Depressive Chaos

Chapter 3

Louis's POV
~dream~

Harry was kissing up my neck. "This will be the last time we can see each other." he whispered. "Haha, very funny."

He mumbled along my neck something I couldn't understand. "You aren't serious are you?" he stood up, his eyes looking more fierce, "Yes.... yes I'm serious." Harry's voice was so low it sounded like a growl, it was the most cynical sound I had ever heard come from the boy's mouth.

He made me flinch at the sudden harshness in his voice. "I'm not a faggot anymore...unlike you." A lump appeared in my throat, I knew this lump, followed by my throat burning, I was going to cry. "But you just..." "I DON'T CARE WHAT I JUST DID! THE FACT IS THAT WE CAN'T BE TOGETHER!!!"

I felt the tears well up, "You said you loved me.." "Well I don't!" he furrowed his brows.

"Goodbye." he grabbed a bag that I hadn't even noticed was there and walked out. He stopped at the door, "I used to love you." he slammed to door with a tear.

~end of dream~

I sprung up with sweat on my face.. it was noon.

I frowned as I remembered my dream. It was a deja vu dream. I stood and walked to the bathroom mirror, I opened a window as a gust of cold wind poured in.

I pulled my shirt off and turned on the shower. Steam was rising as water came out of the shower head. I pulled the rest of my clothes off and got in.

The hot water stung, but felt good at the same time. I sat down and closed my eyes. Flashes appeared.

~flashback~

Harry was looking at me on stage. I knew this look. Lust. He smiled and I felt my heart drop into my stomach because I wanted to kiss him right there. We were wrapping up the show so I couldn't be more excited to go backstage with him.
The boys didn't know about us, they didn't know that we had been seeing each other. Harry and I kind of liked it this way, the excited feeling of sneaking around was enough to drive us mad. All of us boys went back to the lounge backstage and had some laughs and grabbed water and then went to our rooms to change. I walk into mine and take my shirt off, the adrenaline from the show was still pumping through my body. A minute passes and I hear a small tapping on my door and I smile ear to ear. It's him, I know it is. I open the door and Harry quickly barges in and shuts the door behind him. He presses the lock and then he looks at me.
Hungry eyes. I watched him as his eyes devour my body. He sits on the couch and gestures for me to sit on his lap. I cheekily walk over to him and straddle him, grabbing a fist full of his hair, I kiss him so intensely. I kiss him like I was starving and he was my cure, and he kisses me back. He grinds his hips upward, rubbing his member against mine and I throw my head back and groan from this feeling-

~end of flash back~

At this point I am fully touching myself and I'm hating myself for thinking about him during this. I finally come and instantly regret it because I know I'll be angry at myself for this later.

Soon there will be another concert. I stood up and turned the water off. I looked in the mirror. Now I was gonna have to do what Simon ordered. I took the piercings out of my lips. I grabbed the bottle of hair dye. I put it in my hair, the familiar scent filling my nose. I set the timer and sat down.

Beautiful pictures of Harry filled my mind. His laugh, his twinkling eyes. My eyes filled with tears. I could feel my heart sting at the just thought of his name.

I lounged on the couch and plugged my headphones into my laptop. I put on some music and went to Twitter. The first thing I see on my timeline is a picture of Harry and Clarissa. I'm so tired of feeling like this I feel pathetic, I need to forget Harry, it's not healthy. But how am I gonna forget someone that I literally work with and spend so much time on the road with? I heard beeping.. probably the timer I took my headphones out and headed to the bathroom and turned the timer off.

I stuck my head in the sink and ran my fingers through my hair as I reached for a towel. I started drying my hair and I felt arms wrapped aroung my waist. I jumped up in gear and turned around to see Harry. I felt like I was going to throw up.