Nyctophilia||Malum AU

30

2 years later

***

I pull my jacket tighter around myself, the cold nipping at my skin as I walk through the wind and light rain from the library.
It's my first semester in college.
I'm neither passing nor failing, I'm just floating on by and doing my thing.
Kind of like I did in high school.
As I walk across campus, I chew on my lip and think about what could have been.
If I had succeeded in killing myself, I wouldn't be at college right now. If only Mali hadn't come home and found me comatose on my bathroom floor, I'd probably be happier now.
Everyone was cautious around me for the first few weeks after my "attempt". They wouldn't let me out of their sight, I wasn't allowed around sharp objects, my bedroom door was taken off of its hinges, I was driven everywhere and I had counselling twice a week.
After a month, they went back to uncaring and ignorant.
It's now 2 years after and I practically ran from that household.
I moved half way across the country and enrolled in college.
Now I'm just ignored by classmates and do my own thing.
"Ouch, shit," I groan as I collide with the wet pavement, the rain scattering across my face as I blink up at the cloudy grey sky, "fuck."
"Shit, I'm sorry, are you ok?" A panicked voice rings through the quiet air, a hand grabbing mine and pulling me up to my full height as I rub the back of my head.
"Yeah, just a bit bumped. Nothing to worry about, I should have been watching where I was going," I explained, rubbing my eyes to dry them so that I can look at the person I collided with.
"No, it was my - Calum?" The person asks in surprise and awe, my eyes widening as I see the person in front of me.
His hair is no longer red.
It's black, like the night sky we both enjoyed so much.
"Michael?"
"Hey."
After a minute, I raise a fist and punch him hard in his chest. Dick.
"Ow, what the hell?"
"You left me," I grit out, feeling warm tears mingle with the rain water on my face, and his face falls as he looks at the ground in guilt.
"I had to, Calum, you don't understand."
"You could have made me understand, instead you ran and ignored me. You left me to die," I whisper out the last bit, and he stares up at me in shock.
"W-what?" He stutters and I chew my lip, wiping my eyes of tears and trying to step around me, but he halts me and pulls me to a stop next to him, "don't walk away from me."
I sob quietly to myself, feeling my blood thicken like cement and weigh me to the ground so that I can't move.
This is the boy I slowly fell in love with 2 years ago, and he's standing in front of me and every emotion came hurtling back at me like a freight train.
"Tell me why you left," I softly demand, staring at the scenery and not making eye contact. If I did, I don't know what I would do.
"It's...difficult, Calum."
"No, it's easy, you're just being difficult. Tell me, Michael. I deserve to know."
"Can we at least go somewhere-"
"No."
I look at him, his green eyes glassy with emotion and he's clearly hurting. Now he knows how I've felt everyday for over 2 years.
"Remember how I used to sit on the roof all night?"
"How could I forget?" I chuckle lightly, rubbing at my eyes once again. I hate being so emotional.
"Right," he smiles sadly, taking a deep breath to calm himself before continuing, "I used to go up there to escape."
I slowly nod, waiting for him to carry on.
"My parents, they um...they didn't exactly welcome me in my house."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm gay. My parents are homophobic," he quietly explains, crossing his arms over his chest and becoming just as vulnerable as the last time I saw him.
"Oh."
"Yeah," he looks uncomfortable, like he really didn't want to talk about this, but surely it's worse than that for the way he ignored me for so long.
"There's more. I know it."
"I was...god, Calum, I really don't want to say this out loud," he gasps, tears filling his eyes and I instinctively stepped towards him to cradle his face in my hands.
"Hey, don't cry, it's ok. You're safe here. No one can do anything."
He nods quickly, wiping his tears and I softly smile at him. After so long, I can finally touch him. I'm no longer on the roof across the road.
"I've missed you," he smiles, one pulling on to my own lips in reaction, and I say it back to him, "I'm sorry I left you. I remember the day I shut you out and never went back on to the roof like it was yesterday and I regret it. My dad - he, erm, he hurt me that day. Badly. That's why I was in so much pain. My mum used to watch and stay silent, she never helped because he would just turn on her. I don't hate her for it though, she had to think of herself-"
"She should have thought of her son!" I growl and he flinches under my hands, so I gently stroke his upper arms to calm him, "sorry."
"It's fine," he shrugs, tears falling harder as he looks anywhere but at me, "I was going through a lot of stuff and I didn't want to burden you. I'm sorry. I freaked and didn't want to trust you, even though I had clear feelings for you. I just couldn't go there, you know?"
I nod anxiously. I had not expected this. If anything, I honestly thought he died. I'm glad he never did, even though he has to live with this for the rest of his life.
"There's more to it, but I'm not delving into it right now. But I think you owe me an explanation."
He stares at me in hope, wanting to hear what I have to say, but I just stare back in confusion.
"You said I left you to die. What did you mean by that? Please tell me it was just emotionally," he pleads and I cringe at the desperation.
"I wish I could tell you that, but I would be lying. I thought about it for a long time, Michael. Long before you came into my life and for a long time afterwards, the only time I didn't was when you used to sing on the roof or talk to me. You distracted me from the negativity in life, and I thank you for that."
He smiles at me, tears still wetting his cheeks and I smile back at him.
God, I've missed his smile.
"Want to come and watch the moon with me?"
"Please," I whisper, feeling his fingers intertwine with my own as he pulls me along with him through the empty campus.
It's late. It's dark out and it's exactly the kind of moment I love to be in, with the boy I'm in love with.
"You know, I'm jealous of the moon," I carefully say, sitting myself down on the brick walked edge of the roof, feet dangling in the air and I look at Michael as he stares at the sky.
"Why?" He glances at me in confusion, back at the moon, then fixes his gaze back on me.
"Because she knows all of your 5am secrets."
"And that's why Nyctophilia is both a disaster and a beauty. The moon is your best friend, but the loneliness is always there waiting for you," he gently remarks, me nodding in understanding, "one day, you'll be the one to know all of my secrets."

A/N
And it's over :(
Hope you enjoyed it or felt some kind of emotion for it.
Thank you.