The Last Gent

The Simple,The Stupid &The Stubborn

I still remember those eyes...those hazel eyes that hypnotized me away from giving Honey attention for that entire year when we stopped talking. Seeing you in the park with Redman that afternoon, I was in utter shock on how he could have been so lucky, as you appeared heaven sent in every way-both beautiful and obviously innocent. From my memory, you were 5 foot 6, of Spanish descent with light brown skin, hair always decorated, and suck-able 'C' cups. Not necessarily a flat booty, but enough for whatever preference. You came as an opportunity; you are what you make it. Easily the most beautiful girl in the neighborhood at the time, I walked passed in fear of confronting memories of Honey. I used to play soccer with your brother on Fridays. I was never good, but I was committed just like I tried to commit to making my mom proud by going to the Catholic church where I first caught glimpse of you.
It's funny how we have so many opportunities when pursuing the wrong things. If only I wasn't distracted by Honey, I would have seen your worth in the moment and not just what scraps were left over. Trying to heal your life, I was the best bandage I could have been at the time, but ultimately unsuccessful because you must love from within. No matter how much love I could have offered you that night-when it required courage, some sort of action; some women need it-I wasn't complete, so couldn't compete. I should have at least been aware. I loved you. You deserved better. You were the sweetest girl.
"Yo twins, do you have Sweetest Girl number?" I asked. They both laughed simultaneously, being true brothers at heart. "Yeah, I got you." one of them said while the other looked on confused. So, under a great lust, I pressed forward and texted you, letting you know that I thought you were beautiful. I asked about your well-being, but got no response so I moved on, looking at Honey from a distance.
Rush maintained his position at work. I still looked intensely for another position-sabotaging my job in the present by stealing a facial cleanse product that I genuinely didn't need. Losing my job because of my crime, I began to work at a produce distribution company. In humble terms, I was throwing meat around. I felt proud, regardless, as it was a job down the street making decent, hardworking money and leaving me satisfied at the end of every week. On one of our drop offs to a grocery store, my phone vibrated and to my surprise it was you-a month later, it was the sweetest girl confirming your interest, so full of innocence, "I lost my phone. I'm now seeing your text. How are you?" I smiled as I didn't realize that you already knew who I was via a reputation in my hometown. I was now ready to forget about Honey and take time to get to know someone that wasn't worn down from experience. I was ready for the Sweetest Girl-her innocence and her virginity.
I remember being so nervous as the phone rang-only once, but felt like it was five. Then, there you were in all your innocence on the other line telling me about your day and then 30 minutes later your life story. You even had a vulnerable moment and told me that your dad was bedridden with a disease. I invited you to hang out at the church for bible study as I realized that we had a mutual friend-her name was Black Beauty, for obvious reasons. Hanging out with you was a beautiful moment. You let me know that you don't come out in the streets like that; you were an inside person, which I respected, but I had to see you. So, I pressed you to come out-making you an addict to the excitement of the streets of Belmont. You gathered all kinds of attention because of your beauty-you were my mixed beauty...the Sweetest Girl.
Calling you on your phone one night, you told me that you exchanged numbers on the way to bible study with a taxi driver who was promiscuous and known for making young girls a statistic-he was pushing thirty and you were only fifteen. I told you-well, even warned you-that he wasn't a good character to be around, but you were intrigued by his 'rolling stone lifestyle, so you pressed on into the darkness, into the character known as Taxi Time because he knew his stage-his playground, with you being that innocent child on the swing going back on forth, completely oblivious to what was right or wrong for you. We didn't hang out for two days; my mind racing as to where you disappeared to.
Honey and I reconnected as expected then, through amazing small talk, you came up as we were all mutual friends. Honey being the senior friend in the situation said, "I talked to Sweetest Girl the other day. She let me know that Taxi Time took her virginity; fucked her hard with no consideration that it was her first time-leaving her bleeding and uncomfortable with no condom."' I couldn't believe you were so reckless. I knew that you were innocent-I should have protected you-but this was common sense. Why have sex without a condom, Sweetest Girl? Why? Your response when I called you was, "It just happened Corey." My mind was all over the place. How do you mean it just happened? The one day we don't chill and you lose your innocence...Fuck!
When I finally saw you, your demeanor had changed, but you still showed interest towards me, so I pressed on. Damn, this felt like déjà vu. I was now watching my Sweetest Girl being transformed into Honey. I refused to accept the possibility of the next step of Chantel, our neighborhood slut; not the Sweetest Girl, anyone but you. Taxi Time's presence became dominant; every time we hung out, whether it was Church or on the streets, like clockwork he would pick you up, leaving me with the haunting image of you getting taken advantage of that night-fucked hard with no mercy...losing your virginity. I couldn't believe I let this one slip through my fingers by just looking the wrong way for a moment. I refused to give up; I couldn't lose you.
I couldn't understand why you didn't see Taxi Time for what he was...a dog and a predator. Everyone knew his routine but you. He preyed on high school girls who were intrigued by someone with a car-by the illusion that he had himself together as a man. That day I saw you in bible study, you looked drained with noticeable stretch marks and hickies all over your chest and neck. Damn. I sat beside you, trying to cheer you up because you had seen Taxi Time with girls during the day, then he had his way with you in the night for a moment-only to send you off in your feelings. Sweetest Girl, I have to be that guy-the guy to bring you back to the light. I felt guilty that I let your hand slip in the dark. So, I would enter blindly, with only that love for you as a light to take you back my love...my Sweetest Girl.
I was chilling with my friend, Muffin, in bible study, venting about you and he encouraged me not to give up-to make some kind of move. What move? How can I approach this girl? I felt outmatched because I had nothing together as a man-no house, no car, nothing. I couldn't compete with Taxi Time. But then, Muffin stopped me by letting me know, "Corey, you have something he doesn't... you care about her and she knows it. Just be consistent my friend, stay at it." Not even a moment later, there was Taxi Time dropping you off while you fixed your skirt. Entering the church, my courage retreated to pray for help at the altar. Hugging you, smelling his odor on you, only made me wish it was mine. I was contemplating what move I could make to get everything Taxi Time had.
I focused more on rebuilding my business for two months, gaining success with a new contract for thirty-thousand dollars making an animation about abstinence and HIV in the workplace. Feeling blessed, I showed you the contract, but it meant nothing. You felt offended, thinking that I was just boasting. Taxi Time pulled up, but as you walked away I stopped you and held your hand, "Please don't go. I'm here for you. I would never mistreat you...don't go." I felt like something was wrong as you looked at me with those eyes, sharing a moment before you accepted your destiny. You let go of my hand, entered his car in the front seat, and pulled off with a little tear in your eye.
I felt like I had put myself out there on the stage to be laughed at because of my insecurities. Venting to Muffin again, this time his girlfriend was there-yes, I was the third wheel. "Corey, Sweetest Girl likes you; she is just confused because of Taxi Time. I will put in a good word for you." Muffin's girlfriend-we called her Sugarbaby because of her thirst for the next best thing... moneywise-said to me.
I was relieved that someone was on my side, so the four of us hung out that night in the alley-away from everything, playing Usher's Love in this Club. Looking at Muffin and Sugarbaby coupled up, with my heart beating fast and palms sweating, I gathered the courage to put my arms around you. Next to you, exchanging air and contemplating whether I should of kiss you or not, the opportunity was suddenly interrupted by back-to-back calls from Taxi Time; he was coming to get you again, leaving me in a state of anger for the predator. As his car pulled up, I walked over to the front seat and looked him in his eyes. Seeing one of his associates in the front street, I wondered what you were about to get yourself into. A potential gangbang? You jumped into the back seat while I took Taxi Time's license plate number-the hunt was on to find out where he lived. I found out in a couple hours, but he had already dropped you off because of an argument. You were in tears as Taxi Time drove off with no care. I held you, then passionately asked, "What's wrong? Forget about him, I love you. I'm here." You looked at me, with eyes red, tears streaked down your face and in a faint voice, you said the six words of destruction to end my world, "Corey, it's too late...I'm pregnant!"
"No Sweetest Girl, this can't be true!" I said with a heavy heart as it became all too real. In a moment, you went from being his side girl to his baby mama. Not the Sweetest Girl, I thought with a heavy heart. You made me promise not to say anything out of fear of ruining your reputation. I left you to go home in utter disappointment, beating myself up for failing you. I couldn't abandon you, so I stayed by your side as the weeks passed. There were multiple confrontations with Taxi Time as he now cared about his own reputation-word was getting out that his child's mother was hanging out with me more and more for comfort and emotional support. I remember when he pulled up on me when I was with you, but being distracted by my Sweetest Girl, I forgot that I was on the wrong side of town, far away from the Don-from protection of his soldiers. But, by the grace of God, Taxi Time showed up, waking me up to who was the real OG.
Taxi Time drove off, looking in the distance with full confidence that I was running out of time because, when the child was born you would be his for life. I couldn't believe you were so stupid. Eager to get away from things, Muffin, Sugarbaby, you, and myself decided to go to a park outside of town. We had fun for what it was, but there was never a moment of peace because in the distance Taxi Time could be seen making his route. Looking on, you commented on how stupid you were for even giving him a chance. "Sweetest Girl, I care about you. I would be there for both you and the child." were my heartfelt words to you. You laughed it off due to my inexperience. Your phone rang and your concerned brother was on his way. Finally hearing the heartbreaking news, within moments he arrived and told you to go home immediately. Then, he looked at me in total disappointment, as if it was my fault and I shouldn't have left his sister alone. You looked at me with those same eyes that night, full of tears and embarrassment, to see if I would take action-if I would have the courage to be more.
"I'm embarrassed, Corey. I'm leaving town, spending the duration of my pregnancy in the south with family. My father kicked me out the house." you said, leaving me in sadness. Such sadness that I begged you for thirty minutes straight to stay, but nothing could be done. You hung up the phone, putting me in the darkness on a legendary feeling of guilt. I felt like a failure; I had lost my love through not taking action. I tried contacting you, but being true to yourself, you didn't answer-leaving me to wonder... that day you texted me, were you just bored? Was it a plan?
A year passed of me not hearing from you until I continued with Honey, to take her seriously again. Feeling embarrassed myself, Honey let me know that everyone thought the baby was mine. I even overheard people giving you the title of neighborhood slut since Chantel was now in retirement. Time was going by too quickly; I had three months left before we were to migrate to America. I still had feelings for Honey that were coming back more each day, reminding me of what I could have, but Rush had entered into my life as well. I had enough of this character and I wanted him gone-by any means. I had taken action, regretting the mistake with you. The time was now so I started to plan to take Rush out. If I can't have Honey, nobody will... were my thoughts as I closed my eyes in my room, in the dark.
Honey and I hung out a couple times with mutual friends. With Rush being there, I realized he wasn't a bad person, but he still had to go. I needed my love. Time was going by; it was now one week until the move, so I talked to SnakeEye's soldiers. The plan was to retrieve Rush when he was going to Honey's-perfectly timed based on our adventures-force him in the car, and they would do what they do until he had no breath left. Then, they would burn the body, emptying the ashes into the ocean...no trace...nowhere to be found. Clean work, I thought. I had two days to commit to the plan, but I just couldn't do it. I came from a good home and I couldn't live with that kind of guilt, but my love for Honey allowed my hands to potentially get sticky.
I remember being so lost going to church that day, asking God for a sign. "Please God, I'm lost give me a sign. If I do this, there is no going back." As I walked out of the church, feeling somewhat confused, my friend could be seen in the distance running. When he arrived, breathing heavily, he said, "They killed the Don, they killed SnakeEye!" I shook my head, then thanked God. I got my sign. So, I raced home realizing that the streets won't be safe tonight because of warring gangs trying to determine SnakeEye's replacement was necessary. R.I.P boss. My last day was here. To the very end, Honey decided to spend it with Rush, but I couldn't give up. My family left town a week before, leaving me the house to myself. I packed, locked up, and said 'good-bye' to a place I called home for so long. With memories of Chantel across the yard, you, Sweetest Girl, in the south, and Honey right down the street. I took a cab, feeling almost relieved. I looked out the window, breathing the air for the last time and there was my Honey in the distance with none other than Rush.
Even after I left the country, I still refused to accept reality and kept in contact with you. With no consideration, you deleted me then added me back on Facebook; until that one time when you sent a request, only for me not to accept. I was exhausted...enough was enough. We lost communication for five years, but I still visited your page throughout the years. Rush was there maintaining his empire-still tormented by the image of him hitting it from the back. Under a drunken frenzy and the influence of heartfelt music, I added you, then messaged you. Shocked and excited, here we were an hour deep on the phone talking; only this time, Rush was no longer in your life. He left you alone after he got shot because of drug money. It put a fear in him thinking that you would be harmed.
Sometimes I wonder if it was my fault; it could of been SnakeEye's soldiers. Although, five years later, the drug money added to it, but Honey initiated it. He was never welcome. She even found out that he was cheating on her. I loved her. All Honey had to do was make a decision instead of trying to play everyone; although we are still friends to this day, I no longer want her. I'm exhausted by her games and I refuse to be a "just in case" because our friendship was the Simple.
I heard you, Sweetest Girl, went on to have another child by another driver, while Taxi Time went to prison for a gun charge... I guess ten years is a long time. So, time that bitch. I still have a soft spot for you; although you finally found some small happiness with another driver, you are still the Stupid. I expected more from you. And lastly, looking at the man in the mirror...I almost threw my life away because I refused to face the fact that it was time to move on-time to let go and embrace the L. So, I guess I'm a sucker for love. I'm still the Stubborn.