The Darkest Bliss

Chapter Three

'His absence felt like a loss of breath. His presence the painful merriment'- Writer.

I called Matt, desperate to know how he's been doing. In vain.
He seemed Like a stranger, like as though we never crossed paths, like something that always held us closer had died so suddenly.

"Have you read the notice yet? " Beneton ask.
"No. Anything interesting?  Bud" I ask.
"Yes for me, though it may not really interest you"
"Field trip? Is it?" I frown
"Yes Miss. Field trip it is"

I never liked outings. Till my tenth grade I lived a very private life. I would talk to mom from outside her room. And I could meet her just twice a Day, morning and evening meals when Jesta went to serve her.
I had a rough childhood, my mom was very vulnerable and that is how she became a prisoner of Self. I made new friends when mom shifted to grandma's.

"I'm not going" I tell Ben
"Why not? We all go and we all stick together"
"Ben I'll go ahead, you find Mel for me please." I tell him as I rush from within to find Matt. My field trip depended on his decision.

"Matt, can we talk? " I ask immediately as I see him approaching the front door of the hallway.
"Hi Zia. How you doing? "
"Fine. Are you going for the field trip? " I asked.
"Ofcourse. Adele is the guide General. You don't know right?  We are going to DownHill alley, Adele's ancestor place." He explained as he smiled. I never saw that kind of smile ever before in past five years.

I tried to forget that I talked with Matt. It was horrific, the thought itself made me sick. I wasn't the one anymore, i did not matter to him anymore. It was time to decide, a new Beginning without dust of the past.

"I'll drive you home" a familiar  voice says.
"Grace hey" I greet.
"I see you didn't bring your car"
"Oh yea I took PBus. For  a change"I tell her.
"I see so many things happening around us. I know how you feel" she consoles.
Did she really know how I felt. No. I didn't feel anything she thought I felt. It was something else. Much painful and depressing than any other.

After a long drive I reached home, i wave her goodbye. As I entered my house I stopped to gaze at the photo frames hanging at the drawing room. We had family right?  Where did it fly? Why did it leave me here? So many questions I had but with noone to answer me.
If only I had a normal life,  a happy small family and a committed relationship with Matt.

"Light is just material in my life, it shines one time and then it's darkness all over again. It is where I belonged, i was used to the night rather than the days"- Writer.

I took a shower, put on my sleep suit and sat on the floor facing to the nicely framed photo of my Mom.

Dear Diary,
Seven years have passed without a word from Father, five years have passed without a word from Mother. I want to know if I am an orphan, or an abandoned, or a child who is left in a boarding school. I cry myself to sleep every night. I don't miss them, i just miss being happy. How am I the cause of my mother's pain? How am I the root of a broken family? If Father had married Mother for a child-me. Why didn't daddy ever call to say hi?  Do they think of me like I think of them? And do they write about me like I write about them?  Will I ever have them together in this place called my home sweet home.
Will my prayers ever be answered?

The lonely,
Ziara Claire Williams.

I was losing the fight, hatred have started to work effectively on me. I was losing strength to love my Mom. Or Matt or anyone.  I was becoming cold. I pray that I do not become like mother. Never.

Coffee date tomorrow- Rusk
Hahaha- me
I take that as yes- Rusk
Okay-me
I'm smiling- Rusk
Goodnight Xoxo- me
Hello I'm not sleeping- Rusk
Hello- Rusk
Okay Goodnight heart, you'll be my sun tomorrow- Rusk.
I smiled even though I am afraid I'll never be as bright as the sun.

I chose a yellow dress, yes Rusk loved yellow and I was doing it for him. He picked me up at 8:00, early yes, but he loved extra time with me. That is what separated him from Matt. I'm not comparing, oh well yes I'm comparing.

"You look wow. Do you see my mouth, it won't close" over acts Rusk.
"Your mouth won't close unless you stop talking" I tell him.
"Where are we going"
"Somewhere where we can be alone" he said smiling.

It was serene, it felt as though the world had disappeared, just the sound of birds chirping, and winds blowing in patterns.

"Did you know this place is still half discovered, people don't know it exists" he says as he take my hand to help me pass the little bridge above the blue stream.
"I figured. It's heavenly. Its beautiful."
We sat under a tree which Rusk said is a Tree of tears.
Many people shed lonely tears under this Mother tree. It had a unique feature, alive and it felt as tough part of my mother's soul was there somewhere around this place.

"Did you know there is a secret hideaway here"
"Really? Show me" I insist
"Close your eyes" I does as asked.
I felt a warm grip on my waist, until his lips touch mine and he kissed me passionately. I pull away as I understood he was the hiding place. He was my hideaway.
"Rusk I don't wanna know" I tell him looking away.
"Dont let it consume you " he finally says.

Thankyou to all the Readers and voters.
Your anticipation help me find words.
LOVE to all.