What color am I now?

Lost at sea

I am disgusting scatter of words waiting to be seen

Waiting for someone to find my isolated heart

Yearning for attention I am nothing

I am diverted , to the point of not existing

No one can understand even if they looked

Intoxicating smile , I am told I have a bright one , yet so bright I can burn , I've burned everyone whose ever seen my bright smile

My body is violated , touched, and accused of sinning

I am disgusting

I'm a Broken record replaying the tunes that no ones want to hear

I am accused of not working hard enough

I am accused of not being good enough because it's not what they want

It's not how you chose to live

How can I be happy with myself if even on the hardest times that I've tried I'm going nowhere and ending up in places I don't quite remember

In places I wouldn't dare to turn

In places I'd find you

Waiting for me to cave

Waiting for the day I choose to be you

I am not you

I don't find pleasure in others pain

I don't sit by the mail box hoping someone remembered that today was my birthday

My favorite color isn't blue , or pink , or red

I am not plagued by hatred

If you just looked

If you just wanted to see

I am filled with wondrous things

With things I hope to be

And with you at my side I am anchored into the sea

Slowly drowning

Sinking deeper and deeper

Until I can no longer see the light

Until nobody can find me

Because it's not me

And I am not you

I am not you

And this isn't me

So how long will I be lost in this sea ?