Polaroids Lost in Time

Strange Reflection

The girl in the mirror startles me. I've expected this, but the change is so drastic that I squint my eyes to search for our similarities. I see none. 

Her eyes have grown darker and have sunk further in. Her cheekbones are sharp and lips dry and pale like the color of her skin. Her ribs are now plain to see as I skim my fingers and count each of them. Shoulder blades grace the neckline as they come near to the surface. I lift my hair away from my face and warily place it behind my back. This motion causes a slight pain in my arms. I find it that I cannot carry as much as before. 

You wanted this. I repeat this over and over again until I've convinced myself. I stand and walk. I stumble after a few steps and fall on the carpeted floors. At least it's not as worse as yesterday. I cringe at the fall and can't help but tear at what I sacrificed for this pain. My yell echoes through the walls and I know that there is no one to help me. 

I grab ahold of my bed and hoist myself up so that I sit in front of my mirror allowing to take in my reflection once again. I make my way to the kitchen, fetching myself a glass of water. I drink it in, savoring the cold liquid as much as I can. I feel it rushing down my throat. There is barely anything in the fridge, only water to keep myself from dehydrating. I leave, my silent footsteps trailing behind the cold, tiled floor. I feel faint and light headed and decide to sit and lean against the bay window, the sharp edges of my bones meeting the framed glass.

I watch the world from afar and a curious wonder grows inside of me, leaving me to think what if I didn't fear the inches on my waist or watching the numbers of a weight scale. When was the last time I tasted something other than water? 

I retreat back into my bedroom where the ghost of a girl stares back at me in the mirror. This is what I wanted. This is what I am. A living ghost.