INSOMNIAC ✃ JIMIN

Night 15

날 숨쉬게 해줘.
Please let me breath.

4:15 a.m

❝ The cuts on your skin,
Reminding me of my mistakes.
The small frown on your lips,
Reminding me of all our fights.
And this moment now,
When you're not here anymore,
Reminding me,
How much of a monster,
I really am.❞

I heard the news today, as I finally went out after a pathetic week alone at home. I finally realized, maybe my decision to end us wasn't the best. It didn't bring you happiness, at all. I did wrong, again.

I'm useless.

I heard about you crying your eyes out every night, calling out for me desperately. Your housemate told me all about it. The fact that you won't even eat breaks my heart, and knowing that you began to take drugs, I hate myself for that.

I just can't help it, but to hate myself for the pain you were going through. For putting you in the same darkness I'm in. For wasting your pure tears, just because of my speculation that you had enough of me, that you will be happy, living without me in your life.

I never noticed your twinkling eyes when you see me, your pink blush whenever I did something sweet to you. The enthusiastic behavior you had when you're with me.

I failed to notice that you never was like that when you were with someone else.

I was wrong.

I'm such a fail.

I was wrong.

I'm such a fail.

I was wrong.

I'm such a fail.

I kept saying these sentences in my head, over and over again. I was wrong. I'm such a fail.

The sentences themselves sound vulnerable, as if the person who said that can drop down on their knees and cry in a matter of seconds.

And that's exactly what I did after I heard about you.

Why did you choose the hard way of solving this?

Why did you have to kill yourself?

But I have no rights to ask you, as I am the reason you're not here with me anymore. You're not here on the same world as me anymore.

You're on the other world.

❝-If only I have the power,
To control the time,
I would rewind my life,
To the moment,
Before I even met you.
Before you even met me.
Before I laid my eyes on you.
Before you laid your eyes on me.
Because,
Just because,
if you didn't met me that day,
You would still be here,
Although I wouldn't know you,
But that's more than enough for me. ❞

Please be happy, wait for me there.