Lullabies

chapter 35*

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Alex and Zack had to leave, some things came up with management so it's just Jack, Rian and I in the room. Jack was on a call with Lin, while Rian and I just sat and watched some TV. I wasn't paying attention to what was on the TV as much, more like looking out the window with my head on the glass.

I got lost in thought, thinking about going back to college and what things are going to be like. I snapped out of my thought's when Rian cleared his throat and turned my head "You alright? You seemed out of it for a moment" his voice was soft with care "Yeah, I'm alright just don't feel right" pulling my knees up to my chest, I leant my head on them "Physically or Emotionally?" he came over and sat in front of me;

"Kind of both, emotionally more though" my eyes closed for just a moment before Jack spoke again "When was the last time you ate?" I could only shrug "I don't know, yesterday morning maybe? Like a bagel and and an apple" his eyes widened before shaking his head "I'm calling Alex to get pizza" he said before going into the bathroom. 

That left Rian and I alone "Ri, I don't know what to do with myself anymore, I feel like Alex hates me, my best friend's in Jail, I barely talk to my own brother and I hate myself, I'm a mess!" I cried

He took my shoulders in his hands "Calm down Sarah, please. First off, Alex could never hate you, he loves you too much. Secondly, Lin will get her own problems figured out, she doesn't need you worrying about her. Thirdly, Zack's been distant with all of us, he's been stressed out with recordings and some stuff with your cousin you know this. And, DON'T ever say that you hate yourself, your way better than that Sar" he finished, I smiled before wrapping him in a hug

"Thanks Rian" he shrugged before taking a sip of his water "That's what I'm here for" I nudged his shoulder as Jack walked in "Awe! Riah moment in the house!" he's so weird.

After a good half hour Alex and Zack came back, pizza in hand, or should I say pizza's "We got sausage canadian bacon, and stuffed crust cheese"  Zack shouted before shutting the door behind him.

My body was pushed forward before a body slid behind me, I knew that it was Alex from the jeans "Hey babe" he kissed my cheek before I relaxed against his chest "Hi, hey I need to ta-" I was cut off by his phone ringing, he looked at it before shaking his head "Hang on, Hello? Hey Mark, no I'm with my girlfriend right now, can I call you later? Thanks man, alright bye" he hung up before tossing it my our feet.

Jack handed me a piece of cheese pizza and a water, I reluctently took it from him and set it in my lap. I took a few bites out of it before setting it down next to us while taking a sip of the water. Rian caught my gaze and motioned to Alex and Zack, I knew he wanted me to tell them. 

My breath caught in the back of my throat before I turned in Alex's lap, he sat up before noticing my worried expression "Sarah? Love what's wrong?" this caught everyone elses gaze. Jack and Rian both gave me small smiles

With my eyes closed, I began to speak "I need to be honest with you and your both not going to like it" I glanced from Alex to Zack, and back to Alex "Baby, you can tell me anything you know that right?" I nodded in response "I know. It's just hard for me to say this. It was hard even saying to Jack and Rian!" they vouched for me

"Dude, she literally was crying when she told me" Rian nudged his shoulder before handing me a tissue, which I gladly took before I spit it out "I've been starving myself!" yelling before clasping my hand over my mouth. 

Too scared to see everyones reaction, I quickly put my face in Alex's arm. Silent tears slipped down my cheeks as my chest went up and down. I felt his breath on my forehead before a hand was on my chin. My gaze met his, while looking into his eyes I almost lost it "Alex, I'm sorry" my eyes pleaded, he shook his head before loosening his grip just a bit. 

Arguing wasn't going to fix anything so I just unlaced his arms from my body and got up. Grabbing my phone before slipping my shoes on, not saying a word as I left the house. 

Fresh air. It made me feel better, the cool air against my skin, and the smell of bonfire filled my nose. As I glanced down at my feet, a rock in front of me caught my attention so I began to kick it beck and forth. 

With a shut of the front door, my attention turned towards the figure walking towards me, Rian. He handed me my jacket, I thanked him before slipping it over my shoulders "I thought you and I could go for a walk or something, get your mind off everything" that'd be nice. 

He then motioned for me to get into my car, so I did. It was a 15 minute drive to down town, we didn't know what we were going to do so we just walked once we got there, we ended up going to the aquarium, since it was only 6:30, and it didn't close till 9.

Time was gone, we were there for around an hour, looking at the puffins for a while before making our way around the exhibits. Mom called me about two times asking when I was going to be home, I told her within the hour before hanging up

Rian cleared his throat "We should probably going, it's 8:30" I agreed before we interlocked hands and walked back to the house, the lights all on still.