INSTABILITY | M.C | COMPLETE

012

There's a little bit of action (emotional) at the end <3

Michael woke up at 11am. He had a hard time falling asleep. He did regret being so harsh on Avery, he did have a long night. Seeing all of Avery's problems made him think about his own. He wanted to help her, but how could he if he couldn't even help himself.

He left the warmth of his bed and went straight towards the bathroom to take a shower. He couldn't wait to just get out and apologize. She had enough problems on her own. She didn't need to deal with his shit. He quickly got out, dried himself out and put on clothes. He look at himself in the mirror and practiced his apology smile before heading out. He left his room and imagine his surprise.

She wasn't there. He looked over at the kitchen counter and looked at a piece of paper.

Thank you for letting me stay. I didn't want to be a burden, call me if you ever need anything - A

Michael furrowed his eyebrows. It sounded an awful lot like a goodbye. He debated in his head if going after her, calling or texting would be a good idea.

It wasn't. Maybe it was better this way. She made him want to open up to her. Almost like she was someone he could trust and he hated that. It was the same thing with Luke. Something about being with any of them made him want to spill his guts out.

He prepared himself breakfast and grabbed his bags before heading off to school. With graduation a block away, he had been really focused on his studies. He couldn't obviously depend on his parents. He needed a college, any college willing to accept him. Make something out of himself.

He was getting books out of his locker when someone tapped his shoulder.

"Hey." Michael had no reason to turn around, because he knew it was Luke. "Mom's said to invite you over to dineer. She misses you." No response. "Just, come over at 6 if you're gonna want to." Luke sighed and left when he got no response.

Luke was so lucky, he had a family a real genuine family. Not many people were so lucky these days.

The bell rung and after several classes and a solitude filled lunch, it was time for Michael to go to another kind of solitude at home.

He had seen Avery around. She had been with a few friends throughout the day but each time Michael tried to meet her gaze was a fail. Or she just looked away.

It hurt him in some sense. But it was okay. He was used to rejection.

At his new home, he took out a canvass but wasn't inspired enough to draw, or paint a thing. He felt numb. So he decided to go back into old habits and took out his old journal

June-19th-2016

Sometimes I wonder what everything would be like if she hadn't passed away. Would mom and dad be happyy? Would I be less of a fuck up? Would I be feeling this way at all if she was here?

I can't help but thinking she's the only person who every kept me sane. That with her, everything was better. She was a sunshine we all needed in our life's. She was sent here to save us and losing her only bought us despair.

Am I being too philosophical? Does any of this make any sense at all? I can almost hear her sometimes. I haven't said that to Dr. Robins. I don't think I'm ready to. I lost her. And I only have so many memories. Sometimes I consider my dreams more of a blessing. It does make me miss her more but at the same time I feel closer to her. Closer to her than i have been in a long time.

Is that what death will be like? Being close to her? Talking to her again? Is there really a heaven?

And most importantly, am I willing to risk it all for what if's?