The Darkest Bliss

Chapter Five

Phone rings.
"Miss Ziara Claire Williams" calls a male voice.
"Yes that's me. Who am I speaking to? " I ask.
My heart pounding as furious as it could. Maybe I realised it was something that may mend me or break me. I knew it was about my family, one I never had even if I had. That was family name, who could it be?.
"This is Dr. Andrew Cullin speaking from Faith Hospital, Render street, Brit"
"Yes Doc, have something happened to mom? Is she fine? " I ask impatiently.
"Sorry to report but you have to come immediately, breathing her last in your presence is her only wish. " he replied with so much bluntness in his voice.
I dropped my phone unable to retain my senses. It was as though my little space have just collided with a bigger space and my world fell down in shred pieces. I was only starting to forget her and I will have to start all over again.

I took my car keys and drove off as fast as I could. I cried as I passed each alley. I didn't want to believe it, i wished it to be another nightmare but no the ache in my chest brought me right back to reality. I drove for 45 mins until I finally reached the hospital.

"Cabin 222" the receptionist told me.
I took the elevator, hoping I would reach there faster. In just two to three blinks I reached.
/ROOM 222/

"Mom" I barged in.
I saw her pale face, thin body lying there motionless. She had lost her charm in these five years. Her jaws were visible and her eyes were closed. Shut tight. I sat there beside her as I put my hands on hers. It was cold, no movement, nothing.
She was gone, yes once again, yet this time I felt my chest bursting, my body shivering.
"So you're gone again before saying goodbye" I said.
"Baby come." Grandma tries to console me.
I got rid of her grip. Grandma gives the rest of the spectators a commanding nod and everyone leaves, giving me my time and space with mom, my dead Mom.
"Everyday Mom, everyday since 7 years back, from the day dad left, i had only but had you in my mind. If only you'd talk to me, tell me why you hated me so much. Didn't you notice that I never have had a crystal clear eyes, nor a light soul. Why mom why? "
I question her cold solid body. I knew I had no hope for any answers yet I kept questioning.
"Mom I have grown so big now that I am enough of a woman to start hating a woman like you. But you are a coward, you always have had the habit of leaving without fighting."
I knew she couldn't hear me...

It was always a dream to have my mom by my side but not this way. I cried till my body ran dry of tears. I was hurt, once again lonely. She was nothing but an unrequited love of mine. I was nobody but a victim of her failed marriage.

"Baby come to grandma, come here" she calls as she pass by the corridor.
I followed her taking robotic steps.
"Here girl. Your mama left it for you to read. She had nothing to keep for you. She haven't died of sickness my child but of guilt. " grandma speaks as she wipe her wrinkled cheek with a red plain scarf.
I took the letter in grief and with much hesitation. Was I ready to do this? Yes I was.
It read...

My Strong Baby,
Oh I missed you. As you read this I feel a sense of satisfaction, part of me have repaired. Maybe I'll go to heaven.
Did you know why I named you Ziara? Well, in kabana Zi means First and Ara means Angel.
Yes my Love you are the first angel I saw palpable in my arms.
I am sorry that I couldn't be more of a human to you and I lost the fight the time I shut you out of my life. I never hated you nor did I hated your father. I promised him I wouldn't give you my love or cares, he was afraid he'd lose you.
But then you see you dad never came to see either of us. Do you know why? His wife is sick, she is paralysed, her body hard as stone. Now you know what compulsion each one of us had.
I know you are a fighter. And I want you to re unite with your father who had always missed you. Don't let him die of guilt just like I did.
He had loved each one of us so much that he forgot to live for himself. He knew both of us would survive alone, maybe that is why he left us on our own. Not out of will but of compulsion.
I know it is hard for you to understand and I realised it is too late to show you and tell you what I always have wished to. But this is not the end.
It is only a beginning of your newer journey, an adventure, a quest for yet another gem-your daddy.

Consider this as my first and last favour from you. Darling forgive your father before forgiving this woman.
I Have loved you with everything that remained of me after your father left.
I Love you even now as I write this.
I hope you reach me before I fail to recognise anything of this world.

Your Love,
Mom.

"Nothing is of value until you lose it. You cannot unlove people nor can you un-hate them. It's just a harsh process of time."

It was painful to read my mother's last words but more painful was that of my hatred suddenly converting into something else before I realised I was nothing but an omen to all the people around me. People were dying because of me.
I was the unrequited fortune, love; the darkest bliss.