Behind the Flames .:H2OVanoss:.

.:Chapter 17:.

Mìngyùn stepped back abruptly. Her long tail flicked towards spirits beside her, and they obediently circled around him with a variety of pained expressions. The ones in the tree flew down a moment later to join the circle.
Mìngyùn raised her head high. "To a mortal, I cannot give anything but their lost memories and a thread of sight for the future; the pain, comfort, and love that you no longer feel must be returned by someone else. Therefore, these spirits will be the ones to give it."
          None of the ghostly creatures made any noise in response. They stepped forward, one by one, bowing their heads in a circle around him. Once the circle was complete, a white glow appeared beneath him.
All over his body he could feel a wave of pure light. If only he could keep this feeling, to not have any worries or fears with only warmth and tranquility for the rest of eternity. As Tarak suspected, unfortunately, it was not there to last.
          The unwanted sounds and emotions rushed through him like a tidal wave. All of the pain and the misery, the fear and the nightmares, the death after death repeated until he no longer had the ability to feel pain at all, he could feel everything. Running but nowhere to go, with your own death hot on your heels. The blood curdling screams of children mixed with the gory slashes of knives to skin, whips thrashing like vipers, flesh melting beneath boiling cherry flames, and the crackling of pure power that danced with life, with also with full capability of death instantaneously.
There was a self conscious fear of showing what he truly was. A fear that the only solution would be to hide himself away behind a mask. A fear of nobody caring about him, nobody wanting him, always seeing people gossip about his actions, topped with a the most selfless weight of putting hundreds of carefree lives before his own; A fear that others were forcing him to do the things he never felt destined or called to do.
He felt the weight of high officials expecting him to solve the world's problems; The worry that he isn't truly loved as much as people tell him, the distress when loving another, and not getting the same in return. He was scared of not being good enough, smart enough, always being one step behind, while remaining physically unable to do the same things as his companions.
          The feeling of weakness, incapability, at the same time forcing a strong face when he really just wanted a shoulder to cry on. Homesickness, yet unknowing where he called "home". Unknowing of everything in general, a loss of faith, companionship, and accountability.
          Evan struggled. He didn't think his body could handle much more of this mental abuse. He couldn't move his feet, his arms, or anything, but his mind overpowered with silent screams of agony, pushing away the truth using his fear. Like a coward.
          "Embrace it! This is a part your answer! Though it may be painful, do not let it overcome you once more! And always, always remember that you are never alone!" The cry was from a million souls at once, all whom chanted encouragement and love into his soul.
          He wanted to scream. He wanted to cry. There were no memories, it was all just pain and suffering. Pain he had inflicted on others, suffering he had allowed to happen, and all the mental torture being dragged with it. All the love he had lost while he stepped back and watched his betrayal torture his faceless friends.
          Because of him.

          Because of him.

          "Stop.." He whimpered. "S-stop..!" His teeth rattled. "Stop, please! I didn't mean to.. I didn't mean to hurt them..!!" With a heart pounding a thousand times a second, cracking under the pressure of guilt and the love that was ripped away from him, a burn in his chest and a pain like a knife stabbing into it, he crumpled to his knees the very instant he couldn't feel their soft touches anymore. Everything was silent again.
"You have misled yourself, child, for you have a spiritual strength as great as the spirits themselves. I have seen it in your soul since the beginning." Tarak's eyes leaked open ever so slowly. The spirits stood tall and proud with a vision of forgiveness. "You absorbed all of the specific pains haunting those you affected most. Now, it is your decision to use this knowledge wisely. Will you cower in fear, sulk into the darkness by your own self pity, or will you seek others first with confidence and determination to right yourself and your actions?"
          It had come down to this. The real question. What was he to do? He couldn't bare to live with this suffering. Everything he knew, he had believed because he was scared. Everything he had done was because of his weakness in taking responsibility. He had always known the answer but had cowered from it for so long.
His head lifted bravely. "All I've ever known and cared about was my own pain, and I've only wondered why I suffer more than those around me. I understand.. I understand now that, somehow, I influenced the grief on the people I used to know. I was destined for greatness, but I took the path of evil and ruined whatever could have been." He paused, chuckling nervously, "At least.. I think that's what they are trying to show me?"
"Indeed, it is." The great cat purred. "Now, this has been dragged out long enough. I have the power of time to control, and you have many things to discover. And remember, always follow your heart, not your fears."
"My heart..?"
"Good luck." Her eyes flashed white, as did the rest of the world.