The Killers - Part 2

chapter 9

Tamarah POV

 “why did you do that?”

Freddie asked questionably, standing away from me in the corner of the room, staring at me. What, was he scared of me now because of what i had just done, i can never do anything right, it had just slipped, i didn’t mean to go mental, it just took over me, seeing her with him like they were, i didn’t know, it was a reflex in a way.

How the hell am i going to explain what had just happened when i didn’t know myself, my mind was thinking about various things, frantically switching from one thing to another, all this thinking was killing my head, i tried comprehending anything that flickered into my mind but it was too difficult to even grasp one of the things that came to my mind, i was being washed over with a million different emotions.

“I... I dunno... it just came over me, i didn’t know what i was doing, i don’t know what came over me, i wasn’t thinking”

I blurted out, not really knowing what i was saying, it just came out as i pleased without censorship, without any thought at all, not being pulled back and thought about just finding their way out of my mouth without me knowing.

“your right about not thinking”

He said, staring at the floor, not making any eye contact with me. I was shaking like mad, i didn’t know what to do, i began to cry, stupid hormones, coming and going as they pleased, changing erratically.

“i just didn’t know what was happening, i don’t want to lose you, to be left alone to raise a child on my own... it’s a thing constantly on my mind, that you’re going to leave me alone...  why don’t you just say it to my face, im going to be the worst mother ever because i can’t control my bloody emotions”

I blurted out, Freddie’s head snapped up to look at me, but i couldn’t see anything past my tears welling up in my eyes and streaming down my face like there was no tomorrow. I buried my face into a nearby pillow, I’m a complete idiot. I felt the couch sink as someone sat next to me, but i knew who it was, I wasn’t bothered to lift my head to see his face, i am a fool and a failure to everyone especially him.

“I’ve told you a million times, never ever would i leave you, you’re the love of my life, and nothing can replace you”

He told me.

“To be honest i don’t fancy Kyrie, I’ve never really liked blondes”

He whispered into my ear, i couldn’t help but laugh.  I pulled my face from the pillow looking up at him; he pulled me close to him, rubbing my back. I wiped my tear stained face with the palm of my hand, he stroked my hair with his free hand, i didn’t understand his fascination with my hair, its horrible, thick and long, maybe ill dye it soon.

“now...”

He said, turning my head so i was facing him, he took both my hands in his, adjusting his own posture so he was facing me also.

“who told you that i thought you are going to be the worst mother ever?”

He asked, trying to keep his own cool. His eye brows furrowing as he looked at me, he must have took a great amount of offense when i said that, i have never seen him behave in this way ever, never throughout our relationship has he ever been so stern in what he said.

“no one, its a vibe i get sometimes, im... im just so scared... what if i don’t turn out to best there can be”

I said, mumbling the words as best as i could so he didn’t know how stupid i was acting about the situation, but it’s true, you don’t exactly get a handbook on this type of stuff, you can get a book on the average pregnancy and be warned about the things may happen but that about all.

“well, to be serious, id think you to be mental if you weren’t scared, i am too, i don’t know how to act, how does a father act, i have no clue, i can only be me and that’s all... and that’s really all you can do to and adjust to the situation, choosing between right and wrong, being the best you can possibly be is the best anyone can ask for... there is no such thing as being the best because no one knows what is specified in being the best.”

Freddie said, that was the longest speech i have ever heard him say. I looked up at him, he was crying, a grown man like him, crying...  i wiped his tears away, it was so strange to see him cry, he smirked at me. 

I began to laugh, i couldn’t help myself, the feeling within me was hilarious. Freddie looked at me, his head tilted to one side, absolutely confused about why i was laughing, which only made me laugh more than necessary.

“whats so funny”

He asked, getting somewhat annoyed as if he wasn’t being let in on a joke. The baby was moving around like there was no tomorrow within me. I grabbed Freddie’s wrists and laid his hands on my bulging stomach, it kinda annoys me that im only going to get bigger in size.

He looked from my stomach to me and back to my stomach, bewildered by the feeling, if he thought that was weird, try being the one that felt it all the time. Suddenly something bashed against the inside of my stomach, Fred instantly pulled his hands away, looking at my stomach, his jaw dropped, it was a hilarious sight.

“what the hell was that?”

He asked, i couldn’t help resist laughing more, his reaction was amusing, his face covered with shock, unsure of what had just happened, as if it were something bad, i wouldn’t doubt if he started somewhat talking to my stomach.

“it was only the baby kicking”

I reassured him, his face became more relaxed, no more fearing what had just happened, so he laid his hands back down, gingerly on my stomach, carefully, now aware of every little movement, waiting for anything sudden. I was kicked again, but this time his hands remained where the were, his eyes bulging out of their sockets.

“that... that is our child kicking.... kicking you like some punching bag?”

He said, exclaiming louder than usual. Its kicks weren’t that bad, yeah they were getting slightly stronger, but i can withstand them, its nothing.  I nodded my head frantically with excitement, everyday something new was happening, it was just too much to comprehend.

“its been doing this for a while, though today its alot stronger than what it was yesterday”

I told him. He had his back arched and his head hovering over my stomach, then his head suddenly snapped up to look at me, he only just comprehending what i had just said, shock being able to be read by the expressions of his face.

“this has been going on for what you say a while and you haven’t bothered to tell me”

He said, pouting his lip, and crossing his arms across his chest, highly disappointed by what i had just said. I never would have thought he would act like this over something like being kicked.

“i didn’t think youd really care, and anyway, it hasn’t been strong enough to feel on the outside.”

I told him, his expressions were just getting funnier and funnier, each time suddenly changing,  i couldn’t resist laughing, he joined in aswell, though how serious the subject may be for him. He took my head in his hands and kissed me.

“of course id bloody care, its my child aswell, and i love you... i love you both”