Wasn't Expecting That

If Only

"Hey, bud." Burt smiled kindly at his son, "How you doin'?"

"Oh just great." Kurt said sarcastically, "Never been better."

"Don't be angry with me, Kurt. I didn't do this to you."

"Oh, and I did?" Kurt exploded, "I brought this on myself, did I? I decided that I wanted this to happen. I chose to be like this. To- to- to- uh, what do you care? You're probably used to it by now!"

"What's that s'posed to mean?" Burt growled.

"You're probably used to having people that you love slowly die. While all you can do is sit there and watch it happening. Just sit there and watch as the closest people to you in your life leave you. Unintentionally, of course. But, maybe, just maybe- maybe mom was meant to leave you." Kurt watched a tear slip down the old man's cheek, "And maybe I'm meant to leave you too."

"Buddy, you're not meant to leave."

"Well, its funny, isn't it? How mom died of the exact same thing that I'm gonna die of."

"You're not gonna die, Kurt Hummel." Burt let out a shaky breath, "There's so much more left in this world for you to do."

"Well, obviously not."

-_-_-

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.

Kurt smiled to himself as he stood alone on the auditorium stage. A place where he felt safe. A place where he felt happy.

So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.

Kurt closed his eyes. He was at complete peace. If this was his last performance, he'd be okay with that.

And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well,
I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Kurt felt a tear roll down his cheek. He was wrong. He wouldn't be okay if this was his last performance. He still had so much to do. So much to see. This couldn't be the end. This wouldn't be the end.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

But it was. This was the end. Maybe not right now. But soon. Soon he'd be gone and everyone would move on without him.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

Kurt let the tears continue to roll down his cheeks as he remembered all of those fantasies he'd had. NYADA. Singing. Performing. Being famous. Just lost dreams that would never happen.

I am a dreamer and when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be

He hoped he'd be remembered. If he couldn't live to see his name in bright lights, he at least wanted to be remembered by his loved ones.

I've seen you cry,
I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.

Blaine. They were so naive. Thinking that all was perfect. They had it all planned out: They'd move in together in New York. They'd both go to NYADA and one day get married. They'd have two kids, a girl and a boy; Hepburn and Tracy.

I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I Know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you,
I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

But that wasn't going to happen. They wouldn't live together. They wouldn't get married. They wouldn't have Hepburn and Tracy. It was all ending. All ending and no one, but him and his dad, knew.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

How was he supposed to tell everyone? His friends. His boyfriend. His family.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Kurt sighed again as he lifted his arms out to the side. He felt so happy on the stage. So at home. So safe. So... alive.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

This had to be a nightmare. This wasn't supposed to happen to him. It didn't happen. It wouldn't happen. But it would. It would happen and he'd disappear. Gone from the world. Never even leaving a small imprint of his life onto it.

I'm so hollow, baby,
I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.

I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

Prom. That's what he'd do. He'd ask Blaine to prom. He needed to make the most of the little life he had left.

-_-_-

"So," Kurt began as he and Blaine lay on his bed, "Prom?"

"What about prom?"

"Will you go with me?"

Blaine's eyes widened as he sat up.

"I'll take that as a no?" Kurt frowned.

"No. I mean yes. No. Uh, I don't know, Kurt" Blaine sighed.

"That's okay. we don't have to go." Kurt sat up and wrapped an arm around Blaine's waist.

"No, it's okay. We can go. I don't wanna be a crappy boyfriend."

"Hey, look at me." Kurt lifted Blaine's head to look him in the eyes, "I don't want to go if you don't want to. I was honestly just trying to come up for what we could do on Friday."

"But now I feel bad."

"Don't feel bad. You're the best boyfriend in the history of boyfriends." Kurt smiled as Blaine's head fell on his shoulder, "We can just have a Disney marathon or something. I'm in a Disney mood."

"What did I do right to get you?" Blaine pressed a kiss to Kurt's neck.

"You used your dapper charm and an awesome amount of patience. Simple."

Kurt felt Blaine's breathy laugh ghost over his neck before he heard it. If only Kurt could laugh with him. If only he could remember how to be happy. If only life could last forever. If only...

The song used was 'Goodbye My Lover' by James Blunt