The Darkest Bliss

My might my only weakness

Hello Diary,
I haven't talked to you in a while, my apology. I was busy with my reading and had no time to write. Matt is busy kissing ass and I'm busy forgiving him.

Yours stupidly,
Ziara, the loner.

I always thought about Love being the strongest feeling that inhale and exhale Happiness. But I wasn't aware of the bottled up demons that is ready to split up and enjoy destroying you.
I grew up and made very few friends, Melan my other half, Beneton my gaming dude, Rusk the counsellor, Grace the icon, Matt - my lover my everything.
It was Sunday morning, i was at the top of the roof, yes, day dreaming. Until my phone beeped.
"Love I'm going out, Will be back late. Take care" message from my boyfriend who does nothing more than take cares though he is quite good on bed.
*dialling Matt Love*
*waiting*
"Call me back. I miss you. " I write.
Yes this is me Ziara Williams. Who does one stupid thing all the time: forgiving the unforgivable.
I was lost in thoughts when my phone beeped again but this time from Mel.
"We need to talk Zia"
"Come over, not empty handed*smirking smiley* "I reply.
In just five minutes she is here. Wow I always appreciated her for her punctuality which I suck at.
"What Did you bring? " I demanded.
She gave me a pitying look "well I bought less sandwich and sausage as I figured that you will eat less today after hearing what I'm about to tell you"
*Laughs *
"Biaaatcchhh no compromise with food. Okay tell me what? "
"Your boyfriend "
"My boyfriend is Matt and I love him" I hit back.
Okay well yes, I'm a very private person. I don't discuss my relationship with anyone and I don't complain. And even through the worst sight of Matt, I've been his support for which he owes me a lot, a hell lot. But this caught me disturbed. I knew he had made a fool of himself again and it is another story of his secret hangouts.
I pray not.
"Zia he is throwing a party at Hotel Zombawe inn. Everyone is invited but you and your friends. But with exception of one person who is seeming to be the reason of the lights lit out" she finished.
"Grace Tamara? Is it? " my mouth went dry even as I speak her name.
"Yes Grace Tamara"

Grace Tamara is my friend, my cousin, daughter of the head Director of my college, an icon, beauty Godess. She had boys following her like lost puppies in the streets. She had everything, money, fame, status but with no brains and no heart.
I loved her and hated her for mainly two reasons.
Love her because she happens to be my first paternal cousin, also because she is fun to be with. Hate her because she is highly - Yes stressing *highly* beautiful. And she had no interest on any other guy but Matt. MAtt my boyfriend who happens to enjoy the attention all the more.
As predicted I did not finish my first sandwich and left the sausage untouched.

Underestimating my conscience again, i hoped that this be like any other haters gossip. But "snap out of it" yes to myself.
So I decided on calling Matt for the fact that won't be fact, for the truth that will be built of lies.

*dialing Matt Love*
On second ring he answers.
"Hello"
"Hello Love" I say from this end.
"So it's not even half day passed and you're missing me this bad" I could literally imagine that smirk on his face ATM.
"I miss you" cursing myself for giving in to his charm all the more.
I finally asked "any plans today? You were supposed to go somewhere? Can I come along? "
"Woahhh honey slow down, I'll be there at your bed by nine " he jokes.
Which wasn't funny but I managed a giggle. God yes, he is my weakness.
"Matt I'm serious" this time sounding more serious and demanding.
"I wish I could take you along but Love this is strictly business. Dads colleagues will be there too, and in between I can't handle the beauty that wishes to tag along"
Lie and more lies. I wanted to reply "your dad's colleagues at Hotel Zombawe inn with that slut" but look what I replied.
"I love you, will be waiting for your call"
An ass I am.
"Okay love later, bye" he hangs up.

Sulk my head on my pillow, helping myself feel more duller and lonelier than ever.
How I wish I had mom to talk to, tell her how Matt is just another of my dad. And maybe that is the reason why I keep trying even when I have million and more reasons to give up.

I'm alright mom, i whisper.