The Focus Effect

Twenty-nine

I'm careful to leave no sign as I pick my way through the vegetation, gently pushing plants and limbs aside and stepping through without breaking them. After about an hour or so, my adrenaline level tapers off and I decide that if JD can track me after my efforts, cutting a path with a machete isn't going to change much. Now I turn back east and level the vegetation in my way. A snake scurries from my path as if it can sense my anger and wants nothing to do with it. At dawn, I start to feel my strength wane. I'll need to rest soon. I'm clearing out a spot when I suddenly remember my nanocarbon suit hanging back on the clothesline at camp. As angry as I've been all night, I haven't shed a single tear. But this sets me off. I let it all out. It's not like it's that big of a deal. I mean, I know how to control my radiation levels. Being practically bulletproof would have been nice, but hey, Kingshire will be aiming for my head the next time he has me in his sights anyway. It's just...this is the straw that breaks the camel's back. I'm crying for all that's been lost. For Doctor Sue, Mara Piper, my past, my future, even JD. Everything feels so...bleak. I don't want to do this anymore. I just want to feel safe for once. I wipe my eyes. I'm so tired. My emotions have been comprised by this exhaustion. I've got to try to sleep.

I drop my backpack to the ground and stretch my back. Off come the boots and socks and I'm surprised to discover that my feet are covered in bloody blisters. I tend to those with the first aid kit. Finally, I pull out the mosquito netting and drape myself in it. Sleep comes quickly.

When I wake, the sun is shining on me through a hole in the forest canopy. It's almost straight over head and it takes me a moment to remember where I am and what has happened. Out of the corner of my eye, I see movement. Has somebody found me? My adrenaline spikes as I realize what has crossed my field of vision. It's a jaguar, creeping slowly along the path that I carved out with the machete. Fear replaces the adrenaline and it seeps into my bones. The cat doesn't see me. As I reach for my rifle, the jaguar's eyes lock on mine and I freeze. Those golden eyes pierce my soul and for a moment, I feel a connection that I can't explain. I don't know why, but I'm no longer afraid. For a moment we remained linked and I notice a distinct black rose shaped marking above her right eye. I don't know why I think it's a female, but I do. It's the most amazing thing I've ever experienced. The cat moves its head back and forth as if trying to get a better look at me. It sniffs the air once before veering into the jungle, leaving me to see three cubs following behind. The cubs don't even notice me. Adrenaline floods my veins again but I'm filled with such a sense of peace. How can the two things coexist?

It's time to get moving. The sun has gone behind clouds and thunder rumbles in the distance. I put the mosquito netting away and notice my feet. My remarkable healing abilities have left calluses in place of the blisters so I put on a pair of clean socks and check my boots for any creepy crawlies before putting them back on.

I grab the GPS from my bag to check my position. Something is wrong. The screen is blackened and the power button is a melted, hardened blob. I close my eyes. Unbelievable!  I fried it when I jolted JD last night. I sigh and put it in the Ziploc before returning it to the bag. What else can possibly go wrong? What if I've destroyed the files that were so important to the rescue mission?

For a moment, I sit there looking at all the stuff I have. Do I really need all this now that I'm on my own? I don't need two shovels and three machine guns. If I get rid of two rifles, I'll shed almost twenty pounds from my pack. The extra weapons are secured on top of the backpack so I loosen the straps and free them. I remove the firing pins from the rifles and store them in the outside pocket of the backpack and begin to make a pile of the things I can live without—one shovel, one machete, two rifles. Anything else? I dig through the backpack.

I spot four clips for the Glock but I don't see the handgun. I thought when I couldn't find it last night that maybe he'd buried it in his pack. But JD either had it on him or it was in the tent. I won't need the clips for the handgun so I throw them into the pile. I hang a compass around my neck. I tuck the extra compasses and maps in my bag for safekeeping, that way I'll have backups for the backups if something happens to any of them. I decide to keep both machetes in case one gets dull. I keep the box of matches, the regular binoculars and night vision binoculars. Of course I keep the money. Something tells me it'll come in handy.