The Light Behind your eyes (Gerard Way Fanfiction)

Rude Awakening

I wake up screaming. I quickly sit up and my eyes are pinned open, I can feel that my body is extremely hot. It's to the point where everything feels uncomfortably hot and it's as if I'm about to sweat.

I had a nightmare again, this only happens when I have those awful dreams. I can feel my eyes water as I remember every exact detail that lay in the vision of my mind.

He was supposed to be my dad...

A tear escapes my eye and streams down onto my cheek.

Who does that to a person... To their own daughter....

Before I know it, more and more tears trail down my face and my nose sniffles. I hate my life. Why did it have to happen to me?

I always get the flashbacks and nightmares of what happened when I was a child... Living with my dad....

Self Harm and Abusive content

*Dream*
It's my sixteenth birthday today, I don't get a party. It doesn't really surprise me though. I've never had a birthday party. My mom died when I was two and I had a deadbeat dad.

I lay on my bed and look up at the ceiling. The music bursts in my ears, the words of Gerard making it not so hard to be alone. Just listening to his voice made me feel happy and I was able to just listen to his words, the meaning behind them.

I stop and pause the music. I feel the vibrations of someone walking out in the hallway. I wait a few seconds and realize it's coming to my door. I take out the earbuds and place my phone behind me. My 'dad' hated it when I listened to my music. He would call them emo fags and make fun of them. I would try and stand up for them but I was always beat when I talked like that. I have become very shy when it came to speaking my own words.

The door opens and the sight of my father with a half empty bottle of alcohol in his hand. He was drunk off his mind, you could basically pick up the odor before he even opened the door.

"What the hell are you doing?" He asked, the slurring of his words becoming obvious.

"Nothing" I say, feeling the nervous ball clench inside me, knowing how he gets when he's drunk.

"I'll ask you again. What the fuck are you doing?"

"I said nothing, I'm not doing anything!" I say getting slightly louder. I can hear the crack in my voice, evident that I was in fear of what his possible actions may be.

"You lying bitch!" He yells as he grabs me by my hair and throws me to the ground.

I let out a yelp of pain and a thud is heard when I fall to the floor.

The harsh toes of his boot land of the center of my ribs repeatedly, making it feel like I was breaking from the inside out.

The tears fall down my face, one after the other. There's no point in me begging, whenever I do he just goes harder and puts me in more pain.

Aching pains start in my stomach and I know there are gonna be huge bruises on my stomach and ribs, next to the ones I already have and tracing over the not-so older ones.

He crouches down next to me and I feel an immense pain to my face as he hits me. His ring cutting through my face and I feel a little drop of blood running through the cut and down the side of my cheek, likely mixing with my tears.

His fist hits even harder the second time and my vision fades.

Finally some peace.

*Present Day*

I sit up on my bed and make my way into the bathroom. I look myself in the mirror, my bright red puffy eyes and the dark bruises around them being the first thing I notice. The second thing being the small line across my left cheek.

I sigh and pull at the sleeves of my shirt, looking at my arms and the ugly scars that lay upon them. I hear the voices in my head again.

You're so ugly, what's wrong with you?

Who would ever want to be around a loser like you?

Why don't you just kill yourself? No one would care anyways...

More tears fill up in my eyes and they stream down my face.

I get on my knees and look in the cabinets under the sink. I roam my hand around the top of the cabinets and feel around until I come across the familiar cold metal against my hands.

A small smile spreads across my lips.

Just this once....

I take the blade out, seconds later and overwhelming feeling of relief is almost released as the blade slices across my skin. I look down at the scars that are carved into me. The voices scream in my ear as I press the blade once more into my skin.

Two.

You whore, you deserve this.

Three.

Why haven't you killed yourself yet?

Four.

God knows nobody would care.

The lines on my skin keep appearing one by one and the voices in my head keep screaming at me, making my own thoughts incoherent. 

I stop at ten and my arm is numb. I wander back into my room and look at the clock on my nightstand.

4:00 a.m.

I nestle back into my bed and close my eyes, sleep taking over and I lose myself to unconsciousness.