Lullabies

chapter 45

It was time to start packing my stuff, yeah I never got to packing last night, I had to much on my mind that packing was the last thing on my mind, if you couldn't tell so, yeah.

Honestly I don't want to go back, but at the same time I don't want to stay here another minute. I just need to go somewhere and clear my head, so maybe that's back at Berkeley, who knows where it is. I mean, there's two months until the end of the year, when I can come home for three months.

Well, I know I was just home for a whole month during J-Term but a month wasn't enough for me, I never got to see Zack since they were stuck touring in Canada during a snow storm, and now the next time I see them this whole thing with Alex happens.

Do I just attract that kind of stuff? Or what because I would love to know how this stuff always seems to happen to me, whether its planned or not.

As I sifted through my bag, I found a few of Alex's tank's. I held onto them before tossing them to the side by my laundry hamper and garbage can. 

I could feel my anxiety breathing up my neck as I grasped onto my hair and let out a medium cry before falling onto my bed.

I pulled myself together after a few minutes, sitting up and crossing my legs before dumping my bag out, and repacking it, making sure to bring some other stuff back to campus, like some more bags for when I do come home. 

I checked the time, I had an hour before we needed to leave. I set my bag down by the door before walking into the living area where everyone else was. I walked over and sat between Rian and Zack. 

They were watching Jack and Lin play the Wii, Jack failing terribly against his girlfriend, which made me laugh a little bit. She turned around and glared at me before turning back to the screen. Getting beat by Jack as she crashed or whatever happens in that game (Mario Kart).

I was surprised about that, that she actually lost for once. She's always beaten me and now she lost her tittle against her boyfriend. haha payback. I high 5'ed Jack before he handed me the remote and put in another game; Just Dance II.

I hope he doesn't forget that I was captain of the dance team all throughout High School, but than again she was in Gymnastics. 

I got up, she picked out the song before the moves came on, shit this is easy.

I easily beat her 75 % of the time until we got to the last one where there was only one set of moves, but that was whatever. She glared at me for beating her before she dropped the remote on the ottoman and went and sat with Jack he laughed as she said something to him.

I frowned before taking out my phone, sifting through my contacts until I found the contact that I was looking for, and dialed it.

I waited patiently until I heard his voicemail "Hey you've reached Alex, sorry I can't come to the phone right now, leave your name and number and hopefully I'll call you right back" I hung up before the beep, and tried again but the same thing happened.

I gave up and threw my phone on the ottoman before getting up and going up to the kitchen. I grabbed an apple before going and sitting on the window ledge, letting my head fall against the window. 

I sat and watched a few cars go by the house, the neighbors kids were riding around on their bikes and tricycles. I smiled at one of the little girls as she struggled to push herself up the hill when her brother came and started pushing her up it.

I saw dad's car pull up in the driveway, mom's behind his. I checked the time, 3 hours until we leave. Don't get me wrong I'm happy that I'm going back and seeing all my friends and finishing up my first year. 

I still don't know if I want to go back, or switch to somewhere closer to home. It took a toll on me being so far away from everyone, but I'll just think about it, I mean Oklahoma state's closer but it's still farther away, but we'll hit that road when it comes closer.

I heard someone come in, I turned to see mom "Hey mom" I smiled before scooting up so she could sit down "Hey sweetie, you feeling okay?" I shrugged, not knowing how to answer her "Yeah I feel fine I guess, just don't want to leave again" she gave me a small smile.

Dad walked in the door "Hey girls" he smiled before noticing the look on my face before walking over to me, wrapping an arm around me "Hey, kiddo what's wrong?" I shrugged my shoulders "Nothing, I'm fine dad, just have a lot on my mind, thats all" Zack walked up the steps.

Mom and dad turned towards him, he looked to me before walking over to the three of us "You okay? What's going on?" he focussed on me, a look of concern washed over his face "I'm asking that myself" mom's voice got high, it always gets high when she's worried.

I stood up before shaking my head "Guys I'm fine, honest. I'm just not ready to leave yet" that was the honest truth, I'm not ready to leave. I know Zack didn't believe me, but he didn't show it very good. 

Mom and dad left the room before Zack and I were left. I turned to Zack, while I let the tears fall as I breathed in a rocky breath. 

His arms wrapped around my shoulders as I wrapped mine around his waist, I let my walls tear down. I was raw to the touch, waiting to be broken down and put back together again.