Locked Away (GerIta)

Chapter 34

A/N: this semi-porn chapter is inspired by a song LITERALLY called "fuck away the pain" so i s2g if anyone comments about the fact that this is OOC or gross or "not following the plot" u can not comment bc i will delete it bye enjoy luv u c:<

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Feliciano began to cry and he hid his face in the crook of Ludwig's neck. He felt himself crumble and let the German's arms support him.

"H-how did you-?" The Italian sobbed and sniffled. "This isn't... Can't be real.. Ludwig, god, how are you here?"

"Feliciano, I don't have time. Don't ask to many questions, I just, I'm here, okay?" He kissed his forehead and then his lips again. Truly, getting there was quite a blur. He remembered Stockholm and getting civilian clothes and a bag to put his uniform in. He knew the town where Vash was and thank god it was small, he remembered threats and curses streaming from his mouth if someone didn't tell him where Mr. Vargas was. But this was here and now, before didn't matter.

Mostly because his fate was already set.

"No time?" He panicked and grabbed his lover's arms. "You can't.. Leave, not again.."

Ludwig smiled sadly. "You think I want to? Please, Feli, let's not waste this."

"The house, come home," He offered quickly. "Gilbert, he's here, he-"

"I can't go to the house, it's too dangerous." They'll know where you are.

Feliciano opened his mouth, a question begging to be answered. "I-I.. Oh god, okay.."

Somehow in his scrambled mind, Feliciano remembered the motel, the only one in town and he got them there, mostly regaining his composure.

Ludwig closed the door and pressed Feliciano against it, kissing him and pulling off his clothes.

"I'm sorry this is so sudden... I'm, I know this is not.. This isn't how I wanted this.." Ludwig kissed at his neck and Feliciano arched against him.

"It's okay." He breathed out. "Just.. haah.."

Feliciano lost his ability to form coherent sentences and before he knew it, was on the creaky little bed in the sketchy motel room. He buried his face in the pillow as Ludwig hovered over him, breathing shallowly as he nudged in from behind.

The Italian cried out in pain and was almost glad he was on his stomach, unable to look behind and see. He gasped and sputtered as Ludwig eased in, somehow, somehow.

Feliciano whined as Ludwig bit down onto his shoulder hard, sure to leave a mark and he opened his eyes finally, feeling his lover's hips grind forward.

"Let me.. I wanna see you-" He tried to turn his head but Ludwig's hand on the back of his neck stopped him. "Ludwig.. Ah!"

He wanted to complain but god, he sped up and Feliciano's body tensed and relaxed and a moan slipped past his lips.

He pushed back against him and groaned. "Ludwig.. Let me.."

The German had kept his composure so far and now, now of all times, he began to lose it. His tears fell onto Feliciano's back and he tried to keep going.

"Hey, Ludwig.." The Italian frowned and tried to pull away but it hurt. "Ah.. Shh, hey, hey, stop, Ludwig why are you- crying?"

Ludwig pulled away and sat up, apologizing profusely as he rubbed the tears from his eyes. Feliciano winced but collected the shaking man into his arms. He didn't care that the mood was gone or that this was their most awkward sexual encounter. He just stroked his hair and pulled the sheets up around them.

"Darling.." He kissed his head. "Shh.. Talk to me, it's okay."

"I-I'm sorry." Ludwig gripped the blanket. "I just.. We're here and this isn't how it was supposed to be.. And I can't stay, I just.."

"Okay, okay. Shh, stop worrying." Feliciano whispered. "Ludwig, none of our relationship has been perfect or planned or sorted out. I promise one day, one day, we will be able to take our time and make plans and make everything right."

Ludwig nodded and took a few moments to calm down, kissing Feliciano gently and stroking his cheek with his thumb.

"I love you, Feliciano." Ludwig whispered into the kiss. "So much."

"I love you too." He breathed out, easing Ludwig back, letting him sit up against the headboard before straddling his lap.

Feliciano felt his heart rate slowly begin to climb steadily as Ludwig tilted his head to deepen the kiss. He shifted himself and let the slow pace lead them, arms encircling the German's neck.

Feliciano leaned up and gasped as he sank back down, pushing past the discomfort as he let his head hang forward.

"Ludwig-" He gasped, gripping his shoulders.

"I know.." He breathed out, watching the Italian's expressions. "Almost there, ah, christ.. You're, mmh.."

Ludwig's stomach clenched and his muscles contracted as his hands gripped Feliciano's hips as he sat fully on his lap now, connected at the hilt. They sat, chests heaving as their foreheads pressed together.

"I- Ludwig, I feel.. Ah.. full, close, fuck." He mumbled out, voice cracked.

The German nodded and kissed at his neck, thrusting up slowly, rutting, fucking, grinding. "Feli..."

"Yeah.. yes, yes." He licked his lips, feeling the dull throb of the marks being sucked onto his neck.

Feliciano clawed at Ludwig's back and his chest, watching the German arch and moan at the feeling of his nails against his skin. The Italian began moving and it was soon needy and desperate complete with grabbing hands, loud moans and whimpers, and that long-awaited black out full of ecstasy streaking white across the back of their eyelids.

They tried to sleep after but couldn't because Feliciano would start crying because this was going to be over soon, and they'd be apart again so Ludwig would hush him or kiss him or whisper sweet nothings or make love to him to get as close as possible.

Sometimes Feliciano would ask him to fuck him because it was a different feeling and he needed to make this last longer and feel it more and because maybe it'd take away the pain.

"You want me to fuck away the pain?" Ludwig would whisper as he pinned his wrists beside his head.

"Yeah," Feliciano would answer. "Maybe it'll work." He would gasp when they started, even though it hadn't worked the first, second, or third time.

Maybe if they just kept at it, maybe they'd fall asleep and their minds would stop screaming and their tears would dry.

The night was filled with maybe's and if's and uncertain promises and heartbreak and tears and-

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Ludwig buttoned up his shirt and tucked it into his pants, buckling his belt. He looked back at the Italian who had finally passed out asleep and was tangled in the sheets.

The German glanced over his love-bitten body and ran his fingers over the raised scratches on his own chest. He looked at the finger-shaped bruises on Feliciano's hips and inhaled sharply.

He left the letter he'd written on the nightstand and ran his fingers through his lover's russet hair, leaning down to nuzzle against his neck. He smelled of sweat and tears and sex and cigarettes and Ludwig wanted to stay forever.

He kissed his lips one last time and smiled gently as he stirred. The German took the chain with his tags from around his neck and placed it on top of the letter. He walked out and couldn't look back again, so he closed the door as softly as he could and started walking.

This was it.

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To be continued...