes still weren't completely level with his. Shawn stared at her, his breathing sounding like someone was starting a car. He didn't understand how they got like this. Not him and his Beyonce. They were perfect for each other. They had gotten along so well in the beginning. Now it was like this. He didn't understand how someone so small and... generally tiny compared to his hulking form could ever piss him off as much as she did.

His mouth smashed over hers suddenly and painfully. Beyonce tried to twist her face away from the pain but he only held her tighter, lost in the pressing kiss. Only when he opened his mouth over hers did he release pressure just long enough to force his tongue past her lips. Beyonce almost murmured a protest but she found she couldn't speak past it. Shawn's demanding tongue dueled with hers in a way that excited her past her anger. It had been so long since she'd been kissed, she almost forgot what it felt like.

She made one more half attempt to struggle against him before he pressed his body hotly against hers and demolished the want to be separated. Beyonce felt her hands clutching to the underside of his arms and her head fell to the side to better enjoy the recesses of his mouth. Feeling her willingness, Shawn loosed his grip on her arms and guided them up and around his neck. His tongue fondled hers as his hard want pressed against her stomach roughly, begging to be back where it had once been... long long ago.

When Shawn's hand went under her shirt to touch the aching breasts that pushed against his chest snuggly, it snapped Beyonce back to the present. And she wanted to forget. She wanted to not care that she was suppose to hate him for the rest of her life. She begged her mind to concentrate on the feel of his skin under her fingertips and his tongue in her mouth. She hadn't experienced that feeling in so long. She hadn't been seduced or touched intimately in almost a year. And Shawn was so good and the things he did. His hands felt so good and she wanted to feel him all over her body.

But all she could see was him with someone else. She could see his hands touching some faceless woman. His body laying with someone else. His wonderful form, sweaty and strong, stretched out on some bed with only God knows who. His infidelity. And that woman he'd brought to her house.

Beyonce tried to twist her face away from him. Her arms unwrapped and her hands pushed against his broad shoulders. She moaned a protest into his mouth and mumbled stop against his lips. She could feel angry tears prickling her eyes and she was upset that she'd let it get this far. She'd vowed to never ever let him touch her like that again. She said that she was a gift he didn't deserve. And here she was, just as stupid and wanton as she'd been in college.

Hadn't she learned her lesson? Was she really dumb enough to fall right back into the devils lap? What was she glutton for pain? She knew what his scheme was. She knew what he was playing at and she still ran right back into his arms. Hadn't he embarrassed her enough?

Yes, she thought, he has. She was no one's fool. She played that game before and she promised herself she would never let him back into her heart. He would never get the opportunity to do the things he'd done to her again. Of course he would try. He would play her just like he did before. He would use her for what she was; a fertile lovesick puppy. He would tell his friends that he had her wrapped around his finger. He would lie and make excuses for not coming home. He would ignore her for weeks at a time. He would belittle her and question her sensibility.

When Shawn attempted to deepen their kiss again, Beyonce let her anger and her tears fuel her. She used all she had to push against him. "Stop!"

Shawn stumbled back, not far but away. His dark brown eyes were ablaze with passion and his chest heaved with adrenaline. "What's the matter?" he breathed in a rusted, aroused voice.

Beyonce wanted to hold her own. She attempted to look at him but failed miserably because of the tears in her eyes. She put a hand to her face and cupped her forehead to think. Why? Her mind couldn't get past the word and her tears just kept reminding her that she was still in love with him. She was back to square one. After all he'd done to her. Stupid, stupid, he doesn't love you. He never did. What are you retarded?

"Beyonce," he said in a more controlled voice. Beyonce shook her head and tried to walk past him, avoiding his gaze by all means. She didn't want him to see her like this. This was not the woman Beyonce wanted him to see. She had built an image, a wall between him and her that was trying to fall.

Shawn's hand caught her arm and he stopped her. Beyonce fought against his grip and she felt his arms sweep her up in a hug. She was filled with the scent of his body as her face came in contact with his crisp white shirt. She felt her body wretch with her quiet sob and she felt like a fool.

"Baby," she heard him say. "Bey."

The name made her want to cry more. She shook her head against his shirt and pulled away. She moaned against his resistance and pulled harder. "No," she said pulling against the back of his shirt. "Get off," she pleaded around her tears. "Shawn stop... I don't need you."

"Baby-."

His placation and gentle hold only upset her more. "I'm not your baby," she said finally breaking free. She wiped her eyes on her shirt and sniffed. "You can go," she said after a second. "I don't need a babysitter tonight."

Beyonce again tried to evade him but Shawn touched her yet again. "Beyonce just let me talk to you." His hand held her fingers in a loose but firm grip. She struggled and shook her head, trying to get him off.

"Shawn let go," she cried as she pulled. "Get out."

"Please Beyonce, I love you. Just wait a minute."

She yanked until he felt like holding her was some form of abuse. Shawn let her hand slip from his and felt his anxiety building. He felt like this was really it. This was the last time they would ever touch each other the way they had. He felt like his chest was caving in and he was losing that special thing he had with her. She was always his Beyonce no matter what he felt like he was losing... his chance.

"Beyonce I'm sorry!" he screamed to her back. Her feet were moving fast and she was quickly headed toward her room. "I can't do this shit anymore! I love you, I swear but I can't! What the fuck do you want from me!?"

The door to her bedroom slammed and the sound of Jamie crying sounded.

"Fine!" he screamed, upset that she didn't care that he was pouring his heart out. "I don't give a fuck anymore! Fuck you! Do whatever the hell you wanna do! I tried! I don't need this shit! You think you're so fucking perfect! Like I don't know about the fat ass check you got when I got signed! Like I said anything about that! Fuck you! You got yours just like I got mine! Ungrateful bitch!"

The door to the bedroom flew open and Beyonce came marching out looking vicious. "Fuck you Shawn!" She screamed as she walked to him. Her fist unballed and she threw a crumpled piece of white paper at his feet. "There's your fucking check! I never cashed it!"

Shawn only had time to glance down at it because when he looked up, she was swinging. Her tiny fists beat at him everywhere she could reach. When he put his arms up to shield himself, she hit those too, uncaring to the damage she could have done to herself. "Stupid, selfish son of a bitch!" she mumbled as she fought. "I hate you! I hate you so fucking much!"

Beyonce swung until she was crying and hissing while she tried to breathe. When her blows lessoned because of exhaustion Shawn let his arms fall and he tried to grab her hands. "Get the hell off me!" She screamed through sobs. He'd never seen her cry like she was crying now. Her face was red from the tire and covered in sweat. Her eyes were squinted deeply and her plump bottom lip trembled.

"I gave up everything for you!" she screamed hoarsely, thrusting a finger at him accusingly. "Everything! And you fucking played me. You broke my heart you bastard!"

She pushed Shawn again and fell to the floor. She sat on her feet and put her fists to the ground in front of her. Her body rocked and her tears and sobs just continued to come. "I will never forgive you. I won't ever love you..." she looked up at him with eyes that hurt him to his very core. Beyonce's beautiful hazel orbs were the color of his, brown with hate and pain. They bore so deep he physically stepped away from her. He'd never seen her like this and the site broke his heart. "Just leave me alone Shawn," she begged, broken down to what she felt like, nothing. "Please..."