Depressive Chaos

Chapter 4

Okay here is another!! :*

Harry's POV

What am I doing? If Clarissa finds out about this she will do everything she can to ruin my life. I just don't want to be away from Louis. I miss his smell and his warmth and his sweet melodic laugh.

Louis is looking at me and his face has gone completely pale, I forgot he scares easy. I should probably say something.. he's waiting for me to say something. I open my mouth to try to speak and he stops me. "Leave." He says weakly, like he doesn't want me to but he knows that's the right thing to say. He does have every right to still be angry with me, I just wish that I could fix everything, I want to go back and time and make it all better.

"Listen Louis.." I begin to choke up because I don't know what I could possibly say to make it better, I don't know how to tell him everything when I wouldn't even know where to start. I swallow and take a deep breath, tears welling in my eyes. Louis looks up at me and I know that he is too tired and upset to listen to me, I can see it in his eyes. I see something else in his beautiful eyes though, I see sadness. The kind of deep sadness that only someone who has felt tragedy knows what this looks like.

I just take him into my arms and hold him. He doesn't move, his arms still at his sides and it feels like he isn't even breathing. I'm not breathing either I just feel his small body against mine, I can feel his hip bones jabbing at me and it's like someone grabbed my heart and squeezed it as hard as they can. Louis pulls away now, "Please leave." His voice cracks and I know the sound, that sound that gives me the feeling I feel when I see a lost child or a stray dog. I just want to help him, I want to carry him to bed, the bed we once called ours and hold him until he falls asleep. To feel loved and to be loved. But I let go of him reluctantly.
Lou's beautiful blue eyes are glassy, as if he had already been crying. There's so much I need to say but I need to respect him, I'll wait until he's ready to hear me and when I figure out what to do about my Clarissa situation.

..........

Leaving Louis was harder than it had ever been. I feel like if I could just pour my heart out of my chest he would see it, he would see the way I've been feeling and how I never wanted any of this, and I know it's my fault.
I start getting a call and when I see the caller id I want to fucking scream. I answer it anyways,
"Clarissa."
"Hey thereee," she says teasingly, "I've got dinner at a public restaurant later so dress nicely! We know there will be photographers."
Clenching my teeth I answer, "I really need just some time to myself tonight, does it have to be tonight?"
"Don't forget what I have Harold. Just be at the address I send you at 8 or it will be bad for you."
I just hang up. She knows I'll be there, she know my crippling fear of what she's capable of and it makes me want to change my name and run away. It makes me feel like I'm a feral cat backed into a corner. If Louis was here he would know exactly what to say, how to make me feel better.. the only reason that I was so harsh to him was because I needed to make sure he would be safe. Safe from her, but Louis never leaves my mind and I can't stay away from him so what is the point? I was being impulsive and now I can't stand myself.

Sorry for my Chapters being so short! I didn't mean to. Question. Are my Chapter rushing into things too fast??