The Last Gent

Amber

Please Corey, all I want from you is your time... no money, no gifts, nothing else but your time. Is that too much to ask for?" This was your constant line. You repeated it like a broken record-vulnerable, wide open, and half naked from your ex-boyfriend leaving you starved for attention. You just wanted to be the perfect girlfriend; I swear that's all that came out of your mouth. I knew your potential, my family did too, based on how many times you used to pick me up during the week. You were the only woman doing that, going all out for me-driving every day for an hour just to hang out, but I never gave you the respect to introduce you to my family even when my mom asked about you. But, why should I? Would you let your dog eat at the dinner table? was my dominant thought and my reason of rationalizing the situation. A couple times, I
considered it-when you supported my dreams, held my hand when I was at low points-but the wounds from Kayla were too deep for me to see your virtuous intentions. I was in a dark spot in my life and I took pride in the fact that you were just one of the women I used conveniently.
I knew that the dark side existed; I confronted it and the Gent in me was defeated, leaving the winner to do as it pleased despite your feelings. But, honestly, I didn't care. I was satisfied with where I left you, to be picked up exactly when I needed you-an escape from reality, my toy...my amber.
Facebook was the way you thought we connected. I was a predator, adding you via a mutual friend, strategically getting to know you-making you comfortable, an experiment of hurt, going undercover to show that I care, leading you on, and fascinating you with the illusion I showed you. I could have done nothing wrong in your eyes. I was the Artful Dodger and I proceeded to make you my Oliver Twist, changing everything by introducing you to a life you never met because of a strict military upbringing. A church girl, I felt guilty at times, but I pray as well. I'm a sinner, so I get what I want. As I looked at your profile pictures with a sense of malice, I thought to myself, Yes, you will do.
While I talked to you on the phone, you were everything that I planned for: beautiful, but not over the top enough to draw attention; some self-worth, light brown in complexion, eyes squinted-you looked Hawaiian-standing at 5'2''. I liked that diversity, short enough to give good head while I felt on your breasts which were an outstanding DD. After a week of talking, we finally decided to meet at the grocery store parking lot in the late morning. It was August, making the environment humid with the sun like an easy bake oven ready to deliver me in a quickly. Still a little raw because, despite our multiple conversations, I was still a stranger. But that was about to change. The time was now to use you as a summer recovery until I had enough of you. As I walked towards the car, you called to be safe. I stumbled to the front seat-the effects of liquid courage accompanied by the opposite gender hate music I listened to prior to meeting you-with a malicious mind frame to commit to bringing you over to the dark side. But, I saw that innocence in your eyes, an innocence that quickly clarified everything...you were a virgin.
Spending time with you revealed to me how sheltered you were. I remember telling you that beautiful lie, a promise of commitment while I kissed you-a little sweat on your lip because of the summer heat. While you thought it was true love's kiss, I thought of you as only a bitch, a summer fling to satisfy my manly needs and a ride around town...that's all. I remember one time you came to scoop me to go to the dead-end-our spot which was less than half a mile away. It was our promised date spot, but I carried multiple women there, some were even smarter than you to acknowledge that it was a routine.
While we were driving there, my jack became a giant because of the lust. As we pulled up, I took your top off and sucked on your chocolate gumdrop nipples-you losing control because of your innocence. Then, I pulled down my pants, using reverse psychology to get you to suck me off as I knew you were yearning to please with me. Releasing in your mouth, I wore a smirk of complete satisfaction with my project. I told you I was ready to go home, so you dropped me off and continued on your way home, for an hour in your feelings.
I didn't care for your confused thoughts. "Corey, I am ashamed of what I have done with you." you said after giving me oral. I know you're not a whore in your perfect Little House on the Prairie, but to me you were...my whore and a companion all in one. A couple months passed with the same result until you let me know that your mom didn't like me and wanted some form of commitment, especially as far as you were travelling. I thought Fuck your mom... I told you I cared about you and your response showed your diehard feelings for me. Ignoring your mom and accepting the noticeable malice because of your infatuation with me, my fantasies ran wild while you sucked me off with those virgin lips. I started thinking that it was time to go all out, to take everything-your time and even your virginity.
"Amber, I need your help. I have no way of getting to the court. Can you give me a ride?" I asked, almost embarrassed to let you know about my current situation which I tried to cover up. I treated you like shit, but you still committed, showing your support by dropping me off at the courthouse, then waited an hour for me only to drive home. That was the moment when I looked at you differently. What was this familiar feeling again? As we pulled up in my driveway, I remember boasting about going to jail for a couple weeks as if it was some kind of accomplishment, showing my ignorance. Seeing that you didn't care and something was bothering you, I asked you what was wrong. You responded, "Corey, you do something to me, every time I leave from hanging out, I go home only to masturbate. All my friends are grown, I love you, and I want you to take my virginity." I accepted the challenge and left feeling a sense of victory-thinking that once I take your virginity, you would truly be mine. I knew you wanted to be in it for the long haul, but I simply couldn't commit to you. What I could commit to was taking the rest of your innocence. As I left you, I walked away with the check mate...that grand plan to destroy you.
Sitting in my living room, watching my sisters having fun, laughing, and smiling, I thought about you. My heart once cold, began to defrost like the beginning of spring. I didn't have feelings for you, but I cared about your well-being as a person. I felt a battle within myself, confused about whether or not I should commit to taking your virginity as it was the plan from the very beginning, but how can I when it's a sacred thing and I also have sisters. How would I feel if someone did that to them? My thirst for seeing you didn't help the situation, so I stayed away from you on purpose. I just couldn't do that to you, so I ignored you for a while.
A month passed with us not seeing each other until I gave up. I wondered why I hadn't heard from you so I called. You picked up and we talked for a while, but you were now signed up in the Navy and would be leaving soon. "I am talking to someone Corey, you had your chance. You never gave me any time, I still love you, but I deserve better." were your words to me; they pierced my heart, waking me up from the illusion I casted on myself. I took you for granted, especially because I had no one to talk to as all my other victims caught on and left me alone. Bitchless.
I was now in my feelings as I realized how much you really meant to me; you were the only person in my corner cheering for me when I was at my worst. After begging you to hangout, you finally gave in telling me to meet you at your church because you were going bible study. I agreed as it was down the street from my house. Driving to the church, although it was five minutes away, felt longer because my mind was racing and I was feeling guilt. When I arrived, I waited outside for you for an hour, then there you were. You were angry, saying that I could have joined the study. I held your hand and expressed myself to you. Then you told me that you were not talking to anyone, you just wanted to see how much I cared. Feeling relieved, I hugged you, but at the same time I felt the coldness coming back. I felt offended that you had that much control over me, so the Gent retreated and the dog was now in front of her, feeling on her in the church yard-ready to fuck her on the slide in the playground. But, I just couldn't do it; something stopped me, maybe it was God or just the thought of a lifetime of guilt.
I knew then that I was not good for you, I don't want to be punished by God or his assistant Karma. So I stayed away from you, leaving me with the thought that Kayla was right... I really am a tease because here you are begging me to take your virginity, but I stopped every time I got close. So, I stayed away. Three years passed with us not seeing each other, contacted you every time I was on molly, continuously promising things would be different, but never committed. Then one morning, while scrolling through my Facebook news feed, there you were with a picture of a ring. You were now engaged. I felt bad because that could have been me. You were my blessing that I misused because I was sidetracked. Thank you for showing me how to feel again; I was lost, I was numb and you were the one that got away. I am sorry for wasting your time and for how I treated you, but I get a small sense of happiness and relief that a man better than me committed and is going to be there for the long haul. So, from the sidelines, I remain distant to say congratulations and wish you a lifetime of happiness. Your fiancée is truly blessed to have you. Thank you Amber.