You Make My Dreams

Prologue

"Are you coming later?"

Lumingon ako kay Shanine at natigil sa pag-aayos ng gamit ko.

Ngumuso ako at nag-isip saglit kung sasama ba ako. It's not that I don't want to come. Ang kaso lang ay medyo nahihiya ako na sumama.

Shanine is my senior here at work. Mabait naman siya kaso lang ay iyon nga, because she's my senior ay nahihiya ako na sumama sa kanya.

"Sumama ka na, huh?" Pamimilit niya. "Kasama ko rin ang boyfriend ko mamaya. He's with his friends, too. Malay mo, doon mo na makilala ang the one mo." Humagikgik siya at mas lalo lang nadepina ang singkit niyang mata.

Nahihiya lang akong ngumiti. Just so this could be finally over ay pumayag na lang rin ako at sinabi ko na sasama ako.

Shanine and I agreed to meet a this certain place. Sabi niya ay iyong kaibigan ng boyfriend niya ang may-ari. Bago lang daw kaya hindi ganoon ka-crowded ang lugar.

I just went home to take a bath and change my clothes too dahil mamayang 8PM pa naman ang kitaan.

I sighed as soon as I went out of the bathroom. My room feels cold especially because I just got out of the shower.

I stare at myself in the mirror and I can't help but to remember this particular person. The thought of him still makes my heart ache a bit.

How long has it been? 3 years?

Ganoon na pero bakit ganito pa rin ang epekto?

I thought after a few years, it will feel better. Pero ilang taon na pero ganoon pa rin. Mas tumitindi lang ang sakit kapag mas natititigan ko ang sarili ko sa salamin.

Though I don't feel going out ay nagbihis na rin ako. It's better this way, kaysa ang magmukmok lang ako dito. I should be enjoying too, katulad ng mga pinsan ko.

I just wore a simple dress. It's red color made my skin color stand-out more. Nag-apply rin ako ng light make up at medyo kinulot ko lang ang dulo ng buhok ko.

Shanine said it's just a simple dinner so I just wore the simplest outfit I have in my closet.

At 7:30 PM, nakareceieve na ako ng text kay Shanine. She told me they're already on the way there. She also included the restaurant's address para ma-type ko raw sa waze ko.

I'm surprised that it's not that far from my condo. But just to avoid any hassle ay dinala ko na lang din ang sasakyan ko. Hindi rin naman kasi ako ganoon ka-kumportable na mag taxi or grab because I've had bad experiences before noong ganoon pa ang mode of transportation ko.

I arrived at the place at exactly 8:15PM. Medyo nahiya pa nga dahil nandoon na sila Shanine at iyong ibang kasama pa namin sa loob.

I can't help but to feel nervous while walking towards the entrance. Ngayon na lang kasi ako ulit lalabas kasama ang kaibigan. For the past years, nag-focus talaga ako sa trabaho at iniwasan muna ang kahit na anong tingin ko ay makakasira sa focus ko. I am not complaining, though. Kasi dahil din sa ginawa ko ay mabilis kong naabot ang gusto kong posisyon sa kumpanya, and what makes me more proud is that I didn't need anyone's help in doing that.

Pagkapasok sa loob ay nakita ko agad si Shanine na nakaupo na nga sa isang table. Hindi ko napansin iyong ibang kasama niya dahil bigla niya akong kinawayan at agad siyang tumayo para salubungin ako.

"Finally!" Sabi niya. "Akala ko ay hindi mo ako sisiputin."

Ngumiti ako at medyo nakalma dahil may isang kakilala na akong nakita.

"Halika, ipapakilala na kita!" Excited niyang sinabi at hinila na ako sa table.

I smiled at the guys on their table pero agad na napunta ang tingin ko doon sa dalawang nasa harapan ko.

"This is my boyfriend," pakilala ni Shanine at itinuro iyong tinitignan ko. "Ron, and then that's his twin brother. Si Robbyn."

Parang kumalabog agad sa puso ko habang tinitignan sila Ron at Robbyn doon na mukhang gulat na gulat rin na nakikita ako sa harapan nila ngayon.

There's a lump on my throat and there's a certain person's name on my mind. Pero pilit kong inaalis iyon sa isip ko.

It's impossible that he's here.. The last time I heard ay nasa ibang bansa siya. He won't be here.. I know..

Pero nasira ang lahat ng iniisip ko noong may isa pang itinuro si Shanine. Before I could even stopped myself ay tuluyan na akong napatingin sa itinuturo niya.

And my jaw almost fell when our eyes met.

Parang tambol na dumadagungdong ang puso ko habang pinagmamasdan ko si Jaco na tinititigan ako pabalik. And then there's a slight pain on my chest when he suddenly broke the eye-contact, he then looked anywhere but me.

I saw how his jaw clenched. Pero hindi ko na nasundan ulit ang sumunod na nangyari dahil pinaupo na ako ni Shanine sa kung sw-swertehin ay sa tabi ni Jaco pa.

I didn't know how I'll be able to survive that encounter. After three years ay ngayon ko na lang ulit siya nakita. The last time I saw him was the day I broke up with him and God knows how I still remember what he looked like that day. I know how that day broke him and God knows how it broke me too.

Because three years later, that day is still haunting me. That Jaco's face covered in tears, kneeling and begging me not to leave him is always in my dreams. And I don't think it will ever go away.

Later that night, nasa daan pa lang ako ay bumubuhos na ang luha ko. I didn't even know how I managed to look okay in front of all of them. Ni hindi ko alam kung paano ko napigil ang umiyak gayong naglalakad pa lang ako palabas ng restaurant ay nag-uunahan na sa pagpatak ang mga luha ko.

Isn't it cruel how after years of trying to forget about him, bigla na lang siya ulit magpapakita sa harapan ko?

But do I even have any right to get mad and get hurt when I am the one who made this all happen?

Ako lang. It's all on me. I am at fault for my own failures and pain. Because I had him once but I choose to walk away and break him.

And it's not his fault if he's already moved on from that.

It's not his fault. It's mine. It's all mine.

But why does it have to be this painful?

Ang sabi nila, time heals all wounds.

Pero bakit ganito?

Hindi pa rin ba sapat ang tatlong taon para gamutin ang sakit?

Dahil bakit tatlong taon na ang nakalipas pero ni hindi manlang nawala ang katotohanan na hanggang ngayon, mahal na mahal ko pa rin siya?

That the reason I can't even look at myself in the mirror is that it's always him that I see.

Because three years ago, he owned me. He owned all of me.