The Last Gent

Fallen Angel

My heart is taken by an Angel. No one is watching, but this Angel had to many insecurities that wouldn't allow me to trust while I protected us from love. If there are angels, are the lyrics to my favorite song from big brother Kevin Gates. This song defines you to the fullest as you were my Angel-the one that fed on my insecurities to make yourself feel better. Having a rough childhood, you were overweight, but turned your life around and lost the weight without losing that feeling, that cold feeling of being the victim of various forms of bullying. You were energy-the most vibrant person I have ever met. I was intrigued by the tales of your adventures and by how open-minded you were. You took me out of the shell that I hid in because of the new environment I was in and it being my first time away from family-my first experience of ship-life.

You were all I had, my strength, the Angel that jumped ship with my heart. "I like your shirt, it suits your chocolate complexion" was your weird way of introducing yourself. That brought a smile to my face after a hectic day. It was the perfect confirmation that I made a good choice in shopping at the gift shop for Aloha Night. Disguising my insecurities in a bright baby blue Kingston-looking shirt because I don't shop for myself. Covered by my style agent, the fashion queen, my beautiful sister Jojo was there to help. I thanked you then invited you to chill sometime in the upcoming week, but you confirmed your interest by fast forwarded intentions for the Crew Bar that same night. Not taking you seriously, I headed toward my room after my shift talking to my friends, Maino and Beachboy. Then, there you were, walking the opposite direction wearing a white V-neck and tight grey booty shorts, complimenting every curve of your body. "Where are you going? Come on let's go." you said excitedly, then held my sweaty palm, throwing me off. I wanted to take a shower first, but chose to ride the rollercoaster of pride to impress my friends, highlighting my potential win to come.

Arriving at the bar with you, the hyenas' eyes made me feel uncomfortable because you were the first to get me there. I simply was in robot mode-work hard, skip the play... just to repeat the routine the next day. Your genuine smile and aura relaxed me as we exchanged our life journeys. Eager to hear your story, you expressed to me that you were overweight. I couldn't believe it, so you confirmed it with the previous pics. "Corey, I was bullied. For months, I was depressed and in that darkness, that moment of utter loneliness, I decided to take my life back. So, I started to exercise, but mainly kept a positive perspective on life no matter what." Listening to you in the bar, watching you directly in your beautiful eyes while your hair was still dripping wet from the shower, I was impressed. You continued to tell me that you were adopted, you met your mom, but never your dad, and always kept an open-mind.

Finally, someone understood me, as I'm blessed to look at life in a positive manner as well, even though I am often misunderstood for being naive. I can safely say I had a new friend that night, who came in the form of a guardian to preserve my attitude and watch over me while I was far from home. You became my Angel. Feeling accomplished, I headed back to my room with a promise to myself that I would make you mine. I prayed thinking, This is it... this could be the one. I asked God to deliver you to me...his work, his creation, my Angel.

The next day, while I was working in the café, I saw you at the fruit station. I kept my distance for a minute, just looking at you smiling-skin glowing, radiant like a sunrise in the apocalyptic world we called 'ship life'. As I walked toward you, you called my name excitedly, then we exchanged hugs while I smelled the perfume on your neck-my hands on your lower back; honestly by accident, or maybe I was just programmed to instantly grab your ass. While I loosened my grip on the hug to not come across as extra, you invited me to the beach, but I declined only because I was exhausted; also, the beach is not my stage to perform being skinny. So, my insecurities bested me that day while you walked away, then stopped and looked back... almost to give me one more chance to be spontaneous and seize the moment. I thought about you all day, regretting my actions by not being adventurous... just safe. My trainer, who was in charge of teaching about ship life, stressed on the fact about easing into it because of the long hours with no days off-84 hour weeks. Regardless of the advice, I took baby steps with another opportunity, something simpler-to the store one block away from the ship. That was my first time off the ship in two months; it took you, my Angel, to give me the courage to get some fresh air-reminding me that I'm not a slave, not a beast, but a man that became yours in that moment.