run of the mill.

16th

"Shawn!" Someone screamed from a car up the street. The west wing of the airport was ridiculously cramped. And it was dreadfully cold. Since she was born and raised in California, Beyonce was not use to the harsh colds that bit at her cheeks and made her denim feel like tissue paper. The sky was gray, a deep gray that was still partially bright because the sun was fighting so hard to make its presence known. I'm still here, it shouted. Beyonce looked to see who had called Shawn and saw some boy handing out of the window of a Chevy Equinox. She tapped Shawn's tall shoulder and pointed to the person parking the car.

Shawn smiled for the first time in a long time and they walked closer to the curb to greet him. He looked young, like really young.

"Boy I know mama ain't let you drive," Shawn said as the boy jumped from the car and ran around to hug Shawn earnestly. Beyonce had never seen a picture but she was willing to bet that this was Devin, Shawn's younger brother. And Shawn had a point, if Beyonce had calculated correctly, Devin had just turned sixteen a month and some change ago.

When the two broke their embrace Devin turned to Beyonce and rubbed his hands together. "Gifts," he said eyeing her. Beyonce was clad in a black long sleeve Ed Hardy shirt and her favorite jeans with black Punkrose shoes. "Shawn," Devin continued. "You shouldn't have."

Beyonce couldn't help but to giggle. As Devin started to walk towards her, Shawn slammed his carryon bag into his brothers chest to stop him. "I didn't. Help me get this stuff in the car. Now."

"You not gon' introduce us?" Devin said smiling at Beyonce.
Shawn looked between them. "No."

Beyonce laughed again. "I'm Beyonce," she said putting her hand out. "A friend of Shawn's."

Devin dropped the carryon and went to grab Beyonce's greeting. Shawn quickly slapped Devin's hand out of the air and grabbed the carryon from the ground. He stood straight up and gave Devin a look. "He's not acting like you're a 'friend'," Devin said bitterly as he looked at Shawn put the bags in the trunk.

Beyonce waited for Shawn to tell his brother that they were just friends. She listened for him to tell Devin that there was nothing between them and he was just too young to be interested in her. But Shawn said nothing. Instead she watched him walk back to the curb and grab her hand. Shawn didn't even look at her. He looked at Devin and pointed to the car.

Devin shook his head and walked to the car mumbling something about being stingy. Before Shawn could make his was to the car, Beyonce pulled him back by the hand that he had grabbed. "Listen,"" she said. "I was thinking that maybe your brother could drop me off at a hotel close by."

Shawn looked personally offended at her request. "What? A room for what?"

Beyonce rolled her eyes a little. "A room for me Shawn. This is a very personal time right now and I don't want to be in the way."

Shawn looked around and scratched his head. Beyonce thought he looked like he was thinking very hard about something. When he looked back at her she continued to talk. "I brought enough money for me to stay in a nice place for three nights. I'm sure there's a Holiday Inn somewhere that you can take me to."

"I didn't bring you all these damn miles for you to stay at an inn," Shawn declared stubbornly. Shawn grabbed Beyonce's hand and pulled her to the car. "Come on."

Shawn ushered Beyonce to the truck and let her slide in the back seat. Then he closed the door and sat in the front. Devin pulled into traffic and they left the airport. Beyonce yawned in the back, trying to hide how sleepy she was behind a modest hand.

The ride was sort of long but not too bad. There was trivial conversation between the two brothers about one thing or another. Beyonce only spoke on occasion or when she was spoken to. She was a shy person by nature and the only reason she had ever starting talking to Shawn was to apologize for being such a smart ass.

She was nervous about meeting his parents. Her mind kept on reminding her that the circumstances in which she was meeting his family were not the ones she wanted. And she should not be worried about how she will be seen in their eyes right now. The only thing she should be worried about it is whether not Shawn is ok the entire time she is there with him.

With that thought in mind. When they pulled up into the driveway of a quant two story house Beyonce's heart didn't flutter immediately. "Where is mama?"

Devin turned off the car and looked at him. "She don't do too much outta her room nowadays. You know her and Aunty Barbara were real close."

Shawn looked at the house and didn't say anything else. Devin got out and opened the trunk to get some bags out. Beyonce waited until Devin was walking to the house with one of her lime green bags and Shawn's laptop case before she unbuckled her seat belt. She scooted up on her seat and reached around the passenger seat on both sides and touched his chest. She could feel his melodic heartbeat underneath her hand, steadily pumping. It was a faster beat, one that expressed the anxiety he was having about going into that house and facing his family. Beyonce couldn't understand why he would be nervous about going inside.

"All those people," he said quietly. Beyonce just put her forehead against the back of the headrest and closed her eyes. "All those people are expecting me to..."

Beyonce exhaled and blinked slowly. "To be weak." She caressed his chest lovingly. "To be heartbroken."

It was hard for him, she reasoned. He understood that people expected him to be distressed because him and his aunt were really all each other had in California. And he could do that. Hell he was that. His heart was hurting just like everyone else's. But they wanted more.

They were expecting for this grown man to need more consoling. They were expecting him to be weak and inconsolable. And in a way he was. But he didn't want them to know that. Shawn was a grown ass man with responsibilities and pride. Though he was weak and distressed, he didn't want all of his family to know that. He barely showed anything to Beyonce. If all of these people wanted to be the one person to help the helpless. And he didn't want to let everyone know that he was the helpless one.

And if they didn't expect him to the weakest one, he was suppose to be the strongest one. They would figure that since he had spent so much time with her, he would either miss her most because it was a love lost. Or he would miss her least because he had gotten his greetings and goodbyes in. He couldn't be both and they would ask that of him. It was such a heavy burden to carry. They both knew that when he walked into the house, he would be the one that everyone was worried about because he was the closest to his mother's sister.

Shawn said nothing. Beyonce pushed herself against a little more so that she could be as close to him as possible. Her hands rubbed over his chest up and down. And up and down. It wasn't much but it was all that she could do from where she was at. She did wish she could do better. Beyonce wanted to let him know that she would keep his secret. She wouldn't let anyone know that he was the helpless person that he was.

Both of his hands covered hers and he held her tightly. "Don't leave me this weekend. Ever."

Beyonce nodded even though he couldn't see her. He knew she wasn't going anywhere. She didn't even have to respond.

Devin stepped out onto the porch and waved at the car. Beyonce thought that Shawn would let her go so that they could step out of the car he didn't. Shawn squeezed her hand just a little tighter just a little while longer. And then, when that melodic beat was just a little calmer, they stepped out of the car.

"Where is he? Where's my baby?" A woman asked from around the corner as the two of them entered behind Devin. Beyonce saw the tall black woman turn the corner and her hand covered her mouth. "Baby," she said.

"Mama," Shawn said sympathetically as she walked to him on the brink of tears with her arms outstretched. Shawn was so much taller than her and everyone else for that matter, he scooped her up in his strong arms and told her not to cry. "It's ok ma."

The woman looked small as she cried into Shawn's chest wholeheartedly. It was a deathly horrible silence around her tears. There were a few people standing around. A girl that looked younger than all of them. She wore a depressed look very similar to the woman clutching to Shawn with all her heart. No one seemed to notice her, which was fine because she didn't particularly know how she was going to explain who she was to all of these people. She didn't even know what she was at that point.

The older woman let go of Shawn and held his face in her hands tenderly. "You ok baby?" she asked him once she had stopped sniffling. Shawn only nodded and put his hands over hers on his face. The woman smiled. "I'm glad you're home."

"Hi," someone said in Beyonce's direction. It was the young Tiny. "Who are you?" she asked politely.

Beyonce waved a little. "I'm I-I'm.."

"This is my Beyonce," Shawn said looking back at her. "Well not my Beyonce but my friend Beyonce."

There was an awkward silence and then the sound of footsteps on the stairs. "Corey," someone said in a voice so deep it scared Beyonce and she didn't even know him. They all looked up at the man descending down the stars. Beyonce had never heard Shawn referred to by his middle name. It was just odd to hear it come from anyone. She supposed it was the man that made the name so authoritative. Beyonce guessed that it was his father.

Shawn stepped aside and met the man at the bottom of the stairs and they embraced in a hug. It was one of those manly hugs that only guys did and understood the relevance of. "It's good to see you dad," Shawn spoke into the man's chest. He was slightly taller so Shawn was made to be a child even in front of the man that raised him which, in a way, somehow humbled him in Beyonce's eyes. "Dad," Shawn said when he was let go. He took a few stepped back and grabbed Beyonce's hand. "This is Beyonce from school. She knew Aunty Barbara from..." His voice faltered. He cast his eyes elsewhere.

Beyonce stepped up a little more and took Shawn's hand with a death grip that mimicked his own. "I knew her from church." Beyonce shook his hand. He had a firm handshake with callous hands similar to his sons. Hands with a story, Beyonce remarked in her head. "I," she felt herself becoming saddened as thought Shawn was taking her positive energy and giving her his own miserable feelings. It was what she was here for though, so she said nothing. Beyonce simply sucked up the lump in her throat. "I'm so sorry about your loss," she said hoping someone, any of them, could hear what she said. It was so quiet when it leaked from her mouth.

"Thank you," he said. Shawn had once told her the odds and ends about his family so she knew that his father's name was Jacob.

"Thank you," Shawn's mother replied sincerely. "Tiny help her move her bags to the guest bedroom. The twins will just have to sleep in the basement."

The girl stepped forward and grabbed Beyonce's carryon bag. "Beyonce right?" she said as she started walking towards the stairs. "Tiny would be me. But my real names Destiny."

Beyonce cast a glance as Shawn and found him following Devin into the kitchen. His eyes weren't in her direction and she didn't know if that meant he was ok or he was just preoccupied. She shook her head and pulled her bag up the stairs.

"This is our guest bedroom. Momma's got two beds cause when the twins come to town, they usually crash here." Tiny sat her bag on the bed and then watched Beyonce heave her bag into the bed also.

"The twins?" Beyonce wondered.

Tiny smiled. "Timothy and Thomas. Their momma's second and third. She had five all together. I'm the youngest," she stated the last comment proudly. "They're not here yet. Momma's kinda mad but she'll be alright once they show up. Taye will be here later too."

Beyonce sat on the bed. "And Taye is the oldest?"

Tiny nodded. "You got it. Shawn is the middle child." Tiny looked over her shoulder into the hallway and went to sit on the bed with Beyonce. "You not his girlfriend are you?"

Beyonce shook her head. "We're good friends." Beyonce sort of wondered why she approached the question like she did but she chose to say nothing since she was a guest in this house and it was just a question. Besides, she had a younger sibling so she knew exactly what it was like for someone to be all in her business.

"So you really did know Aunt B hunh?"

Beyonce nodded. "Yeah, she was nice. I'm going to miss her at Sunday service."

Tiny nodded and said nothing for a while. Then she stood up and clapped. "Well. The bathrooms across the hall and there's linen in the closet just inside if you want to get cleaned up or something. Mama's making gumbo from scratch so you might wanna come down soon. Especially before the twins get here."

Tiny smirked when Beyonce laughed and walked out, closing the door behind her. Beyonce looked around the nice room and stood up. She turned to her bag and unzipped the larger one. Beyonce grabbed her fluffy pink house shoes. She turned and sat down to slip off her shoes. She replaced her shoes and pulled her hair from the ponytail and reached through her bag and brushed her hair. Beyonce opened her door and marched down the stairs quietly, her tiny feet not making too much noise. She touched the bottom of the stairs and turned the corner where all the noise was coming from.

"Ma how come he got more than me?" she heard Devin asking as she entered the room. She smiled at the image of him trying to extend his neck to get a look into Shawn's bowl of food.

Debra, Shawn's mother, turned to look at him. "He does not have more than you. It's the same amount. Three spoonfuls for everybody."

Devin sucked his teeth. "Don't look like it."

"What?" Debra said turning around and eyeing him comically.

Devin shoved his head down into his bowl and replied a meek nothing. Tiny and Shawn shared a laugh.

Shawn looked up and noticed her. "You hungry ba- Beyonce?"

Beyonce's features contorted to confusion at the odd slip up on his part. Yet she didn't comment on it. Instead she nodded and grabbed his outstretched hand. She took the seat next to him and sipped the tall glass of water there. "Here's a plate baby," Debra said bringing the plate from the island.

Beyonce smiled sincerely. "Thank you Ms. Debra."

Debra smiled. "Baby anybody younger than Taye calls me momma in this house."

Beyonce grinned a little wider. "Yes, ma'am."

Debra made her own plate and sat at the head of the table. "Such nice manners. Where did you meet her Shawn?"

Beyonce stuffed her spoonful of delicious gumbo into her mouth and avoided the question like that plague. Thank goodness it wasn't directed at her.

"She-," Shawn started miserably. "She's a student at school with me."

'She plays basketball with my girlfriend.'

'What was that ma? Why didn't I bring her? Because I had sex with Beyonce and found that I liked it more than I did with Kim... my girlfriend.'

'Why? Well Beyonce seems more into it. Erotic. Kim wasn't. And momma, you know how I like my woman erotic.'

The conversation could have easily become desperately awkward.

Later that evening Taye arrived and burst into the guest bedroom on Beyonce expecting to find his younger brothers. Luckily she was fully clothed and simply talking on the phone to T. She hadn't called her father yet and she was dreading the situation.

Instead she finished her call with her roommate just in time to get a knock on the door. It was Shawn. Beyonce only looked up to greet him as he closed the bedroom door behind himself. He was carrying two mugs in his hands very carefully.

"Hey," he greeted as he sat down next to her. Beyonce touched his thigh. "Hot cocoa my mom made. She makes some every night." Shawn sat the mugs on the night stand beside them.

"I love hot cocoa. I haven't had any since I went to college... You good?"

She felt him nod once his head came down softly on her shoulder. "I like your family."

"Yeah their nice."

"I wish I had a big family. It's just me and Shelby."

"That's all you need."

"I wanted more."

"Well you got me and mine, so you're good."

"..."

"..."

Beyonce was touched. She linked her fingers in his and held his hand dearly. His head continued to rest on her shoulder until Tiny called Shawn from the room. Beyonce checked her watch and figured it was time to get ready for bed. She sipped her hot cocoa and smiled at how sweet it was. It tasted like something her mother would make. Beyonce fished through her bag for her big men's silk night shirt that she slept in. It came down about mid thigh. She pulled her robe from underneath the other clothes in her bag and began to get undressed.

It was about ten when she went downstairs to return her mug to the kitchen. She heard sniffles coming from what she learned was the family room. Beyonce peaked around the corner carefully. Shawn was hold his mother tightly in his strong embrace while she cried. Taye stood at the fireplace and Tiny and Devin were on the loveseat holding hands. There were two new people. Two very tall new people. They were standing behind the couch touching Debra's shoulders lovingly. Beyonce guessed they were the twins. They still had jackets on so Beyonce guessed that it was their arrival that had sparked the tears from poor Debra.

Beyonce touched her chest at the sad sat vision. She put her cup in the sink as quietly as she could and then walked to the other set of stairs in the kitchen. She walked down the hall and looked around the rooms for Shawn's. It was easy to find since it had a ring of police tape around it and his name in huge letters. She quietly walked to it, tying her robe strings slightly tighter and stepping inside. The scent of Shawn hit her almost immediately.

It was just like him and so different from him in so many ways. It was very simple, similar to his tastes. Yet everything she thought that he might have had or needed growing up was in that room. His dresser was clean besides personal hygiene products and small things like his wallet and watch.

Beyonce looked over the room and settled onto the bed to wait for him. When the clock next to the bed read a time thirty minutes later than when she last looked at it before, Beyonce pulled her knees to her chest and hugged her legs. She was more than prepared to wait for him. And when her head hit the plush pillow behind her, she simply told herself that she was going to rest her eyelids. She was very tired from the flight and if she just laid down her body wouldn't be so damn... fatigued.

That was all she was doing, resting her eyelids.

Until she fell asleep.

Shawn opened his door and stepped halfway inside before he noticed her. He had been by her room just a second ago and when he knocked quietly and received no answer he assumed it was because she didn't feel like dealing with him or she was asleep.

She moaned ever so quietly and opened her eyes. Shawn stepped inside and closed the door as Beyonce sat up and wiped her eyes a little. She stood and met him at the foot of the bed. "Hey," she said simply.

Shawn didn't even reply. He might have if he hadn't been able to touch her but because she was so close and so willing and so needed he snatched her into his arms and held her there with a grip that no doubt hurt her. She kept quiet though, not voicing any peep and the uncomfortable feeling of pain in her lower back as he held on to her. Instead Beyonce desperately clung to his back, thinking that if she let him go he would melt onto the floor like an ice cube.

"Oh Shawn," she said sympathetically. Her small hands rubbed his back sweetly and she held him dearly. "S' okay."

Shawn let go just enough to relieve some of her silent pain and to push his forehead against hers. Beyonce watched him close his eyes tightly. She rubbed his back harder and tried to suck all of that sadness from him but she was no kryptonite of pain. She knew all she could do was be there right then for him. No matter how much she wanted to do or be that was her only choice. She didn't have very many options.
Shawn sighed into her face.

"S' okay Shawn."

Shawn opened his eyes and looked over her features tenderly. Since Shawn was so tall and she was so short she had to bend her head back as far as she could to meet her forehead with his. Shawn put his hand into her hair and touched her scalp with his fingertips. She looked into his deep brown orbs trying to figure out what he did before he did it. But her mind offered her no guesses. Well of course, there were none that were close to what actually happened.

Shawn held her head steady while he kissed her lips delicately. She was so surprised she didn't even pucker her lips or kiss back. The strangest thing about the kiss, aside from the fact that it was completely inappropriate, was that his eyes bore into her the entire time. He never blinked or closed his eyes or even glanced away. He looked at her with those same starving for placation, tired, sad eyes.

Shawn pecked her lips again and again until she responded. She barely grabbed his bottom lip between hers as an answer to his approach. Her hand sizzled just a little to touch him and only made it to his chest before it spread over his breast plate and stayed put. His hands however, had plenty to do. They both dug into her hair and held her head steady for his kiss. He pushed his tongue into her surprised mouth and her response was to suckle on it. She didn't remember the last time they'd kissed because she had been drunk but if it was anything like this, she knew exactly how things had gotten so carried away and how they ended up in the predicament that they were in.

Shawn kissed with his whole self. She wasn't sure if it had anything to do with the pain he was feeling right then or if that was just the nature of his lips. The nature of his kiss. But whatever the case, Beyonce was in love with it. She felt her eyes fall closed against her will and she was spellbound in an instant. Her mind swam as though she was high as his lips pressed onto hers and his fingertips rubbed her scalp. She felt his heart seeping into her mouth with every thrust of his tongue as he let his emotions be erased and Beyonce was glad she could do that for him. He was starting to feel better against her.

Shawn pushed his forehead against hers and pecked her lips one last time in his equally dazed state. His eyes had closed long ago and he simply enjoyed the taste of her mouth. He didn't even realize he was missing it until he tasted it again. Beyonce tasted like everything naturally good. He was almost certain that he was actually thrusting his tongue into some sort of delicious fruit instead of a woman.

He felt her tiny hands grab his wrists and hang from his limbs.

Beyonce opened her eyes and when she saw him looking back with just a little less sadness than he had previously walked in with, she felt better. She smiled timidly. "You should get some sleep."

Shawn nodded and took the tiniest step back to look at his bed. He looked back at Beyonce and let his hand reach up and touch her cheek. "Will you stay?"

Beyonce looked back at his bed and then at him once again. It was completely rude to sleep in the same bed with him when his mother had been kind enough to let her sleep in the house with her family. The hospitality was immense and she shouldn't overstep her boundaries like that. But the look in Shawn's poor eyes made hr reconsider. It's only rude, Beyonce thought as she tried to placate herself and accept Shawn's invitation, if you get caught.

So she nodded her head and told him that she would stay.

Shawn reached over and flicked the light off. Beyonce felt him moving in front of her and so she assumed he was simply getting ready for bed. And he was. Shawn pulled his shirt over his head and left his plaid night pants on. He never slept with a shirt and it was a little chilly in the house that night so he didn't sleep in his boxers. Beyonce too prepared herself for bed. She let her robe slide off her shoulders and she threw it on the floor in the dark. She brushed her hair over one shoulder and then took steps backwards until the back of her legs hit the bed. Beyonce sat down and climbed backwards. She shimmied underneath the covers and shivered at how cold they were with the feel of body heat on them.

The bed moved a little after that and Shawn climbed in too. Beyonce reached out to him as soon as he was close enough to her. She snuggled close and wrapped her arm and a leg over him. Her ear was pressed soundly against his chest and she listened to the rustle of the sheets and his steady heartbeat until the air system in the house automatically came on. Shawn's arm was thrown over hers and he bent his knee between her legs, pulling her even closer to him.

And before Beyonce fell asleep, she wondered just what the hell she had gotten herself into. Was she really lying this intimately with Shawn? Did she really want this? Did it matter? No, Beyonce answered her own question. It didn't matter what she wanted or needed right then. Shawn was in need and if this was the way that she could console him and make him feel better than this is what she would do. She could wait until they got back to campus to start drilling him on is 'intentions' or whatever speech she was required to give. This wasn't really her forte. For now she would just be at his beckon call like he had asked of her because if she didn't want to be, she shouldn't have come.
And with that thought in her mind, she went to sleep.


Beyonce woke up with the light. She winced and tried to open her eyes but immediately closed them again because of the early hour and the gust of air that blew into them. She wondered what it was and when it happened again she realized that she was lying in Shawn's face and he was breathing through his nose.

Beyonce pulled her head back and opened her eyes. She sat up a little and looked around the room for a clock. The nightstand's digital clock read 6:52 am. Beyonce sat up and Shawn's limp arm fell to her lap and she looked to see if he had woken up. When his eyes remained closed and his breathing was still the same she sipped out of bed as easily as she could and grabbed her robe up off the floor. Beyonce opened his door and closed it behind herself as she tiptoed down the hall to the guest bedroom.

She went to the bathroom and washed her face and brushed her teeth quietly. When she couldn't go back to sleep, Beyonce used the time to catch up on a few dismal assignments that she hadn't started on. Her final exam was fast approaching and she was feeling confident about all of them. When her brain got bored with the text books, she closed them and looked around. She barely burned an hour.

Sighing she sat up and went to the suitcase at the foot of her bed. She pulled out some pink lounge pants and a shirt along with all her personals. Beyonce marched across the hall and into the bathroom. She showered and dressed in her day clothes and then exited.

There was commotion downstairs so after she brushed through her hair and found some socks to put on, she opened her door and walked downstairs.

Debra, or mama, was in the kitchen already. She had just pulled a large skillet from under the cabinet when she spotted Beyonce. She smiled warmly, "mornin'."

The greeting was very casual. Beyonce responded with a simple good morning and took a seat at the island. "Do you need some help?"