The Story of Why

Drew - Sleep

Weeks had passed, my shoulder was almost entirely healed. I was staying with Keda, her mom, and her little brother. They accepted me with open arms, and I don't think there will ever be a day where I'll know how to thank them for it.

Questions overflowed my mind daily, and I can't stop the flashbacks. I kept asking myself why, why. Why did it have to be me? Why my mom? Why did I always run away from Keda, who loved me more than I thought anyone ever could. Why did Keda come back to me every time? Why did she keep trying? Why is the question, isn't it?

Sitting on a chair on Keda's porch, watching her and her brother childishly arm wrestle across from me, on the other side of the table, was when it all started to crumble, and form anew.

I never thought I deserved a love like the one I had with Keda. My mother had no love for herself, and I grew up thinking that was the norm. All my life, I spent walking aimlessly, ghosting around. Everyone that entered my life soon left. I always pushed them away before they could get too close, before they could hurt me.

That was, until I noticed Eric. He was always by my side, no matter how far or how fast I ran, he'd always catch up to me. He didn't let me out of his sight, he actually cared. Eric had gotten me through more rough patches in my life than I can count, and without him, I would've given up by now.

For the longest time, Eric and my mom were the only reasons I kept myself alive. I never lived for myself. I lived because I owed it to them. I owed them after they put so much effort into trying to keep me happy and for caring about me.

I lived for others, which wasn't really living at all. Then I met Keda. Meeting her was terrifying, but falling for her almost killed me. For once in my life, I found someone that made me indescribably happy. She gave me a reason to live. She made me happy with myself, with my life, with her.

That's why I ran, I realized. I had never had anything to lose, so when I was finally handed the most precious thing I could imagine, I didn't know what to do with it. I knew that I would never recover if I lost her. I didn't trust her with my heart. Trusting her with my heart meant trusting her with my life.

I smiled at how fragile I had been. Being with Keda made me stronger, and I know she won't be leaving me any time soon. We're young, but I've never felt so alive, as cliché as it sounds.

She snapped me out of my thoughts when she called my name. I looked up, smiling, "Yes?" I replied sweetly.

"Are you feeling alright?" She asked, looking concerned.

"Just fine," I reassured her, then turned to her little brother sitting beside her, "Olly, do you mind giving us a second?" He nodded, slipped off his chair, and made his way back inside.

I got up out of my chair and sat in the one beside her which was just Olliver's, but now vacant. I took her hand in mine and interlocked our fingers. I raised our hands and kissed the back of hers gently, putting it back down.

She shook her head, smiling. We said nothing to each other, but it was a pleasant silence. It gave me a moment to realize just how much I loved her. I leaned in and kissed her, my hand drifting onto her thigh as the other still held her hand.

Keda pulled away first, trying to contain a grin. "Let's go inside, it's cold." I simply nodded and she got up. She pulled me with her, inside and up the stairs to her bedroom.

We sat down on her bed, and I just looked at her. "What?!" She asked impatiently. I just smiled, keeping quiet.

She laid down, yanking me by the collar of my shirt on top of her, and I thanked God that the door was closed. I kissed her passionately, hoping this would answer her question. Hoping she'd realize that every time I look at her, I fall even harder.

We kissed more, and it felt like a fire had started inside of me. I could feel it in my fingertips, and I've never felt this way before. She bit my bottom lip and tugged on it playfully, driving me absolutely insane.

I pulled away from the kiss, and discovered new territory. My lips hit her neck, attacking it with short, ginger kisses. I could tell I was at a sensitive spot when I noticed her grip the bedsheets, her eyes shut tight. I smirked, pleased with my control.

I laid down beside her, out of breath and panting. We made our way under the covers, and she scooted closer to me, her head buried in my bare chest.

I kissed her forehead and pulled her even closer to me. She looked so frail and beautiful. Like porcelain, needed to be held with care. I smiled as I felt her breathing become steady, her eyes closed, and her mouth slightly open.

She'd fallen asleep in my arms, and I was ready to take her lead, but not before whispering something into her ear, hoping her subconscious might register it.

"You're the reason why, Keda. You're the reason I'm still here."