To Those Who Know Pain

Story 03--My First Boyfriend

Has anybody read my first poem of my Falling Hard poetry collection? Well, I actually wrote that poem based off of my first crush. So...here's my story of that. It's suprisingly easier to share it with my friends on here, than in real life... so I figured, might as well put it into this book, with all the other stories and such, right? Yeah. 

So it was ninth grade and the guy--I'm going to call him Ryan, for privacy reasons--moved to our school. Of course, this wasn't high school yet. So it was the last year of our middle school. He came from America, and again, for privacy reasons, I'm not going to say exactly where he lived. 

It was about half way through the year, somewhere around winter. when he came. And it was coming around to the talent show. 

Ryan was in my class. And on the first day, he annoyed me to no end. I was playing my favorite song, I can't remember what it was then--and he said he hated that song. So I went on a mission to find a song that he did like, which was really hard in the end. 

He got in trouble many times for wearing a hat to school, saying YOLO on it. Yes, it was 2009, and YOLO was around. It just wasn't as popular and it came back, if you're wondering. But I hated that saying--I'm sorry--I like the saying, how you only live once, but everybody treats it like an excuse. If anybody agrees, please tell me. Because eevrybody I know either hates that whole saying or loves it, and I seem to be the only one crossed between.

It went on for a while. I never realized Ryan, always wanting to pick a fight with me, was actually flirting. And once day, after school, he pulled me aside and asked me if I liked him. Me, being me, I was tongue-tied, saying no! But it didn't sound convincing. I didn't ever think of liking him until then, but somhow, when he put that thought in my head, I guess I realized, I kind of did.

Ryan kissed me then. But I was so confused I just slapped his face. We both didn't know what to say.

Then I got on the bus and I came back home, just really, really confused.

The day after, after finally finding the one song that I thought he would like too, I saw him in the hallways. He signed up for the talent show; I knew he played piano. But this time, when I talked to you, I felt butterflies in my stomach. I showed you the song--which I won't name for personal reasons--and turned out you actually did like it. We both didn't say anything about last night.

It was late spring when the talent show actually happened. I didn't sign up, of course--still today, I really don't like attention. And I didn't really have a talent that's interesting, or could be presented. I could do long division really well, I could write poetry--but nothing like singing. In fact, I could possibly be the worst singer out there. 

And guess what song Ryan played on piano?

Yes, the song we both liked. 

Then after he stood up on stage, and you said: "Anne, I really like you. Will you be my girlfriend?"

The confusion had come back, and anger, really. Because everybody was staring at me, expecting an answer. Only then did I come to terms with liking you, and it felt weird--I liked my independence before, not having an attachment to somebody else, so again, I ran out. 

Ryan came to talk to me afterwards, apologizing, for embarassing me. But then I kissed him. I think that was an answer by itself.

So yes, that was my first boyfriend. It was sweet... until he had to move back to America. I haven't heard from him since. We couldn't do long distance... because he'd probably never see me again. So we broke up after the summer. Then we both moved on with our lives...

Just thought I'd share the story. Thanks for reading :)