Two Stars- An Auslly Fanfiction

Chapter 21

I can't even remember the last time I was at the beach. The uneven feel of the sand beneath my shoes, the weird breeze, the salty smell, it's all unfamiliar.

But I'm very used to unfamiliar by now.

I push past Austin, and run down to the edge of the water. I'm wearing a pair of flip-flops Avery lent to me, so I let the mini-waves wags over my feet. I look out, as far as I can see, searching for something in the midst of the glittering nothing.

Unwanted. Rejected. Freak.

Suddenly, something feels different inside of me. Like something is missing, something escaped through the cracks in my broken heart. I can't pinpoint what it is, but even if it makes me feel emptier, I also feel more free. I can finally think clearly.

We are all born a blank canvas. At first, our brushes are guided, a steady hand helps us outline the masterpiece we will one day become. We can maybe push the boundries of these lines in another direction, but for a long time, the guiding hand will be there. When its time to fill in the color, we have to know. We have to know when to take the brush. If we dont, others will mix the colors you dont want, and turn it ugly, leaving spots of darkness. Its long since been time for me to pick up my own brush.

I am an unwritten song, I'm just starting to figure out the first notes.

But only the first ones, and even those don't sound right. They've been meddled with, my life has been out of my hands until now. I can't fix the dark blotches they've spilled. The notes just keep coming out wrong; they started out that way, and now I can't change them.

I don't break my gaze from the sparkling ocean. I think I know what is different about me now.

Before, there was a part of me that refused to take note of the dark spots, the off-pitch notes. I refused to give up hope, unaware that that was the one thing blinding me. "Holding a veil over our eyes." My sister is very wise. Maybe more than she knows.

I feel like I've matured ten years in ten minutes. Suddenly, the burden of being a part of the world is upon my shoulders. But while everyone else was able to ease into it, sixteen years worth is hitting me full force. I can't stop it.

I take a deep breath, inhaling the scent of the ocean.

Unwanted. Rejected. Unneeded. Uncivilized. Freak.

And the world is better off without freaks, isn't it?

I'm unconditionally bitter. While I, merely an hour ago, was sure all the pieces were fitting together, now everything's been shattered. Nothing fits.

Or maybe it's just me that doesn't fit.

Either way, the darkness has now seeped through to me, encasing my heart, glazing my very being with dripping despair. And so in a second, one more second of staring out, I make the decision to do either the stupidest or bravest thing I've ever done.

I haven't been to the beach since before kindergarten. Needless to say, there's nowhere to swim in the orchard. I don't know how to swim.

So I run straight into the sea.

The water, the waves lap up higher and higher, until they're up to my shoulders. Up to my neck. Up to my chin. One more step, and I'll be under. Where freaks like myself belong.

I suck in one last breath, and let the ocean envelope me.

Before, this would have terrified me. A part of me is still terrified. But a much bigger part feels no terror, I don't feel the oxygen slipping away. Fifteen seconds. Thirty. I open my eyes for just a moment; all I can see is blurred murkiness. Kind of what my canvas must look like to the universe.

All I can hear is an unpleasant roar. Like my song must sound to those above.

One minute. Maybe two. My mind is being shaken up, my lungs feel ready to explode. I feel myself being tossed around by the waves, but that's something out of my control anyways. All of my senses seem to be going in and out, one minute I can hear the water rushing around me, and the next second everything's gone. I'm going in and out of consciousness.

So close, I know it. The world leaves for a second, then it's back, the it's gone, and back again. I'm very aware of my existence, because I know in a matter of seconds-to-minutes, I will no longer exist.

I don't think anyone in this world completely finishes their song. The thought occurs to me before-

I'm grabbed from behind, yanked up and out of the water. On instinct,I gasp for breath. I'm saved. I know who it is, of course, but before my brain can for a clear thought, I lose consciousness for real.

I think it's only for about a little more than a minute, though, because by the time I come back to, Austin is only just setting me on the sand, having to have thrashed through quite a few yards of water, while carrying me.

I open my eyes. Austin is looking down at me, water drips from his hair to my face. No, I realize, it's not from the sea. He's actually crying. Not hard, like I would, just a few tears falling silently from his eyes.

"Ally..." He whispers when he sees my eyes. I can see an unbelievable amount of relief on his face.

I struggle to sit up, and seeing this, he helps me. Then he hugs my shoulders tightly. I lean into him, more for support than anything else.

I can feel him shaking slightly. It takes a longtime for either of us to speak, but he's a bit overwhelmed, and I'm still catching my breath. Whether due to the lack of oxygen, or reality of what I just attempted is the cause, my brain once again feels fuzzy. I still feel empty, but nothing makes sense again.

"You shouldn't have saved me," I say hoarsely. Austin tenses up, I can feel him do so beside me. He grabs me shoulders.

"It's not your time, Ally." Another tears runs down his cheek. I reach out and wipe it.

"I'd made up my mind."

"I wasn't okay with your decision."

"It would've been better that way," I tell him.

"For who? I wasn't going to let you die, Ally!"

"Why not?"

"Because. It would've hurt me too much. I can't-" his voice catches. His hands move from my shoulders; instead his arms wrap around my waist. "-I can't lose you."

I hug him back tightly, but I feel no emotion. Everything is just numb.

"I've already lost myself," I murmur into his chest.

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There you go my friends. I personally am proud of the philosophy I came up with for this chapter, but I want to know what you guys think of course! So vote and comment please, make my daaaaaaay ;)