She Is My Tragedy

Chapter 10

Chapter 10
Ethan

My old basketball coach calls me into his office and I wonder what he could possibly want. I walk in, slightly shaking, and sit down in his leather chair opposite his cluttered desk. His room smells of dust and plastic. It has old photos of all his old teams on the walls and a picture of his son and wife on his desk. Coach Merton is a tall brown haired man in his fifties who seems to think he's still twenty and hip. His eyes are droopy and he looks like he hasn't slept in weeks. Probably because he was up all night trying to come up with ways to be hip again.
"Ethan Mains. My ex-number one star." I roll my eyes. He gives me more credit then I deserve and makes me sound like I used to be the saviour of the team.
"Coach Merton." I nod at him. Even though he may be a bit of a loser, I still respect him.

Coach walks over to his set of metal drawers and on top of it, he takes the photo of the team. The one where I was still part of the team.
"I don't know what ever made you leave, Ethan." He sighs and places the photo down again. "But we miss you. Are you doing any other sports?"
"I'm actually not, Coach. I stopped completely when I quit the team." He makes a disappointed face and I bob my head side to side.
"Would you ever consider coming back? I mean, we kinda suck without you."
"Please, Coach. You make me sound like a saviour. I was just as good as any one. Nothing special-"
"Ah, but you see." He cuts across me, "You were a super star. Or could've been at least, if you had stayed." I lean back in the chair, deciding I might as well get comfy considering this conversation won't be ending any time soon. Well, I'm missing Geography so.

Coach Merton walks back to his seat and places his hands together on the desk, leaning closer.
"Ethan. Come along to tomorrow's practice. Help me coach the newbies." I furrow my eyebrows, contemplating his offer. I just wasn't sure what to do. I stopped playing because I couldn't focus on anything after my break up. Maybe I should give it a go. Try it out and see how I feel.
"Can I think about it?" I ask.
"Oh yes, yes, yes. Please do. If you feel up to it, just come tomorrow. It's the usual time." I nod and shake his hand then get up and leave. Once I get out of his office, I release my breath. I check my watch and see there's only fifteen minutes of class left so I decide to go to the court.

I walk down some empty corridors and then into the EC 1 building where all the sports halls are. I walk down the corridor of the building slowly, looking at the photos hung up. I pass the tennis section then come to the basketball section. I stop and face the wall and spot my teams photo hanging up high, looking all proud. I see myself in the back row in my blue uniform, all smiley and happy, arms around two other players. It's funny how some of our passions can turn into strong dislikes so quickly. I try to imagine what I would be like now if I had never quit the team. If I'd be happier, or feel the same. Suddenly, the photo becomes to much to look at so I slip away into the court. I go into the storage room, grab what used to be my lucky basketball and go back into the court.

Bouncing the ball off the ground, I begin to run and shoot hoops. I miss my first one, then my second and my third. I let out a long string of profanities and then give it another shot, this time getting the ball into every hoop. I end up staying in the court for the next two classes before Cassidy shows up and takes a seat on a bench by the wall.
"I didn't know you played." She smiled.
"I don't." I say blankly.  I look at her hand and notice her holding an ice pack on her knuckles. My face drops.
"Did you punch a wall again?" Cassidy shakes her head.
"Actually, no. My Science teacher saw my hand and insisted I go with the P.E teacher and get an ice pack. So, I ended up down here." I sigh in relief. "Good." I say. "You need to stop hurting yourself."
"Everybody hurts themselves Ethan. By refusing to let themselves be happy. Or by telling themselves to stop doing things they love, or by just physically hurting themselves. But no matter what, everybody hurts themselves."
"But not everyone is you, Cass. You need to stop everything you're doing to yourself. I mean Jesus Cassidy look at you! You're getting skinnier each day and you're sitting here with an ice pack over your broken knuckles. You're letting yourself drown." Cassidy gets up and walks over to me.

She looks me dead in the eye and says, "Soon it won't even matter what I do to myself." And then she's leaving. I stand there shocked at her words. This girl is so unpredictable. I wish I could read her mind but she's so locked up, not even the world's greatest mind reader could read her. I fling the ball at the wall and then put my head in my hands. Fuck this. I grab the ball, throw it back into the storage room and head to the cafeteria.

Dillion and I end up going to this comic store down town that he's so incredibly obsessed with, after school. I spent the whole way telling him about what happened in the court with Cassidy and he tells me 'oh, it's just Cassidy being Cassidy.' But I refused to believe him. Because I mean come on, what does he know about Cassidy.
"Dude, I swear. She won't kill herself. She's just like that."
"How do you know that?" I shove my hands into my pockets as Dillion starts going through shelves of comics.
"Because I do. Trust me, she'll get over this soon enough." I don't believe him and I'm fed up with him acting like he knows her better than I do, so I go to a different section and look at comics. But he follows me.
"Hey E, my mom wants me to go her cousins house with her for dinner tomorrow night. Can you like help me out of it? Her cousin is so annoying and creepy and has these weird fish that look like their eyes are going to pop out any minute." I laugh as he makes a weird example of the fish.
"Coach Merton asked me to go with him to practice tomorrow to help him with the new team. You could come?"
"Hmm, sport isn't my friend but I'd rather sport then dinner with my moms cousin and her eye popping fish." I laugh and he goes and pays for a comic and then we leave.

I unlock my front door and stumble on inside. "I'm home!" Alica comes running down the stairs and hugs me. I stand there shocked at the physical contact. This is so incredibly weird that I think I might actually be dreaming.
"Ethan, hey!"
"Um... hi?" She steps away from me and smiles.
"Can we go for a walk down the old trek?" I furrow my eyebrows in confusion at her sudden interest in communication but decide not to question it.
"Uh, yeah. Sure."

The old trek is this dirt road leading to this hidden beach that me and Alica used to go walking down all the time as kids. But we grew apart and stopped walking together. It had been years since I was on this trek and it feels weird. We walk with our hands in our pockets and we're silent, listening to the distant sound of waves crashing against the cliffs and seagulls. Alisa looks at me every now again, as if she's about to say something but then she looks away. Since she won't talk I will.
"Is everything okay?" I ask, slightly worried.
"Um... not really. I fucked up." I move my hands in a 'continue' motion and she nods. "Well, my friend Dean told me to try his new drug he got, but I said no. So he... um... told all my friends I'm a slut and that I sent nudes to this guy Mark when I was dating Jack. Now, um, all... all my friends left me. I'm alone." She looks down at her shoes, and I can see she's trying really hard to keep it together.
"What the fuck? Why would he do all that just because you didn't try a drug? Like, what the hell?" I question.
"Because he rules over us all and can do what the fuck he wants." I put my arm around Alica and she leans into me.

I'm proud of her. She's been doing really well with not doing the drugs and being kinder to mom and I know she makes a huge effort. She's a bitch, sure, but she's trying to change her ways and that makes me proud.
"I'm proud of you for saying no. You've been making a huge effort lately and I'm really proud." Alica nods and smiles and we continue on our way to the beach. If she can change, so can I. And I'm going to make Cassidy see that she can too.

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-SESH