To Those Who Know Pain

Story 01--My Anorexia

The title says alot of it. But do you want to know the whole truth of it?

So I was thirteen, into grade seven. 

I pigged out over the whole summer because my friend backstabbed me, and I loved food. It was amazing, and the very taste of it just gave me something to take me away to reality. I emotionally ate, I can say that easily now.

So I was 150 pounds in grade seven, okay? I wasn't that healthy, but definitly not three hundred pounds kind of overweight. I had a muffin top, my legs weren't as skinny as others. But I didn't look even that big. But somehow the people at my school made me feel so small because they told me I was too big.

It was the first day, right. And guess what my former BFF gave me on the first day?

A fucking weight loss pill.

Now I'm not one to swear, but I swear, that day was the worst day of my life. You cannot begin to imagine how that feels when you're best friend, and if you see this--I won't say her name because I don't believe in revenge--ex-friend, well, thanks for making my life a hell of a lot worse than it already was.

People who are a bit not average size KNOW they aren't that tiny. They aren't oblivious.

So a weight loss pill. I never told anybody, I vowed then. My family doesn't know, even when they saw I became anorexic after that.

Yeah, that was the first day I skipped lunch. I skipped lunch at school every day, starving myself for all of grade eight and nine. I starved myself, skipping other meals when my family wasn't looking, so that they thought I was perfectly healthy when I was losing all that extra weight.

In fact, they didn't know I was starving myself. Because it just looked like the school gym was finally helping me. Well, really? 

It hurt me so much, and there will be a scar forever on me.

Then in grade ten, it started to get noticeable. I wasn't "Anne, the girl who finally stop inhaling the kentucky fried chicken" I was "Anne, the girl who cried herself to sleep at night wishing she had that kentucky fried chicken she threw abway two years ago and somehow still looks fat to me so I'll say it to her face and it will be so funny when she throws up her next meal in front of her parents because I still made her feel worthless, Anne."

I felt as hollow as I looked. Then somehow, a friend out of nowhere. He talked to me, it was out of pity at first, but I was just glad to have somebody to talk to. His name will be confidential.

It was just a friendship, I never liked him that way, if you're wondering. But he helped me alot. He forced me to eat an occasional KFC, keep my meals in moderation, and stopped me when I went to the bathroom to throw up in the toilets. He was amazing.

We lost touch after a while. I miss him to this very day. I loved him so much, he helped me, and by grade eleven, I was in normal shape. I'm still skinny now, but not anorexic--I'm not overweight.

I stayed strong. And trust me, I had suicidal thoughts from all that pushing anf pulling. I never attempted because of that person inside of me that I knew was worth it to live. I still had my family and I didn't want to hurt anybody.

Stay strong to whoever's out there reading this.

Stay strong.