It's Always Been You

Chapter Five

We pull back into the fire house and all I want to do is hug my kids. I'm sweaty and tired, but what I need is to hold them tightly. I need to know that they are alright.

As soon as we come to a stop, I hop out. Throwing my gear off, I set it down and walk as fast as I can inside.

The tension in my body relaxes when I see my kids on the couch eating Popsicles. My dad is sitting at the table behind them reading the newspaper.

"Hey guys." I croak.

Emily jumps up, Popsicle in hand, and runs to me. "Mommy, you're okay!" She squeals as I pick her up in my arms. I give her a kiss on the cheek. "You're stinky!" She laughs and plugs her nose with her free hand.

"Alright. I'll go shower." I chuckle and set Emily back down on the ground.

Scotty is too engulfed in cartoons and his Popsicle to say anything, so I let him be.

I walk over to my dad next and put my hand on his shoulder. "Thanks again for coming today. It means a lot."

"Sure thing, kiddo." He says as he smiles up at me. "We're gonna get going though. Don't want to distract you too much."

"Okay." I sigh. My dad stands up slowly and I give him a hug.

"God damn, Chanel!" He laughs. "Emily was right. You smell terrible."

"Thanks so much, Dad." I pat his back. "I'll see you guys tomorrow."

"Goodbye, sweetie." He grins widely and let's go of me.

I walk back to the locker room and grab a fresh change of clothes and shower supplies. Throwing a towel over my shoulder, I walk to the shower area and get into a cubical. I strip down then get in the shower. The water is nice and relaxing, but my mind keeps wondering about that little girl from our last call. It's been awhile since I've had to carry a dead kid out of a fire. It still shakes my faith every time.

After I wash off and get my hair washed, I turn off the water, wrap myself in a towel and step out.

"So that's why you wear long sleeves." The blonde paramedic says to me as she peaks out from around the corner.

Her voice makes me jump, but I calm myself right away. "Yeah." I sigh as I look at my ugly self in the mirror. My burn scars extending down my right side.

"Well, just so you know," she speaks as she sits up on the sink next to me. "You can wear short sleeves around here. They might stare at first, but just because they'll be surprised. That's all. You shouldn't have to sweat to death. It's like 80 degrees out."

"Thanks..." I say awkwardly as I splash some water on my face.

Shay jumps down off the sink. "I'm just saying. That's all." She smiles a small smile at me then walks out.

I sigh deeply as I stare in the mirror. My hair is dripping wet from the shower, my face bare with no makeup anymore. I decide that's where to start. I pull out my eyeliner and rim my eyes with the "very black" liquid tip.

"Hey," Kelly's voice comes from the direction that Shay took off in.

I look over at him, eyeliner up to my eye. "Hey." I say acknowledging him then go back to doing my makeup.

"Umm.. how are you doing?" He leans against the half wall against the sink. "After that call, you seemed pretty shaken up."

"I'm fine." I insist, annoyed a little by his assumptions. Even though he's right it's still annoying.

He doesn't stop looking at me. "Are we still on for that drink after shift?"

"Of course." I huff a laugh. "I can meet you where ever tomorrow night at 7 or 8. If that's okay with you?" I can't help it when I sneak a peak at him. He's dressed in a fresh change of clothes. A grey CFD t-shirt and dark blue uniform pants.

"It's a date." He agrees with a huge grin. "You've grown up, a lot."

"How so?" I ask, challenging his words.

He crosses his arms and stifles a laugh. "The fact that I didn't even recognize you when you came in for shift today. The Chanel I knew when I was 13 is a lot different then the Chanel I know now."

"You don't even know this Chanel." I grunt, thinking about how much has changed since I was 12.

"Well I'd like to." He says then disappears back to where he came from.

The phrase makes me think for a moment. Think about how different Kelly is now too. He would never have been that forward with me. Then again, we were just teen kids back then. Everything is different now. We're in the same position our dads were in twenty years ago.

I finally finish my makeup and pull my hair back in a pony tail. I change quickly into my fresh set of clothes, hoping no one comes in now. Thankfully, no one does and I'm able to get changed with no one seeing me.

I walk out of the locker room after I put all of my stuff back in my locker. After I enter the common room, I see Kelly and Shay sitting at a table talking. Ottis, Herrmann, Dawson and Cruz are at the long table eating lunch and bullshitting.

I decide to sit down next to Shay and Kelly. I feel awkward at the table with more people because I don't know any of them well enough yet. I know that I should be trying to make friends but after that last call, I just want to sit and think. I believe I won't be bothered as much sitting here.

"Hey, Westermore." Shay nods at me as I pull a seat out and get in it.

I nod back at her. "Hey." I look between her and Kelly. They're sitting so close together and my stomach knots immediately. They're together. It's so obvious.

I can't even explain the disappointment that wells up inside of me. Kelly isn't mine, not even close, but I'd be lying if I would say that I wasn't nervous and giddy around him. God, it's like I'm back to being 12 and in love with him again.

"So Kelly told me that we're all meeting up for drinks tomorrow night." Shay smiles at me warmly. Bringing a hand up under her chin, she rests her head on it.

I lean back and smile too. "Yeah," I let out a small laugh. "I didn't realize we were all going."

"Oh.." Shay brings her hand down on the table. "It's just what we all usually do after shift. Welcome to the club." She says then stands up. "I better go do some inventory." She looks down at Kelly and they share a smile. "I'll see ya around."

"Okay." I agree then watch Shay walk out. I look back at Kelly as soon as she's out of sight and whisper, "I didn't know you have a girlfriend!"

He tilts his head at me. "What?" He chuckles.

"Isn't Shay your girlfriend?"

He throws his head back then leans in closer to me. "She's a lesbian." He chuckles, his eyes bright while they look into mine.