The Last Gent

Beyond Thirst

"Gumbo, I realize now who is on my side." I said in a tone of disappointment. Based on the cold looks and distance from fellow associates during the masquerade party, but honestly, I expected it even though I ignored my gut instincts. The truth is, I had no desire to attend because I was over the drinking and partying and was strict about saving money. Deep in my thoughts, far away from the drunk festivities, my mind was focused on Plug Daughter, so it was pointless to be there knowing what I wanted...my passion... my motivation... my dream girl.
I still had a good time that night because of the amount of alcohol I consumed. I stumbled around the party, but kept my composure to fight through the rest of the night, conquering the art like a drunken master. Gumbo, being my wingman for the night, was equally as focused on a beautiful Puerto Rican women who inherited the name Miss Jaja (translating to Miss Yes) symbolizing that she was very friendly and agreed to anything in the moment. But, he caught feelings for her while she led him on. He proceeded to get her attention, but failed because her appetite was satisfied. I congratulated Gumbo for keeping his composure. We continued to discuss the victory of last night, but he stopped me in between by taking a deep breath-then in his strong southern accent-responded, "Corey, I got to tell you something." Assuming that it was good news, I experienced a rush of happiness, which was rare, leaving me to assume that someone might like me after the fun night we had.
But, it quickly changed by looking at Gumbo's facial expression: no smile with his head down. He proceeded to tell me that he had lunch with Miss Jaja and her cousin, Puerto Kirby-who gained the nickname by being chubby, yet cute; sucking in everything around her like the famous Nintendo character then using the energy to become better in the eyes of the splendors and sugar in the raws.
Gumbo let me know that both Puerto Kirby and Miss Jaja thought I was desperate...well thirsty. He then stood up continuing and let me know Miss Jaja's exact words, "That tall Jamaican guy tried to talk to me, he is thirsty. "I immediately became angry; I didn't know which was more offensive: the fact that they thought I was desperate or that they called me out of my nationality, especially after she acknowledged it based on our prior conversations. I was hurt and offended about the statement that was made. Especially because I was never interested in Miss Jaja or Puerto Kirby; I tried to be a friend. I knew what it was like to be alone, away from your loved ones, so I cheered Miss Jaja up when everyone thought she was crazy because of her ways. I never was disrespectful and always kept to myself-when Plug Daughter was on the ship, I only talked to her.
Also, when I saw Puerto Kirby sitting on the sidewalk, I talked with her casually, but one of our managers-who is known for his promiscuous ways towards his prey, aka the female crew-made me look bad. Being of Indian descent, we called him Slumdog Millionaire; not to be disrespectful, it just suits him because he was well paid, but shallow, grimy, and had a poor attitude. We were also friends, but he sacrificed me by making me his scapegoat to make himself look better, "Corey, are you going to take advantage?" he said in his high pitch voice in front of Puerto Kirby, making me look like a creeper once again because I talked to him in confidence about Gypsy-who was drunk beyond belief, but he had believed the rumors that I capitalized on that night by taking advantage of her, which was far from true. Puerto Kirby then looked at me with a sense of disgust and walked away while the Slumdog Millionaire, the snake, hissed in her ear then slid by her side with a crooked smile into the darkness of the night.
Under a state of confusion, I became bitter as I felt like it was pointless to carry myself as a gentleman. My dominant thought was So, you're trying to tell me that if I open doors for women, be sincerely kind and compassionate based on how I was raised by having three sisters all younger than me, and overall treat the opposite sex with respect, then I am thirsty? These thoughts quickly transformed into actions, by me being even more distant with each day that passed, but there was still hope; someone who was a symbol of what a real woman was...my dream girl... the Plug Daughter. So, I clung to the idea of you being the unconscious ambassador of feminism. The longer you were away, the more I realized how many feelings I invested into the idea of a relationship with you; to the point that it became my core, blindly focused on that grand vision to get through anything. It helped me conquer the embarrassment from Puerto Kirby and Miss Jaja entering my love matrix. I would have given up on women if it wasn't for you. I would have broken the promise I made to my mom, continuing the hereditary trend of becoming a rolling stone with no commitments-breaking hearts and promises, anything to get what I want.
They say good things come in threes, but I proved it wrong by receiving bad news in the proven sequence. "Gent, I have something to tell you." Were Trademark's words to a friend who was already suffering from the false assumptions of Puerto Kirby and Miss Jaja. "I don't think you should go to Costa Rica." He said after knowing how determined I was to build a life with Plug Daughter. Bracing myself for his usual pessimistic comments, I asked 'why?'. To be honest, I had already prepared myself to not go because I wanted to get myself together as a man first, but that didn't stop my friend from saying, "I was talking to one of Plug Daughter's friends and your name came up."
Seeing that it was bothering him, I pressed him for the details by saying, "Yes wassup... get to the point." He then said, with a withdrawn attitude, "Are you sure man? I'm not trying to put you in your feelings. I can tell you're already getting there." Anxious for what was to come, I stared blankly while Trademark took the same deep breath Gumbo took the day, then responded, "Corey, she has a boyfriend. Her friend confirmed it. Also Plug Daughter told her friend that she doesn't like you and that your weird...translation, thirsty. I'm sorry to have to tell you like this man, but I would rather let you know now than you travel all the way to Costa Rica for the same results. She is not what you think she is." At first I couldn't believe it, "Why would she say something like that?" I treated this woman like a queen-bought her flowers, catered to her every need; when she fell, I caught her while I was under my own struggle... only to pick her up and hand her over to someone else. While I praised this girl in the light, she was tearing me down behind my back in the dark.
Still clinging to the hope that it was not true, I told myself that it could have been somewhat misread because of the language barrier. "Corey, don't listen to what she told you, look at her actions. Her actions showed you that she didn't care. Even on the last day she was here she made no effort to spend time with you, especially after all you have done and her not acknowledging your feelings through your consistent actions." were Trademark's pessimistic, yet true, words. Completely alone, my only companion was my shadow holding on to the little light left of innocent memories not yet compromised by the truth, but by beautiful lies promising some sort of future. There was no way around it; no more running from the truth, she just didn't feel the same way.
Ratatouille came back from his vacation comfortably. My mind uneasy wondering if she spent any time with him. Did he eat his cheese again? But this time, in his hole of discretion away from ship life. I couldn't believe that he won...at least in the moment. Even if Plug Daughter had a boyfriend back in the exotic place she called home, Costa Rica, Ratatouille still got to eat; he got what he wanted leaving me in a suckered position. Feeling outmatched, like an Ali fight, I inherited an unspeakable sense of obligation to get some kind of a release. So, I searched frantically for my prey as I watched this beautiful creation, in all her innocence, approach the upcoming situation. Licking my lips while I watched every part of her in the shadows, undiscovered, I realized that it was pointless since I was searching for some resemblance of Plug Daughter. So, ended up using my fantasy of my once loved dream girl to finish what I always wanted from the start; I made you mine that night in every way.
I remember laughing because I finally understood the hyenas, even Ratatouille to some sense. I couldn't hold a grudge against him; she had to approve even if he was aggressive-had to get some kind of pass for him... a reflection of myself. He found his prey and went beyond thirst. Well done for your accomplishment Ratatouille, and for unconsciously teaching me how to live in the moment. Fuck you, but thanks master splinter; I promise you the lesson was heartfelt and well learnt. I did everything I could, but left Plug Daughter alone. I cared about this woman beyond my own well-being-beyond my beliefs, making me go to a place I didn't know existed...beyond thirst. I fell in love with the idea of her. I woke up to the harsh reality by force, with Plug Daughter unplugging me from the love matrix.