She Is My Tragedy

Chapter 5

Chapter 5
I've been waiting in this damn waiting room for the past hour and a half and I can't sit down. My stomach is flipping out and I'm surprised I haven't thrown up at this point. Alicia grabs my arm and I stop pacing to look at her. Her face is grey, not even white and her eyes are bloodshot from all her crying. This makes me sick. This is all her fault. She is the reason Mom is in that emergency room.
"Please Ethan. Sit down. You're pacing is making me feel worse." I shrug her off and sit a seat away from her.
"This is all you're fucking fault, you know." I mutter. She looks at me for a moment then lets her head fall into her hands.
"I'm sorry okay! I never meant for her to go off and swallow those pills!" I curl my hands into fists as memories come flooding back from a couple hours ago. How Alicia explained that mom hadn't come out of the bathroom for at least twenty minutes and she started to get worried. How I raced up those stairs as my breath hitched in my throat and the feeling of my stomach in knots. How I busted down the door and found her on the floor next to any empty bottle that was supposed to have pills. And then the next thing I know, I was in this horrible waiting room, hoping my mom hadn't succeeded in killing herself.

I take a couple of breaths so as not to burst out in anger. We have enough people staring at us.
"Alicia. I hope you got what you wanted. I hope this makes you satisfied. Or will you only be satisfied if she ends up dead?" I say calmly while looking her dead in the eye. Her face drops and she looks horrified.
"How could you say something like that!? I would never want my own mother to go and kill herself!" She yells at me. I laugh bitterly.
"Well, it's not any different from tormenting her. You basically pushed her to her limit. Making her think she's not good enough as a mother or a wife." Alicia opens her mouth to say something, but I can tell she's defeated.

Another twenty minutes have past, until I see a doctor walk around the corner and into the waiting room. He walks over to Alicia and I.
"Hello. How guys doing?" He asks softly. We both nod to show we're doing okay but really we're not.
"Where may your father be?"
"He went to get us some coffee. He should be back any moment." I answer, my voice almost cracking. He nods and takes a seat beside me, I presume to wait with us. My dad comes back a couple minutes later, looking as grey as Alicia. The doctor stands up and shakes hands with him then takes him out into the hallway. My stomach drops as I imagine conversations they might be having. I prey to god she isn't dead. My mom was the only one I could talk to in the family.

My dad walks back in with a faint smile on his face that you can just make out. I get to my feet immediately, hoping that's a good news smile and not a 'I come bearing bad news' smile.
"She made it... She's alive. You're mothers alive!" He places his hand over his mouth to stop a sob from escaping and my eyes widen and I can feel the tears falling.
"Can we see her!?" I almost shout. My dad nods and tells me to go in first as she requested my presence. I follow my dads instructions and head down the narrow hallway towards my mom. I always hated hospitals. They're grim and depressing looks. The almost silent sobs of those who have lost someone. The smell. But for once in my life, I love hospitals. Because this one saved my mom.

I walk quietly into room 228 and stop as I see my mom lying there in her white hospital gown. Her face is extremely pale, you can see all her veins. She has dark circles under her eyes and her breathing is slow. I walk over to her side and try to not cry, because I don't want to upset her more than she already is.
"M-mom?" She turns her head to me and she shows a weak smile.
"E-ethan... my beautiful.. boy." I smile softly and take her hand in mine gently because she seems so fragile I'm afraid I might break her. I let a few tears fall and she slowly and shakily, with her other hand wipes them away.
"Don't c-cry E. I-I'm here."
"I know. I know you are but...god mom please! Don't leave me! Don't ever try to leave us again!" She nods and places her hand on my cheek. Her touch is icy cold and it makes me shiver. It's funny how some things can happen in the blink of an eye without any warning. How a loved one can be in an emergency room on the brink of death. It's scary if you think about it.

I take my time with mom because I'm not entirely convinced that this won't be my last moment with her. My dad and Alicia walk in and I can tell Alicia doesn't dare to lift her head. She damn well better get her shit together because if she ever lets mom do this again... mom won't be the only one in an emergency room. I decide to head home for a shower and some clean clothes and to get some things for mom. As soon as I step out the sliding doors of Brookdale Hospital, it begins to piss rain. I sigh and race to my car and hop in. Before I start the engine I check my phone to see I have three missed calls from an unknown number and then a message saying it's Cassidy. I quickly unlock my phone and call her back. The line rings for a while before I hear Cassidys soft voice.
"Hello Ethan Mains." I smile a little.
"Cassidy Greene."
She sighs, but it's a sad sigh. "I'm terribly sorry for what happened to your mother." I don't respond right away. I'm not good when people apologise to things that they have no control over. I mean how can you respond to 'I'm sorry'? You can't exactly just say 'Oh, it's okay'. Because it's not. My mom tried to end her life and here I am on the phone to Cassidy, whom is apologising for what my mom did. As if Cassidy is doing it for her.

"Ethan?"
"Oh sorry. I'm still a little shaken up." I explain.
"Dillon texted me what happened. I currently happen to be in a playground, on a swing with two cups of coffee and a bag of sandwiches. To add, in the rain. Would you care to, um, join me?" I smile and for a moment it seemed curious. To be in a playground in the rain with coffee and a weird girl. A beautifully weird girl, I may add.
"Which playground?"
"The one near my place. You know, with the old swings and a broken see-saw." I laugh.
"Be there in ten." And I hang up and switch on the engine and head to Cassidy and coffee with sandwiches. I text my dad to let him know I'm going to see a friend and he seems fine with it as long as I'm back within two hours.
I park in the parking lot of the playground and make out the silhouette of a girl swinging slowly. I get out, pull up my hood and walk over. I plonk myself down on the swing and it creaks under my weight.
"Life's full of surprises they say. But they forgot to mention they aren't all good." Cassidy says as she hands me a cup of coffee and a sandwich. I nod and thank her.
"Heh, so it's true. I think that's a good quote." She leans across her chain of the swing and rests her head on my shoulder. We sit there in silence, eating our ham sandwiches and occasionally sipping our coffee. This felt right. Even after all that happened tonight, this made the stress of everything go away.

"Why'd she do it? If I may ask."
I stiffen and I can feel the colour drain from my face. "My sister. I'm sure it's her fault. She made my mom think she was a terrible mom and a worthless wife."
Cassidy sits up straight and looks at me. "Wow."
"Yeah." I nod. "She's a monster."
There's silence again until Cassidy looks me in the eye.
"We're all monsters Ethan." She whispers.

OkAy. Wow. I cried so much writing this chapter. Like fuck man. GOD DAMNIT ALICIA. *Breathing intensifies*

But apart from all that commotion I hope you enjoyed this and I'm sorry I couldn't update last night but ah sure. Hope you're all keeping well unlike me *cries* LOVe ye lovelies.

Penny for your thoughts...

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-IAWH x

Song Recommendations: Ain't love by Blackbear and Feelings Fade by Gnash

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