Life of a Couch Potato

Episode 2: If I were Death

So today I was going grocery shopping with my cousins (10 of them to be exact). The first thing I want to let you all know is that here, where I live, it's helvete.* It's so freaking hot, I can almost promise you that you can fry an egg on the sidewalk faster than you frying an egg on your own stove... and that says a lot.

Anyways, we entered into the supermarket, and my little cousins being... well my little cousins, began to do their usual routine when we're at the supermarket: beg. Everywhere you go, you'd hear, "A.C! Can we buy this?" "A.C! Can I have this?" And if you just happen to say no... it's those damn puppy dog eyes.

After probably 10 minutes of rejections, they began to calm down a bit... until we went to the poultry section. So because I would like to say I'm a fully mature child... ok I'm not. But anyways, so in the poultry section, I'm sure y'all know of the huge machines they have to cut up meat behind the counter? Yup, those huge razor blades that could technically cut off limbs if you wanted to? Well usually when we're there, no one uses those machines... until today.

And I hate to say it, but those things are LOUD. And since all of my cousins are in elementary school... let's say they were kind of freaked out... most of them at least. The youngest started crying because he thought they were literally murdering the animal in front of him (as high as he could see anyways), and began attracting unwanted attention... and what did I do?

I decided to be realistic...which wasn't the best tactic. I literally said, "Look Caleb, it's not alive... it's already dead." And of course, hearing that it was already dead, he started crying more until another one of my cousins said, "Yeah A.C. killed it. Remember? He was the Grim Reaper on Halloween!"

And at that point he decided to stop crying. He just looked up at me with those puppy dog eyes, "Did you really kill him?" And before I could even say no, everyone said yes... and ironically that made him stop crying and just watch the butcher guy cut up some more meat.

...

Yeah. I'm not much of a baby sitter, but in a way I am because I just take the blame for everything. *sighs* I'm kind of worried for my youngest cousin... I hope he won't become an insane person like me who decides to ruin people's childhood and annoy them half to death... Still, I don't know if I should be concerned that my youngest cousin stopped crying when my other cousins said I was the one who killed the animal (whatever it was)...

But to be fairly honest, if I truly was death, I could most likely promise that no one in the world would ever die again. Why? Because I would be too lazy to get up, grab my scythe, and actually teleport there. I'm a couch potato, what can you do about it? Then again... bribe me with some expensive food and I might reconsider...

*Helvete: Swedish for 'hell'