Worlds Apart

Chapter Ten - Scarlett

She was there. I saw her. She was within my vision. Within my grasp. And I let her slip away. For that I can never forgive myself. Just to spend five minutes with her, having a real conversation. I would have given anything. I just want to know what it's like. What it's like to be her. To live in Arcadia. To live with our family. Oh, our family. I wonder what they're like. I could have asked her. I should have asked her. I'm so stupid for walking away.

"Hey, Scar?" I hear a voice and my head snaps up and I look to my door. I see Indigo standing in the doorway.

"Go away." I whine, holding back my few tears and sniffling quietly into my arm sleeve.

"Now you know I can't do that." She says, entering my room disobediently and climbing onto my bed next to me.

"So, tell me. What's wrong?" She asks. I look up at her as if she had just said the most fantastical thing.

"Indy, I don't mean to sound rude or anything. But are you stupid?" I say to her. She giggles lightly and wraps her arms around my snuggled body.

"Listen. It's going to be okay. I promise. I'll help you through it, and you'll see that it's really not that bad." She says, attempting to reassure me. It doesn't work too well.

"How do you know? How do you know any of this? You're too young to understand. Just leave me alone. You're just a stupid little girl who doesn't know what she's talking about!" I shout, immediately regretting my words. My hands clap over my mouth, but it's too late. My words have been spoken, and she heard them loud and clear.

She releases my body, and I can tell I've offended her. I wish I could take it back. I wish I could take all of it back. I wish I never met Juliette, and I wish I was never put on stupid Scavengers duty, and I wish that none of this could have happened. I wish my life never happened.

"Indigo, I'm sorry. I didn't - I didn't mean that." I say, asking for her forgiveness. "Yes. You did mean it. It's okay though, you were right. I'm too young to understand your problems. I'm too young to have those problems myself. All of us are. None of us deserve this. Don't you understand that we've all been through hell and back? Believe me, you're not the only one. I wish, oh I wish I could have your life." She says, tears welling in her eyes.

I stand up to stop her. To go after her. But it's useless. I know I would only end up making things worse. I always do. And I hate myself for it.

Indigo. The one who's always so sweet, and gentle, and pure. The one who never fights. Never argues or yells. And I changed that. I broke her. I struck a nerve, and I'll never be able to come back from that. I will never forget this moment. The moment I hurt someone that I love. One of the few people that love me back.

The remaining hours of the night are filled with careless sobs and quick bursts of sleep. I wake up every fifteen minutes at least. And every time it leads to another fit of tears.

I anger myself every time I start crying again, and it only makes my crying increase. I get so upset with myself for being such a child about this. I don't like the way I'm handling this, but I know no other way.

Stumbling out of my bed, I realize the only thing I need right now is to clear my head. As I make my way to the kitchen, I trip on many obstacles. Both physical and emotional.

I look in the cabinets, and finally find what I'm looking for.

If not drinking can't keep my sanity, then maybe it's a drink that I need. After all, it brought my mind off of things that last time I got tipsy.

I sit at one of the tables in the dining room, and pop open the bottle, guzzling its contents as if it were a canteen of water and I hadn't had a drink in days.