I Love You

I Love You 4

Connie sat patiently, waiting for some acknowledgement from Grace. It felt like time had stood still, yet the only sound she could hear in the still house was a ticking from the living room clock. It made her painfully aware of how long the silence had stretched out between them.
The shrill sound of her phone ringing in her pocket made them both jump, turning off the ringer Connie placed the phone face down on the carpet beside her.
"Aren't you supposed to be at work?" Asked Grace bitterly.
"I'd arranged with Hanssen to go over a few details before a board meeting at ten...but that's not important...I'm not leaving here until I know we're ok..." Connie insisted. There was no way she was going to abandon the conversation now, no matter how one-sided it was, not when the friendship with her daughter was teetering on the edge of a very steep precipice. She felt like one wrong word or misplaced breath would bring her world crashing down around the ears. Like she was treading carefully through a minefield.
"Won't he be angry with you?" Grace wondered.
Connie gave her a tentative smile. "Probably...he'll get over it..." shifting so she could see her daughter's face she added. "...it's how angry you are with me that I'm bothered about...tell me what your thinking...is there anything your particularly worried about?" Ventured Connie, eager to put Grace's mind at rest but all she received was a shrug.
"Grace...please...I'm trying here...I want to make this right." Begged Connie, her voice breaking as her throat tightened with all the emotions running through her.
"What if I asked you to still pick me?" Grace murmured.
"What?" Connie asked, fear rising inside her.
"If I said that I really didn't want you to be with Jacob, what would you do?" Grace explained, giving her mum a defiant look.
Tears welled in Connie's eyes and fell quickly down her face, she had no hope of holding them back, there was no mask in the world that could cover her hurt. Connie was convinced, now more than ever, that she'd never really known true love before because she's never experienced this kind of pain. She could feel her heart crumbling, shattering into thousands of tiny pieces. If she lost Jacob, if she had to walk away, she was sure the damage to her soul would be irreparable. "If you asked that of me...if you won't accept the three of us being a family...I wouldn't...I couldn't stay in Holby..." Grace head snapped up as she gave her mum a look of pure shock.
"What?" Asked Connie bewildered. "You think that I could work along side the man I love knowing I can't be with him...I've tried that before and look how that turned out...besides...it would be cruel, not only to myself but to Jacob as well...I wouldn't have a choice...if there was no way I could be be with him then I won't hang around and watch him find someone else...do you really think I'm that heartless...or maybe you think that I'm not really serious about my feelings for Jacob..." Connie stared Grace down, she wanted to make sure she understood that she was completely serious when she said her next words. "...I'd hand in my notice...today...right now...and we'd be gone by morning..." Connie frowned as something occurred to her. "...I'd like to know...is it just Jacob you don't want me to be with...or do you expect me to be alone all my life?" She could feel anger building inside her. Anger and frustration at how vulnerable she felt, to be in a situation she had no control over. To have her future sat squarely in someone else's hands, not just her future but her heart as well, it was a scary and daunting prospect.
"I like Jacob...I just find it hard to believe that you can fit us all in-" "Grace we've been seeing each other for six weeks, since the conference...please tell me how I've failed to make time for you...has it been so terrible?" Connie fought to keep her tone neutral. "Tell me what it would take for you to give me one more chance...what would convince you that I'm serious about making this work." Desperation seeped into her voice.
"You keep hiding things from me mum...it needs to stop...I'm not stupid yet you keep treating me like I am...I want there to be no more secrets...even if you think it's something I won't want to hear...I want to give you the chance but I can't help but remember very time I've been pushed aside-" "It won't happen again!" Insisted Connie. Grace took a moment, considering her words. "...I need you to make two promises."
"Ok...which are?" Connie asked curiously.
"That I will always be your priority...I don't want to go back to dad...I love being here with you...and no more sneaking around." Grace laid down her terms.
"I promise you will always be my priority." Connie told her confidently but paused. "Before I make the next promise...I'd like to talk about something first-" "go on." Urged Grace.
"I'd like it if Jacob moved in with us...he's erm...he's asked me to marry him..." as soon as the words left her mouth she started to doubt herself. "...just say if it's to soon...it's probably a bad idea." Connie tried to back track.
Grace smiled. "He really proposed?" She was astonished.
"Ok...Ok don't sound so surprised." Chuckled Connie wiping tear stains from her cheeks.
"You've said yes?" Queried Grace.
Connie nodded as a bright grin broke out over her face. "In theory...obviously with the condition that you were on board."
"I think you should marry him." It wasn't meant as permission, it was acceptance. Grace was willing to accept Connie's apology and give her the chance to make amends.
For the first time since Grace had caught them in the kitchen, maybe even as far back as the break up, she could almost believe that everything would work out.
"Mum?" Grace asked, clearly with something on her mind.
"What is it princess?"
"Would it be ok if Jacob didn't move in right away...could we spend a few weeks just hanging out together...just to get use to the idea-" "I think that's perfectly acceptable..." Smiled Connie reaching for her daughter. "...come here." Grace leaped onto her mum's lap, cuddling into her. "I love you so much Gracie." Connie said breathing in her scent and exhaling deeply, letting go of all the tension.
"I love you you too...Mum...you do realize it's nine o'clock..." Grace teased.
Connie didn't care, she could handle Hansen, she would gladly accept anything he wanted to throw at her. Especially today. Today she was on top of the world. She and Grace had moved a step closer to each other.
There was just one last subject she needed to broach but quickly decided it was something to talk about another day. Right now Connie was thrilled with the progress the two of them had made. They where slowly but surely putting bridges back together.