The Darkest Bliss

Chapter Six

"Good Morning Heart" he said as he sat close to me on my bedside.
"Matt" I said almost in a shout. Shocked at seeing him early morning or rather late morning as I realised I was already too late for class.
"You still sleep so beautifully" he said as he put his hand on my hair, making me feel rather uneasy. I realised then things have changed so much.
"Why are you here? I mean shouldn't you be at college? And Adele, how is she? " I questioned one after another.
'Oh dear you won't change. Won't you?"he said as he continued to talk.
'I heard of your mom. I'm sorry for your loss. I figured you might want some company so I drove off here so yes My holiday today in the name of the morning Goddess" he smiled as he finished.
"Thanks. Move now I have to clean myself up" I said unable to take in more of his charm. As I stood to walk away he pulled my arms. Losing my balance I dropped on his lap, he gave a sheepish smile and gripped my waist, giving away little tickles with his thumb like he always did.
"Stop that Matt. I have things to do" I said as I put in a lazy force to move away.
He pulled me even closer indicating it was okay to waste time.
"If I hadn't woken you up you would still be sleeping so don't tell me you have things to do" he said.
"Fine. Now what? Do I rott here in your lap like this?" I said as I settled in his embrace more comfortably than a second back.
"I missed you Zia. No one could replace you. I was taking you for granted because I had you. I love you." He said sounding like he was really meaning it.
He was a champ in words and no doubt his super sugar coated tongue. The next thing I did will shoot you. Yes It shot me too.

We were kissing so furiously as though we had been waiting for this epic morning. Maybe it was meant to be the way it is. Maybe I could never replace him. Or maybe it was just another making out on my bed with no feeling, no emotional attachment at all with a charming guy. He was touching me, kissing me and that time I was reacting, cooperating like I have no f****** manners. Maybe it was a morning hormones kicking in.

I pushed him away so suddenly. It did caught him offguard. I then realised we were almost second to naked. I got myself curled up inside my blanket and asked Matt to leave me alone.
"What is it thats bothering you Zia? Isn't this what you always wanted? "

I wanted your love, your attention and your time. I wanted commitment and all our promises fulfilled. What do you think I wanted? Early morning sex with a man who just got hard because a girl was sitting close on his lap. Or what? I was with you for five years for this fucked up relationship.
I said neither of those.
"Please Matt. I am not ready for this." I finally say. After my thoughts reached the borders of India.
He leaves shutting the door so hard behind him.

I was rude; but not as rude as I should have been. I was a woman not a girl whom anyone could sleep with. I was brought up difficult and so I am.
I was not gonna let my weakness be my weakness all though my life.

I picked up my phone and wrote a message for Mel.

^good morning. Lunch? My treat. Where do we go? Uhmm havana diners? Great. Pick me up in twenty mins. See ya. "
I searched for her name and sent it to Rusk. Well yeah I am unpredictable.
"Sure. I'm on my way."
"Oh I forgot. GoodMorning too heart. I Love you. " my heart felt warmer, calmer as I read those words.

I wore a white plain tee and a denim short.
Tied my hair in ponytail, trying to look as simple as I could.

I heard his car honking for my butt on them seat.
I rushed down and waved my maid goodbye for some hours and barged in his car. Excited like little kids heading for a family picnic. I saw that real genuine smile once again.

It was a tiring day. I was out talking, eating and walking. After Rusk had dropped me off late evening, i stumbled in my room and denied on turning on my lights. I preferred dark.

I could see Images of my mom laying dead in the hospital bed. How fast have I recovered from heartbreak? Or I haven't recovered at all. It was like pain had forgotten to leave my side. Like as though it had imprinted on me even before I was born. It was like an identity attached dearly to my name ^Ziara Claire Pain Williams^ or just "Ziara Pain".
Even my name seemed to confuse me now.
Pain was my new happy. I was in love with it, i was enchanted. It was happiness in being the hurt magnet. My story of myself was the Darkest bliss, one that I was writing without myself controlling my activities.

"If I had known what my tomorrow looked like then maybe I'd wake up, and take the other way round. But I was only unsure of today; tomorrow was another long story unwritten. "- writer