Boys

Chapter 3. Lying Smile

The following day I had rolled out of my bed and begrudgingly pulled the Iwatobi uniform on. I glanced into my full length mirror glaring at the brown skirt that brushed against my mid-thighs. It was so degrading to be put into a short skirt and tight grey vest when in reality I should have been wearing a male uniform. Brown pants a white button up and a black blazer. That was the perfect uniform for me not this. -Why is a boys uniform so much to fucking ask for?!- I screamed to myself. I growled once more and shook my head trying to rid the darkness from my mind as I grabbed my bag and ran out the front door. A few steps down my porch steps a loud gasp escaped my lungs when I slammed into someone's broad chest.

"Oph! I'm so sorry..." I muttered rubbing my head.

"No the fault is mine Natalie-Senpai," the male muttered.

I looked up into concerned purple orbs, "Oh! Ryugazaki-Kun!"

"Are you alright Senpai?" he asked offering me a hand.

I took the outstretched limb and pulled myself up smiling at the blunette softly. "Yes I'm alright Ryugazaki-Kun..."

He smiled back at me and released my hand once I was balanced allowing me to dust myself off. He watched for a moment before clearing his throat and checking his watch with an annoyed grunt.

"Natalie-Senpai? We should get going," he insisted leading me towards the large gates of Iwatobi High.

"Natalie!"

I jumped slightly and looked up smiling at the sight of my blonde haired friend waving frantically at me and running over to meet with Rei and I. Nicole was just slightly taller than I was with perfect pale skin, and long blonde hair cascading down her back in light colored waves. To put it in other terms... Nikki was the most gorgeous female I knew in the whole school and to add insult to injury the uniform looked really hot on her.

"Hey there Nikki."

"Natalie did you tell him yet?"

"No..."

"You need to tell him while you still have that faltering courage."

"I can't... I'm his sweet baby girl..."

"But you aren't happy!"

I sighed knowing that Nikki was right... I wasn't happy as Natalie Young. I was happy as Nathan Young, but I couldn't bring myself to tell the only man left in my life. To my dad I am his sweet little girl with the pretty auburn hair and the perfect curved body. I looked away from Nicole and saw the confusion in Rei's eyes silently asking if everything was alright. Of course nothing was alright, but how could I tell the boy what was wrong with me? He'd just push me away and treat me like a mutant freak. After all society didn't understand what it was like to have Gender Dysphoria... Everyone saw a cute little girl when deep down I knew I was a male. I frowned deeply looking away from him feeling salty tears sting my eyes. -Why is this so hard?- I asked myself hugging Nikki and sobbing brokenly into her shoulder. -I'm so tired of pretending, but I'm not ready to tell my dad... Or anyone! They need Natalie Young... The beautiful little girl, but I want to be Nathan... A handsome young man that everyone can except.- I thought arguing with myself. I was so busy in my head and listening to Nikki's coos that neither one of us had noticed the pairs of feet walking towards us at a brisk pace.

"Young-Chan?"

"Why are you crying Nat-Chan?"

"Please stop crying Natalie..."

I looked up from Nikki's shoulder at the schools new swim club. Nagisa and Makoto were frowning with deep concern watching me slowly break and Haruka, despite his usual monotone front, looked ready to kill the loser that made me cry. I pulled away from Nikki as quickly as I could and smiled up at the boys feigning my happiness. After all, I didn't want them to worry so much about me especially when Nationals were just around the corner.

"Oh gosh! I'm so sorry to worry you boys like this. It's just that I saw something super hilarious online last night so I showed it to Nikki when I found her and clearly I'm the only one who thought it was funny," I lied casually.

"It's good to hear that you were only crying from joy, because a beautiful girl like you shouldn't ever be sad."

I looked up at the voice's owner and felt a twinge of pain in my heart hearing the should be compliment replay in my head over and over. -Beautiful girl? Is it really that hard to see a guy when he's right in front of you?!- I asked. I took a deep breath to try and calm my nerves and smiled up at the friendly giant knowing that he wasn't the one at fault. He was honestly just trying to make me feel better and once my eyes met with his emerald ones I was more than happy once again. Who wouldn't become all grins and giggles? He and Haruka Nanase were the hottest boys in the entire school, while Nikki and I were the sexiest girls in Iwatobi... At least so the rumors were said. To be honest, I wouldn't deny that Nikki was the sexiest girl in the school, but me? Well if it wasn't clear before I'm not a woman. I'm a male and I know I am. I feel it. So I can't be one of the sexiest girls if I wasn't even a damned girl!

"Hello? Earth to Natalie..."

"What?" I asked looking towards Nikki from my daze.

"I was just saying that we should all start getting to class! We'll see you guys later tonight!"

"Wait you girls are going to Samezuka?" Makoto asked confused.

"Yea! Sousuke asked if I would come and then told me to bring Natalie so she could pester Rin," Nikki explained.

"More like Nikki invited herself and Sousuke asked me to come keep Nicole in check."

"Details details! The point is we will be attending your joint practice tonight. We can't wait to see you guys there!"

"I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but we really do need to get to class now," I cut in.

Nikki pouted and waved to the group as I dragged her away. I glanced over my shoulder at them offering them a still handed wave forcing a bright smile onto my cheeks to reinforce the idea that I was okay to the four swimmers. Hell... Even my smile was a lie...