I Love You

I Love You 3

The morning had been wonderful, for the first time in days she had woken up in Jacob's arms. It was a feeling like no other and it was something she had only experienced a hand full of times since they'd got back together. Sneaking around behind Grace's back wasn't ideal but necessary, and it came with the risk of being caught.
For weeks now Connie had been subtly dropping hints, planting ideas and generally just mentioning Jacob's name. She even went as far as to set the two of them up, for Grace to spend sometime with Jacob while she had to work.
Her most ingenious plan had been an "accidental" meeting for the three of them in the park, it was a lovely sunny day and Grace offered him a glass of juice from their picnic. Jacob never did finish his jog that afternoon because the drink was followed by ice cream, Jacob's treat, and it had most definitely been a success. Grace had asked to do it all again another day, the three of them. That was two days ago.
Now here they were, the three of them frozen in time, nobody moved, nobody spoke.
Grace had returned home earlier than planned, letting herself in to find her mum and Jacob with their lips locked together.
Shock was the first emotion to pass over the three occupants of the room swiftly followed by panic. Lots of panic, especially on Connie's part. She watched as Grace's expression changed to disappointment, she'd let her daughter down again.
"Grace...." was all Connie could think of saying.
The pain was immense, it wasn't a sharp pain but a dull ache in the middle of her chest. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. She had wanted to talk to Grace, to explain, but instead she had caught them in the act once again.
Stepping from Jacob's warm embrace Connie moved towards Grace but stopped, indecision took over. Did she reach out, take hold of her daughter and never let go until she understood. Would she make it worse. Would Grace run. Her heart sank at the thought that this time she had done irreparable damage, that the delicate relationship she shared with her daughter would be left in tatters.
Grace instantly took a step back as her mother risked a hesitant one forward. A wave of sickness washed over Connie seeing the disgust on her little girls features.
A sob escaped passed Connie's lips. "Grace!" She begged, looking for some sort of forgiveness. Instead she watched her retreating form and it was to much. The nausea increased, a weakness took over and Connie crumbled onto the floor. She was immediately encased by Jacob. "I'm so sorry sweet cheeks...it's going to be ok...I've got you..." he soothed her, whispering comforting words.
"Oh god..." moaned Connie pushing Jacob back, scrambling quickly from the floor she dashed to the sink. "Urrr..." She made it just in time, emptying the contents of the stomach, Connie stood over the kitchen sink wrenching. ..."I've lost her...what was I thinking!"
"I'll go talk to her." Offered Jacob as he rubbed her back, worried as she continued to regurgitate her breakfast. "It's ok...I've got you." He assured her.
Sobs rocked her body. "I need her Jacob!...all I want is us to be a family..."
"I know...I know...but you need to calm down...your making yourself ill." Jacob told her.
"Mum?" Came a meek voice behind them. "Jacob...what's wrong with mum?" Worry evident on her face.
"She'll be fine firecracker..." Smiled Jacob kindly. "...why don't me and you give your mum some space to clean up...we'll have a chat...hey?"
Connie heard the conversation behind her, she realized then how calm Jacob had remained, he was her constant, her safety net.

With nothing left in her stomach Connie cleaned up, washing her face and the sink she leaned heavily on the work top. She could hear murmuring from the other room but no idea what was being said, the fact that Grace wasn't shouting eased Connie's mind a little, hopefully it meant Grace was listening to Jacob's wise words.
"How you feeling..." asked Jacob sliding his hands round her waist. "...can I get you anything?"
"I'm fine...where's Grace?" Concern still evident in Connie's voice.
"She's gone to her room..." he smiled. "...I think she was scared...She said she'd never seen you ill before."
Connie let out a small ironic chuckle. "I can't remember the last time I was....what if she wants to go back to Sam?"
"Go talk to her..." said Jacob. "I'll give the two of you some space...call me...ok...i love you." kissing Connie's forehead he turned to leave but stopped at the door. "Why don't you take today off-" "I can't...there's a meeting I need to attend...thank you Jacob...for everything." Connie gave him a soft smile before he left.
Connie took a deep breath, with uneasy steps she made her way to Grace.
Standing outside Grace's bedroom Connie hesitated for a spilt second before knocking. "Grace, sweetie?"
"Go away!" Came the harsh reply.
Connie sighed and slid down the wall, leaning against it she could hear crying from inside. She couldn't find the words so instead ran through all the events that led her here, all the feelings and emotions. All the times she'd risked a stolen kiss from Jacob in public or cancelled on him to be with Grace. All the juggling she's had to do. How tiring it had become. Sitting here now she realized she'd gone about it all wrong, from the very beginning. She should have bit the bullet, been braver and introduced Jacob has her boyfriend from day one. But could she have honestly said back then that she knew how deeply her feelings ran, did she know her relationship with Jacob would mean so much to her. Honestly, that shouldn't have mattered. They were dating and she should have said so. Hindsight was indeed a wonderful thing.
"I'm sorry Grace..." started Connie nervously ringing her hands together. "I'm not sorry about Jacob...I'm sorry you felt I had to prove how much you mean to me...I'm sorry I let you go to American in the first place...I should have realised what I was giving up...I thought I was doing the right thing by you...now I understand that the right thing would have been to fight for you to stay...to make more time for you...that's all you've ever wanted and I know that now...I love you so much sweetie..." Connie stopped, the sound of the lock a the sliding back caught her attention. Moving out of the way she leant against the hallway wall making space for Grace to sit beside her. "...I told Jacob it would be for the best to keep our relationship quiet...that with everything going on with your dad's girlfriend...that it would be to much for you..." Connie shuck her head. "...I've got quite good at lying to myself over the years...I actually believed what I was saying...the truth is...I didn't want to say anything because that would mean putting a name to this thing me and Jacob had...if I did that, then it would make it real...I always get hurt when it comes to real feelings..." Connie looked down at Grace to find her listening intently to her words. "...it was Jacob who got me to see sense...to go after you at the airport, that's why he was there...he's made me realise a lot of things...and so have you..." Grace looked up. "...that there's more important things in life than work...since you've been back...all the things we've been doing together...shopping, movies, sports day, homework, normal things that a mother and daughter should do together...I feel a complete fool for not doing all those things with you properly before...I've been missing out on so much and I'm never going to get that time back....and nothing I do now will ever make up for the times I thought there was always something more important, I know that...Jacob's made me understand...and I love him for it...I did leave him when you asked me to...as hard as it was...I just knew I couldn't lose you...I pushed him away so much, I've really no idea why he didn't hate me..." Connie wiped a tear from her cheek. "...I thought I'd lost him for good the other week...in that water...I thought he was going to drowned...that was the first time it occurred to me that I might actually be falling in love...before I knew what was happening I'd told him..." Connie took one of Grace's hands in hers. "...I know explaining myself doesn't make it right and I know the sneaking around should never have happened...we went about things in the worst way possible...I'm sorry that I've managed to hurt you again...and I know I have no right to ask...but will you give me the chance to prove myself...that I can do right by you...by Jacob too?" Connie pleaded, she'd said all she could, now the ball was in Grace's court. The power was in her hands.