The Silver Doe

Chapter 42 - Fancy a brew, love?

~ An hour or so before ~

"Severus," whispered Dumbledore. "I need you to listen to me."

Snape reluctantly opened up his swollen eyes and took in the surroundings of his murky, old chamber.

"I know what happened to Lillian is.... difficult, but you've got to understand the concept that she's not coming back... As a friend I offer you my condolences, but I must tell you that what you're doing to yourself is not mourning... It's destroying your very reason to live! You know, Severus, that you cannot continue to lay here and sleep forever. You most certainly cannot keep hating Professor Lupin: we both know it wasn't his fault Lillian died. And it will get even more difficult. I know this, for I felt like this when I lost my little sister."

"Headmaster..." Severus paused, thought sombrely for a moment, then said, "I wish to go back to Spinners End and if I'm condemned so back there then so be it... I can't live on here like this," he sobbed. Dumbledore's heart was bleeding for this friend of his. "I need to go home."

He felt like a child pleading for his mother to take him back home to where his night lamp would be waiting for him, but Severus didn't care. His sallow face looked directly into the pitiful and kind eyes of his headmaster before he closed his eyes and fell back asleep again. The only way he would escape from the pain of not having her was in his dreams; dreaming was Snape's only antidote to life.

~ Snape's Office ~

The next morning, when Snape began to tidy away his personal belongings from inside his office, someone knocked on his door.

"I can see now, Severus, that you were serious about your proposal." Dumbledore's voice was very hoarse, and low. And in his face Severus witnessed the muscles harden and his face became expressionless. This, reader, was not the face of a kindred such as Albus Dumbledore.

"Yes, Headmaster. I am." Snape never turned to address Dumbledore, he merely carried on packing away his potion books.

"Will you not miss it? The school? Even the students?"

Snape hesitated before amply nodding his head. "I'll miss the school. As for the students..." he forced a fake chuckle. "Well that remains to be said."

Dumbledore sighed. "Well," he muttered. "If you're deadly serious about resigning Severus, then I find it only reasonable that you get to say good-bye to a certain someone first."

Snape laughed under his breath, muttering a few garbled words. Who was this going to be? His precious student Potter? Filch? Minerva? Malfoy - who?

"Hi, Sev..."

Snape froze and dropped his books which hit the floor immediately. Slowly and astoundingly he turned around and stared in awe at what made its way past her headmaster.

"I... Lil... N-no! How?" he stuttered, stunned. "Headmaster... how can this be?"

"I think before you make your decision definite you should have a quick word with your daughter."

Dumbledore closed Snape's office door and left the dungeons. Lillian stood awkwardly for a moment before casually walking over towards Snape.

"HOW?!"

Snape couldn't control himself, he started to sob out loud. His hand flew to his mouth and pressed his lips tight together. Is she a ghost? How could such abnormality be real right now? She had died. Snape had cradled her cold, lifeless body not only a day ago. He was still in the midst of grieving for her. This... it couldn't be. Could it?

"When you've got a moment thank Hermione. She's the one who saved me; brought me back from the dead... I think. It was horrifying to say the least. I was trapped in some weird, transcendent world in which I experienced the fate of a Dementor. I was so frightened! It felt like I'd been there for years but apparently I'd only been there for a couple of hours... I'm alive, Severus!" She felt like hugging him but she was scared in case it was out of the question. And, plus, Severus looked so inflexible in front of her. His discoloured face was turning even more unhealthier by each passing moment.

She took this opportunity for granted and decided to finally tell Severus what she'd always wanted to tell him... from day one!

"Severus... I have something to tell you. Inside that darkness I thought about a lot of things. It was the only thing I had to do in there, except run and hide from the rattling Dementors kisses. Think: it kept my sane, I suppose."

Severus became silent, utterly still, just watching her; listening to her heart speak, what he had once termed to himself, inexpressible words.

"I'll always remember the first time I came to your house and you were reading one of those newspapers with the moving pictures - it was so cold that night. Dad got really drunk the morning after he came back from ma' Uncle Joe's house. Mum was not long out of hospital - dad broke two of her ribs a few nights before - and I was locked out the house for almost two days that weekend. On the second day I came to your house, do you remember? I climbed in through your kitchen window and slowly paced towards your moving newspaper. You couldn't see me, the pages were too big. I shouted boo and you crinkled your newspaper." Lillian was laughing by now, but then her smile disappeared. "You gave me such a row for entering your house again, but I was so cold. I didn't tell you this, I just laughed and laughed and offered to make you some tea. You chucked me out then. You were really angry. It started to snow that night. I went down to the park and tied my jacket around my body like a blanket and fell asleep on the bench. I can't 'mind when it was you came and finally got me, but it was really, really dark out and even more cold. I was blue by this point. You told me to come back to yours because you... you..." Lillian wiped her eyes. "Wanted a cup of tea and didn't know how to work your God damn kettle!'"

Severus's eyes watered as he listened to her. He had completely abandoned packing his potions books and held his right arm across his chest. His heart was beating like never before. Like it was beating for the first time ever.

"We didn't immediately go home when you came and got me though. I asked if we could stay for a couple minutes more. I wanted to remember the moment... But you shouted at me, saying it was too cold to idly admire the singing birds around us. I said please and you grunted then eventually you sat down next to me. I can remember the feeling of your body heat against my numb body. It tingled! But guess what, Sev? It might've been one of the coldest nights I'd ever spent sleeping outdoors in, but when I sat next to you on the park bench I was the warmest I'd ever been before. You are my dad, and I love you! You're always going to be stuck with me, no matter what. And not as your stalker either, but as your daughter!"

Lillian leapt forward into Snape's arms and threw her arms around him. His body felt so warm. He was not cold... for once!

Slowly but surely his arms clung around her and he squeezed her tight, as she did him. His eyes leaked, his mouth opened and he sobbed. Lillian squeezed him tightly for the last time, before stepping back from him. Snape's patronus was prancing around them, happily looping through their legs and resting her head upon Snape's lap.

"Now," she laughed. "Who fancies a cup of tea?"

(Detestation no more)

_ _ _ _ _

You never know what you've got until its gone. Treasure those you love dearly and never, ever take any-one for granted.

I hope you enjoyed reading the Silver Doe.